Racism and My Childhood in Mississippi: Inspired by The Help by Kathryn Stockett

I just finished reading The Help by Kathryn Stockett (a novel about the relationships between black maids and their white employers set in Jackson in the mid 60s), and I enjoyed it very much. But this post is not a book review. After reading Kathryn's afterward about growing up in Mississippi and about writing the book, I feel inspired to write a few memories about racism from my childhood.

I am 32 years old, so I grew up in the 80s and 90s. That sounds all modern when you write it out like that, but it's not quite that simple. We were integrated, of course--sort of. Black children went to school with me; my Girl Scout troop had black and white girls; and black people could go into all the public places.

But we weren't really all that integrated, except legally. There were (and are) black and white churches, black and white neighborhoods. I hardly ever saw interracial couples until I came to Atlanta, and when I did it was a shock. Only white trash girls dated black boys, and I cannot remember ever seeing a white boy with a black girl.

At school, black and white kids segregated themselves completely by middle school. You could be friendly with kids of the other race, but you weren't really friends. I had a black girl that I called my friend (and I wish we realy could have been), but when my mom and I drove her home from school, we had to drop her off two blocks away from her house so that her daddy wouldn't see her get out of the car with a white lady. I remember once when she went to church with me. That's literally all I remember; it was a shocking enough thing to do that such a little nothing event still stands out after all these years.

I remember that the word "nigger" was used in ways that were so commonplace that it almost lost the power of a racial slur, like calling a wimpy boy "pussy" or calling a disappointing event "gay." My parents were very progressive, and I would never have said such a nasty, racist word, but I frequently heard a game called "nigger-ball" or a kind of firecracker called a "nigger-chaser." I knew that it was wrong to use that word, but it was only years later that I really understood how built-in the racism is when little children use names like that completely nonchalantly.

When I was learning to drive, my mom took me to a cemetary to practice. We stopped when we saw a very newly and terribly defaced grave. It was James Cheney, a young black man who was killed along with two other civil rights activists in Philadelphia, not far from my hometown, in 1964. It was still being defaced, apparently, in 1995.

One of the murderers, Edgar Ray Killen, a local preacher, was acquitted at the first trial, but he was retried and convicted in 2005. It was a big freaking deal then. I was so proud because I had heard the story of how my mother had driven one of my relatives to a homecoming in a church where Edgar Ray Killen was going to preach, and she wouldn't go in. She just sat in the car. Thank god Mississippi finally did what my mother had known all along was right.

I was slapped once in a racially-motivated incident. A little friend of mine, a truly sweet girl, won our class's citizenship award. Another girl in the class said to me that she only got it because she was white. I replied, "She won because she is way nicer than you." She slapped me across the face, hard. Of course, I just tattled on her because I was Hermione Granger all the way. I wish I could tell you that I slapped her right back. That would make a better story.

When I was in about the 7th grade, I entered an essay contest for Martin Luther King's birthday. It was good. I remember nothing about it but that it was really good. I always won everything. That's bragging, I know, but you have to understand that I was a far better writer than any child in school. I didn't win the essay contest, and I was pretty sad. But when I found out who won, a girl that I knew could not have written an essay better than mine, I was furious. I remember my dad explaining to me that they were not going to pick a white child, that would look bad for publicity. I cried and cried and yelled Martin Luther King quotes about the content of someone's character (and essay) being the important thing. And I remember my dad saying, "You're right. MLK would be horrified. But this is the way things are."

I don't know what to say about all these things. They are wrong, all of them, though some much more horrible than others. I just wanted to get them down, to share them with people who may not have grown up with that kind of thing. I just wanted to say that it's not as over as some people think it is.

An update on all the babes!

We've been doing this blog for quite a while and we all shared our birth stories and have kind of talked about our nurslings here and there but we haven't done a really good update in a while! So we're all coming together and doing a post together to talk about what's going on with our babes!

Ella (Mama Christa's babe):

Ella is a big fat chunky boobie baby at almost 10 months old (holy crap!!). She's about 17 pounds and has more rolls then Chase and Chicklett put together. She's sitting, saying a few words and scooting on her back, only going backwards (it's hilarious). She IS trying to crawl though and I'm pretty sure it's right around the corner. We started a few solids here and there when she was 7 months old (5.5 months adjusted). I had full intended on waiting until she was 6 months adjusted but it kind of just happened one night when we had squash. She was pretty lukewarm about solids until recently. We tried a few purrees but she couldn't have cared less so we are doing baby led weaning. If we're eating something she can eat, I give her some. There is no real hard schedule as to when she gets food, we're pretty casual about solids around here (TOTAL opposite about how I was with Olivia!!). She loves feeding herself though and in the last week or 2 has really got into food. Nothing like Chase (MOOSE!), but she enjoys feeding herself. Overall, Ella is a major boobie baby and nurses generally every 2 to 3 hours, but if there is a boob, she will take it. Preemie WHAT?? :-D

Chicklett (Mother Hen's babe):

She is 9.5 months old and still nursing strong! She has two bottom and top teeth and has nibbled me, but so far so good on her learning it's not a fun thing to do to me. We started purees at 6 months, to which she immediately spit everything back out. We figured she just wasn't ready for food yet, so we just took it easy in offering it a few times a week. After about two months of occasionally offering purees I threw in the towel and have been doing more of a baby-led-weaning approach. Since about 5 months old she has been very demanding and grabbing at our plates, so one could say she's been giving me a hint for a very long time. She just wants real food. I still have a hard time wrapping my brain around what or how to just give her food... but we're learning. Favorite foods are probably black beans, steamed carrots, rice puffs, and mum mum crackers. She was born at 7 pounds 3 ounces and she was weighed at 9 months old 14 pounds 4 ounces. She is a peanut! Other milestones would be crawling (she's got a mean army crawl), jabbering "mamama" "dadadada", waving, and dropping down to two naps a day.

Chase Racer (Megz's Babe)

Chase is 9 months old and a total booby baby. Through our move he was given no bottles and thus will now frequently refuse a bottle of pumped milk which is a pain in the butt if we are in a pinch and need him to take one. But hey, less work for mama! He is up to about 20 pounds now, according to our bathroom scale. He went through a busy stage during which he hardly nursed at all during the day, but with our trip up to MN, suddenly he started nursing like a maniac during the day, though he still nurses A LOT at night. We've both gotten really good at mobile nursing now...I can hold him in arms, NOT supporting my boob, and walk around the house while he nurses if need be. I never reached this sweet spot with Aiden. We nurse in our Ergo all over the place. Chase and I are a little better team. He is now eating solids and we give him chunks of food instead of purees, baby-led weaning works well for our family. He totally loves to chomp and has 3 table meals a day, and still nurses as much as he does without those meals. His favorite foods are avocados, bananas, cheese, and mama's homemade oatmeal muffins! Chase also just LOVES a sippy cup and thinks water is the greatest thing invented since the boob. During our trip, I was driving alone with the boys and he took a sippy of pumped breastmilk (FYI, I'm fairly certain pumping while driving is not legal...and surely HAND EXPRESSING while driving could get me in serious trouble...lol) He's a big, busy boy and now has two gorgeous pearly whites. Much to my chagrin, he has bitten a few times, but we seem to be working that out. It helps to have all the great tips from mamas who have had biters to guide me. It's not slowing us down.

Many of you remember that I am in serious uncharted territory at this point. Aiden was weaned by this age, so all of this is new and exciting for me, like the first time nursing a baby all over again. I'm surprised and thrilled by how much fun we are having nursing...we play games while we nurse, giggle, snuggle, smile...it's so neat and fun. I sooo wish I had not thrown in the towel with Aiden, but every baby is different and I'm still convinced that part of my struggle with Aiden was personality. He did not love to nurse the way Chase does! Chase is still bedsharing with us, much to my husband's dismay, and I am doing my best to allow his sleep maturity to develop naturally. It's hard sometimes, but we are working it out!

On the binky front, Chase gave up his binky during our move to Indiana (5 months ago). He now sucks his two fingers on his left hand. It's pretty adorable, and VERY convenient. During the day he does love his fingers, at night, he prefers breast in a big big way.

Closing in on the finish line

Dark pictures aside, they're pretty close.

For once my painting plans went as intended.  I had a pretty good afternoon at the table and finished the day where I wanted to: (hopefully) a single session away from finishing the Winter Guard.  I got the metals done, washed the flesh, and put in work on the browns and black.  I'm on the fence about the browns.  They look good enough to leave alone, but as always there's room for improvement.  I started by giving all the brown areas a Devlan Mud wash, then went in with Snakebite Leather on the leather areas.  Wood and leather are distinct now, which was my intention, but the wood areas are just base coated with a wash, though I'd like to add some graining.  The leather looks better, but could still use a highlight or perhaps another wash.  Then there are the interminable buttons and clasps on the bandoliers that want some attention, to say nothing of buckles.  Since this is a unit that's as much about boots on the ground as it is about quality of troops, I'm trying to not get hung up on shading and highlighting each beard hair in the name of getting the squad done.

Better lighting would show the different browns.

The black is in a similar situation.  I base coated all the areas, but haven't done any highlighting and doubt that I'll be doing any.  The problem with the black areas is that they're mostly fiddly detail: the Khadoran anvil on the shoulder, the stripe at the bottom of the coat, and the bottom edge/corner of the shoulders.  These areas have hard edges, which means edge highlighting, but are also sculpted in such a way that edge highlighting would be a pain at best.  I think the anvil would really benefit from some highlights though, so we'll see how that goes.  I used BoltGunmetal thinned with Umber Shade to base coat the metal areas, notably all the big rivets at the bottom of the coats and shoulders.  These weren't too bad to do, but the detail brush I was using is past its prime so there was a fair bit of painting outside the lines, so I'll be going back for touch-ups before everything is finished.  It's during this touch-up phase that I'll consider highlighting.  The metals got a Devlan Mud wash at the same time the browns did.  I followed the wash up with (Mithril) Silver as a highlight/accent on the silver areas and used Brassy Brass to break up the gun barrels.  The brass in particular looks good, though highlighting metal produced the same mediocre results it always has.  All that remains now are the fur collars, flesh, and hair, plus the touch-ups.  Of note are the various little armor plates on the boots and gloves that I missed in the first pass.  These will be red like the rest of the armor, and I'll get the anvils on the hats at the same time.  Then basing, varnish, done!  That looks like a lot listed out, but it should be easy enough to finish when I have the chance, which is probably Monday.

Looks a lot like the last one, but it's different.  Subtly.

An unexpected development occurred yesterday while visiting NGF (Non-Gaming Friend).  I've been somewhat patiently awaiting the release of Kill Team, which came out last week on the 360 and was supposed to release this week on the PS3.  I got a taste on Monday at EV's place and my suspicions were confirmed: this is a game that I'll enjoy.  I was fairly sure NGF would also enjoy it, so I encouraged him to have it ready to go when I arrived yesterday.  Unfortunately the PS3 release has been pushed back, so I'll be waiting as I have a PS3 but no 360.  Fortunately NGF has both and disregarded my suggestion that we wait for the PS3 release.  While we cleared a bloody swathe NGF peppered me with questions about the 40k universe and even asked, in a very roundabout manner, about the game itself.  I'm heading back there tomorrow and I'll have the big 3rd edition rulebook and Let the Galaxy Burn in tow.  Under normal circumstances I'd bring the 5th edition book and maybe the vanilla Marine codex, but considering there's a newly hatched kid in the house I'm none too eager to have my books suffer beneath curious fingers and gums.  Also the only 5th edition rule book I have is the pocket sized one from Assault on Black Reach which is great if you want the rules, but piss-poor if you want the background and a general introduction.  Let the Galaxy Burn may not be the best fluff ever written and might not be the ideal entry point, but I have it on hand and am less worried about it than I am about my vanilla Marine book, plus there are some decent enough stories in it.  I've been pursuing a low pressure sales pitch with NGF for a couple years now, butt his latest development is the best sign I've had thus far.  If he's asking after fluff then it's a short throw to getting models and brushes in hand, and then it's all over.  I've been trying to extoll the virtues of gaming when you have a family to him, especially the parts where you get the hell out of the house to game elsewhere or flood the house with other gamers while driving non-gamers out in a panic.  Perhaps the benefits of these activities are starting to dawn on him.  In any case a door is opening wider than it has before, and with any luck the gaming population will grow.

Winter Guard Marches On

iPhone photography, still a learning process.

Resumed my painting today and made some good progress.  I did the reds, though not quite in the way I intended, and also got a base of flesh and browns down.  I started by putting a later of Red Gore on the reds, then washed them with Devlan Mud.  When I started I had planned on going back with the Red Gore, then highlight with Blood Red and Fiery Orange.  I wanted a red that was a little different than the Blood Angels, a bit darker.  Instead I did the red exactly like I have in the past, with Blood Red and then a red/orange highlight.  If you guessed the result was a highlight that was far too subtle for its own good, you get a cookie.  Since I wanted the armor to be red and not orange, I didn't want to do the straight orange highlight.  Considering my brighter than intended base red, I didn't have a lot of room to work with.  My mind boggles that the color I have the most experience with stills evades my efforts to highlight it properly.

A little dark, but in focus.

Disappointed as I was with how the greens turned out on some models, I had prepared myself to paint over the highlight and try again.  On closer inspection I think I'll like it go, but I did do a light glaze of the olive drab green (Model Color Russian Uniform) on the leader.  It didn't make a lot of difference, but it was rather thin so I may give it another shot with a more robust mix.  The flesh got two layers of Bronzed Flesh, along with the hair on a few models.  The browns are Beastly Brown thinned with Vallejo Umber Wash.  I have decided the difference between Umber and Sepia is that Sepia has a bit of red, while Umber is all brown and black.  At first I was only going to do the leather and use a different, darker brown for the wood.  Once again I had out-foxed myself on paint selection and used the brown I intended for the wood on the leather, so I plowed on ahead and did all the browns at once.  The wood might get some graining and another wash of Umber, or perhaps Devlan Mud, while I'll highlight the leather in the conventional manner and aim for a lightish brown.  I'm on the downhill stretch with this batch and I hope to have another good painting window tomorrow.  I doubt that I'll get them finished entirely, but if I can do enough that I can finish them with another session afterwards then I'll be happy.  With any luck I'll have the squad, without the UA or rockets though, finished and ready for action by next week.

You can almost make out the red highlighting.

A visit to the FLGS earlier this week was fruitless on the Wrath front.  Also missing were Great Bears, Aiyanna & Holt, Gorman di Wulfe, character jack upgrade kits, the Khador plastic jack box, Manhunter, Battle Mechanics, the Spriggan, basically anything I was looking for in the Warmachine range.  They did have a pEiryss but I haven't really felt the need to field her yet.  I did find the Menoth paladin though, Sir Ekkrion, along with what seemed like the entire Iron Kingdoms range.  It's a shame that Warmachine isn't really set up to use alternate models or to find a role for a random miniature, but it'll be a good test mini to see how the scheme goes together.  I like the studio Menoth scheme, and I hear good things about doing bone/white armor with Gryphonne Sepia.  While I don't have that wash, I'm guessing it's similar to the Vallejo Sepia Wash.  I'll also get another shot at doing a darker red.  The studio red has a bit of purple in it, just like Red Gore, so hopefully they're a good match.  I'm holding off on starting until I finish the Winter Guard for the usual 'incentivize yourself' reasons, but also because I have a new basing tool on the way.  One afternoon I found my way to Hand Cannon Online, where I found an article about a basing stamp from Happy Seppuku Model Works.  As I understand it they're a silicon mat that you press into a base covered in green stuff.  It leaves a texture behind like brick, wood planking, or sheet metal.  This seems like a good way to get some extra variety in my basing, so I ordered one of their brick samplers which puts four patterns on one stamp.  I'll try it out on Ekkrion's base and if it works out well I'll consider doing city bases for either the starter set Menoth or the Trollbloods.  They have a number of different patterns, and I like the look of the fishscale brick in particular, but I'll see how the sampler works before looking into other stamps.

Why I am Taking Anthropology in the Fall

No, I haven't changed my degree program. I am still booking along toward my master's degree in rhetoric and composition. My schedule for fall includes Enlightenment Rhetoric and Writing and Research Methodology. I am hoping to present on using positive discipline in college pedagogy at a conference, and I am planning a paper on classical rhetoric in Ender's Game. I am right on track with all that English department goodness.

But, I am also signed up for Intro to Anthropology. It doesn't have one bit to do with my degree. It has nothing to do with my academic background. It's just fun.

Every semester, I try to take a class just for fun, a class that I am interested in for it's own sake, a class that is new and exciting. I like to take languages; my last semester fun class was Latin. This semester, I also considered a math class and Ancient Hebrew.

I consider learning different and exciting subjects as one of the great benefits of being in a university setting for most of my week. Everywhere I go, there are professors and students who are engrossed in studying subjects I know nothing about. The library is full of books about things I never imagined. The schedule is packed with courses I would love to take, majors I would love to have, if only I had all the time in the world.

The cool thing is that right now I do have a lot of time. I definitely have time for the workload of one undergraduate course. And for that little bit of extra time I put in, I get the feeling of branching out, of integrating far flung subjects into my mental picture of the world. I get the excitement of learning the basics of a new subject. I get the chance to be a wanderer in the university, not a provincial citizen of one department, but a globe-trotter.

Guest Blog: Boob. It’s what’s for breakfast, lunch and dinner....

I have a facebook page. Like so many others I have it to keep in touch with my family and friends. Some of those friends I have had since grade school and others are just friends of friends of friends but I am a pretty open person. I like to share what is going on in my life even when life is just average.

My breastfeeding back story is I have twin boys who are now 12. I was young when I had them and even though I wanted to nurse them I did not have the support or information to make it work. Fast forward 11 years and I was blessed to add another boy to my family. This time I was going to breastfeed. I gathered every morsel of knowledge I could ahead of time and I asked a million and one questions to my sister and friend who were both breastfeeding while I was pregnant.

So February 25^th I gave birth to a beautiful 9lb baby boy. I held him right after he was born and nursed him right away. Unfortunately since he was 10 days over due and 9lbs he had to be tested to see what his glucose level was and it turned out to be low, a point low. He was tested 2 more times before that said I have to give him formula and breastfeed and be tested every hour. 24 hours after birth his levels were up and we stopped the formula. I would love to say it was smooth sailing after that but it wasn’t.

My son’s weight kept dropping and it took 5 days for my milk to start coming in. In the mean time my son had red brick dust in his urine from dehydration and dropped from 9lbs to under 8lbs. So I nursed both sides, pumped then gave that to him plus a little bit of formula until his weight increased. After his weight started to increase my goal was to wean him off the top ups and build my supply and that is what I did. I went from 4 top ups aday to 3, 2 , 1 and then finally we were completely off formula and I was one proud mama. Every day I am thankful for each feeding. Even when nights are long and days are even longer. I cherish this experience.

Ok now what made me want to share all of this? I had a great opportunity to have a photo shoot done to commemorate my breastfeeding journey so far. I shared those pictures with fellow friends and have since heard the strangest feedback some from people “Oh, I hear your girls are all over your facebook page?” Or comments to my husband “all your wife does is talk about breastfeeding and show pictures of breastfeeding on her facebook nowadays”

YES! I talk about breastfeeding because that is what is going on in my life right now! YES! I am sharing links and stories because they are touching and beautiful. YES! I am sharing beautiful pictures of myself feeding my child because I am proud, they are amazing and I will only be doing this for so long.

I try not to take it personally. I don’t have to be a breastfeeding “fanatic” to want to share what to me is a normal day. It is who I am today. It is a special bond I get the privilege of creating and yet it is NATURAL!!

Not all my friends and family are so judgmental but I bet there are more ooohh’s and comments going on than I probably will even know. I am sad that I can’t just be myself. That people can’t just be proud and supportive. That it has to turn something other than just beautiful.

All of this is going on right before Breastfeeding Awareness month which is now making me chuckle……. Guess what people. You haven’t seen anything yet!!!

Pulling Back the Curtain

One of my many Demitras.

A little deviation to start, but this will come back around.  I just finished reading A Song for Arbonne today, a bittersweet experience as it was one of the few remaining books by Guy Gavriel Kay that I haven't read, but by finishing it that number was further reduced to a mere pair of books yet to be consumed.  The book is, in part, about a paladin-esque character and his quest in pursuit of paladin-esque ideals.  I have a white hat complex the size of a small moon, so I tend towards the righteous warrior type.  My main character in WoW, also the first one I rolled, is a paladin.  What's more, she's a tanking paladin, a role that I could go on and on about, but that's not for this forum.  I loved Exalted in large part because it almost demanded (but stopped well short) that you play a character that has been touched by a higher being and invested with a portion of the power of said being.  Granted you could accept of decline that particular fate, but it made playing the righteous warrior much easier, and more spectacular, than something like D&D ever did.  What I'm circling around here is that I love that archetype of the sword and shield warrior with a sense of purpose beyond "kill them and take their stuff," entertaining as that purpose can be.  With my own zeal thus aroused, I went off looking for a suitable model that I might lavish paint upon at some point.

I already have quite a collection of sword and shield warriors, but there's always room for more, especially if they serve a gaming purpose.  With that in mind I looked to Warmachine.  My first thought in this vein was Constance Blaize, a model I've ruminated on here before.  She is almost exactly what I'm looking for here, but the sword and smoke stack are discordant enough that I kept looking.  Not that I dislike either element, but the ideal I have in my head is 100% archaic, and the techno bits on the sword plus the smoke stack don't work for me in this situation.  I took a look at the Precursor Knights, but they don't have swords.  Plus I wanted ornate armor, and the Precursor's is decidedly plain.  Swords Knights got a glimpse too, but they suffered in the same ways Constance did, plus they weren't nearly ornate enough.  That was it for Cygnar.  I knew Khador had nothing in this vein, nor would Cryx have anything approaching a holy warrior.  I gave Retribution a look, but there was nothing there either.  Finally I looked where I knew I would find something, the faction that is composed almost entirely of holy warriors: Menoth.

Despite the many, many variations on what I wanted, I had a hard time finding exactly what I was after.  I went straight to the solos as I remembered seeing the Paladins of the Wall in earlier crawls through the gallery, but neither one quite fit the bill.  The pose doesn't quite fit what I want on the first, and the second has a funny looking head.  The Exemplar Errant Seneschal would be close to perfect, if not for the crossbow.  A bit dismayed I went on to the casters, figuring that there had to be an Exemplar caster or two.  Sure enough there are, many flavors of Kreoss and Reznik, but none of them had a shield.  With growing dismay I headed to the Menoth units and went straight to the Exemplar Bastions, figuring that they must have a shield.  Skunked there, two handed axes for the lot.  Knights Exemplar?  Two handed swords.  The Exemplar Errants were close, like their solo, but again the crossbow was a problem, plus bare hands.  I looked through UAs to no avail.

The Paladin?  Quite possibly.

On the cusp of looking elsewhere, I checked a unit I had written off: Exemplar Cinerators.  I remembered these as wielding a flamethrower of some sort, but closer examination revealed that I had confused them with Flameguard Cleansers. The Cinerators are exactly what I'm looking for.  Ornate, sword and board, minimal hints of technology, no skin showing.  I might lose the notched sword "point," but that's a tiny gripe.  Best of all?  They're in the forthcoming two player box, so I'll be getting a set in the near future.  I had been set to go shopping hoping at the FLGS in search of a suitable model, but I knew there was little chance I'd get to it anytime soon, especially with a block of Winter Guard waiting patiently for their next appointment with the brush.  It'll be a while before I lay hands on the Cinerators, about two months I believe, but that'll give me plenty of time to make some room on the painting table for them.  In the meantime I have a pile of old minis from Reaper, Chainmail, Chronopia, and other long forgotten manufacturers to slake my thirst before the main course arrives later. 

Of course I could look into a Sir Ekkrion from the Iron Kingdoms line, but his head looks kinda funny.  He would serve as a fine warm-up/holdover though...

Guest Blog: Jessica's Story

My name is Jessica and I have the most beautiful daughter. The last 8 months have been a roller coaster and I wanted to share it with you and your readers:

When I woke up on November 16, the last thing I thought I would do was have a baby. I was 32 weeks pregnant, and my water broke. All I could do at the hospital was cry. I wasn't ready, the baby wasn't ready, my boobs weren't ready. Well, Elizabeth was ready!

She was born a mere 5 hours later. I got to see her for a few short seconds before she was rushed off to the NICU. She needed oxygen at first, then intubation and a vent along with two doses of surfactant to help her lungs inflate/deflate properly.

I started pumping that evening, and continued for about a week or so until I could start trying to nurse.

She didn't take her first feeding until Saturday, November 20th. I remember the exact date because that was a HUGE day for us. That was the first time we got to hold her. We couldn't even touch her before then. A few days later, we were given the go ahead to try to nurse.

At first, Lizzie would open wide, take the while nipple into her mouth, I would get my hopes up....and then she would quickly fall asleep. So, the nurses started letting her latch while gavaging her feeding. That way she would start to realize that mamma's nipple meant full tummy. At that point she was battling jaundice. She was under lights for a total of 10 days. During those 10 days, I could only take her out to attempt to nurse once a day, and she could only be out of the isolette for 45 minutes, maximum. This meant that usually, we would spend most of the 45 minutes struggling her sleepiness to get her to nurse, and my poor husband would only get to snuggle her for 10 minutes or so after I finally gave up and let them gavage a few milliliters.

Slowly, but surely, Lizzie started to get the hang of it. As she grew stronger and more stable, she got moved around to different spots in the NICU. I found out later that a couple of the nurses advocated for us to have the best spots in the corner because she was a good nurser and deserved the good spot - with more privacy.

We spent 29 days in that NICU, and by the end of it, Elizabeth was breastfeeding full feeds at least three times a day, and taking the others from a bottle. Thanks to my diligent pumping right from the beginning, she has only ever had breast milk.

We came home on December 15th, and the transition to full time breastfeeding was hard - on both of us. She had to work harder more often, and I had to spend virtually 24 hours a day with a 5lb baby attached to my breast.

Just when we were getting into a groove and both my husband and I were getting more than 2 hours of sleep at a time, BAM! I needed my gallbladder out - the day before Christmas Eve.

I was told that I needed to pump and dump for at least 24 hours after my surgery, and 24 hours after my last pain pill. I had a nice freezer stash, but not that nice. I only took the prescribed pain pills for one day so I could go back to nursing as soon as possible. I was more determined than ever to not give my daughter any formula. Hey, we made it through a whole month of being separated, I wasn't about to let one little bitty surgery get in my way now! Thankfully, an amazing friend offered to donate some of her frozen milk to bridge any shortage I may have had.

Once I recovered from surgery, we were back to smooth sailing. The amount of time she needed to complete a whole feeding had gone down to about 20 minutes or so, I was actually getting a little sleep, things were great!

Then I went back to work part time.

I was (and am) able to pump once (sometimes twice) during my work day, which is about 7 hours long, including drive time. I did everything to keep my supply up and keep enough milk in the fridge for her. I even pumped while driving. Slowly my supply started to dwindle and my pumping output went way down. *Enter amazing, beautiful, milk donating friend* She not only donated MORE milk to help us out, but gave me tips and encouragement to help get my supply back up. I have to admit, during that time, the sample cans of formula were looking kinda nice.

After trying fenugreek, oatmeal, sports drinks, and tons of water, my supply finally came back.

Now, Elizabeth is eight (8!!!) months old and nursing like a champ. We actually just had a day when she was ALL about the boob and wanted nothing to do with my husband or anyone else. He jokingly said, "Remember when it was a struggle to get her to eat? Geez, where'd that kid go?" Hmph.

She is starting to become more and more mobile, and more and more busy, so lately nursing has been the only break time we get. I love sitting down to feed my amazing daughter and looking into her eyes. We have such a special bond.

I am so very proud of her for being so strong so early. She has shown me a strength I have in myself that I never knew was there. I couldn't have done any of this without the help of my cheerleaders, including my amazing, supportive husband.

It was all so worth it.

Rhetoric: Who Needs It?

This post was inspired by a conversation at our Ender's Game reading group when we were discussing Ender's leadership abilities and the ability to manipulate people. To the person who disagreed with me, I hope you don't feel attacked. I think this is a terribly interesting topic, and I'm glad to have a chance to clarify my thoughts about it.

The person basically said that she didn't like it when people used their skills/people manipulation/rhetoric (though she didn't use that word). She wishes that people would just be honest and basically tell the flat out, unbiased, neutral truth. She was a little appalled that I would intentionally arrange situations to bring people together or keep them apart at a social gathering.

The thing is, I don't believe there is a flat out, unbiased, neutral truth in human communication. By choosing words, gestures, tones of voice, and body language, we choose connotations. It is impossible to strip human communication of connotation. We can't make it neutral because we can't strip the human out of the communication. Even in writing, word choice and syntax carry connotation.

Some people are better at using these forms of rhetoric than others. Some can choose their words and tones and gestures (usually subconsciously, I think) to give their ideas the connotations they intend. Some can smooth social situations so that everyone has a better time by manipulating the situation. Some can make truth easier to hear or easier for a specific person to understand. These people do this by using rhetoric.

Rhetoric does not mean lies. It means constructing the content and form of the communication in the most effective way for both the communicator and the audience. People do use it for bad, lying purposes. But pedophiles lure children into vans with puppies (at least in the movies); that doesn't make puppies deceitful.

I believe that there are two kinds of people: ones who use rhetoric effectively and on purpose and ones who use it accidentally and (usually) ineffectively. It's like Ayn Rand's essay "Philosophy: Who Needs It?"; you can consciously choose your philosophy (and the way you communicate) or you can do it subconsciously. But no one can keep clear of a philosophy, just as no one can tell the flat-out, unbiased, neutral truth. We cannot escape the fact that language is connotative.

It's also my wish that we could get rid of a disdain for socially-skilled people, along with the idea that rhetoric is inherently deceitful. Without the kinds of things these people do--smoothing over awkward social situations, making connections between people who would like each other, seeing that people who dislike each other aren't forced into contact, and cementing groups together by tying themselves to lots of individual members--,social groups wouldn't function nearly so well. Businesses, organizations, teams, and groups of friends would fall into disrepair.

People with really good social skills who work a room or manipulate situations (when they use their powers for good) are not being deceitful or dishonest. They are using rhetoric and making the most of human communication.

Guilt About Traveling Without Livy

I am immersed in Mommy Guilt. For those of you who have experienced it, you know that it's worse than anything, even ginormous spiders. All good parents want to do what's best for their children, want to give them everything in our power, want to be a really great parent. And when I have doubts about a decision I am making about Livy, that's when I feel this awful pressing weight of guilt.

Here's the situation:

I am planning a 3 week trip to either England or to Turkey and Greece. Aaron gave me a trip for my 30th birthday, and we haven't ever gotten around to using it. This Christmas break is the time! Yippee! They thing is, I don't want to take Livy with us for the following reasons:

1. It will be romantic and awesome to go with just Aaron.

2. I don't think Livy will be very happy poking through museums, tons of ruins, literary sites for people she's never heard of, etc.

3. I don't really want to change my trip around to make it child-friendly.

4. It adds extra expense, which would have to come out of some other part of the trip budget.

The problem is that Livy, of course, wants to go. I worked it out with her, and we are planning a shorter birthday trip with her to Las Vegas, which I think she will absolutely love (and so will we, without changing the trip up too much) instead of a party. She isn't happy about missing out on our foreign trip, but that part is settled pretty well.

What isn't settled is my feeling that "good parents take their kids with them on foreign adventures." I feel like I am denying her a really neat homeschooling experience, and I am not meeting the ideal of the educated and well-traveled family.

My mom, correctly I think, tells me that it is impractical and a little ridiculous to even think about taking Livy on this trip. She would hate it at least a large part of the time, and we would not have as good a time. It would be a colossal waste of money, and there will be plenty of time for Livy to travel when she is a little older and when our interests align a little better.

But I still feel (at least part of me feels) that I am being a terrible mom. Shouldn't I want to take my darling with me on an adventure? Shouldn't I want to change the trip around and make it the kind of trip we could enjoy together? Shouldn't I think leaving her for three weeks is too much for me and especially over Christmas?

The truth is that I don't want to take her, don't want to change the trip, and think both of us will be fine (though we'll miss each other) for three weeks. So here are the things I am going to think about when unreasonable mommy guilt punches me in the stomach:

1. Normal child development does not require a trip to Europe. Livy can grow up to be smart, well-informed, and not provincial without taking this trip.

2. I did not go to Europe as an 8 year old, and it didn't turn me into a WWF fan whose favorite vacation is to a NASCAR race or to the world's biggest ball of twine.

3. Because Livy is almost 8, it is likely that she will have years and years to go to Europe after I am dead and buried. Now is my only freaking time.

4. It's not only okay, but good, to be selfish about pursuing my own values. I want to look at musty old books, portraits of people she's never heard of, and architecture she doesn't care about. I shouldn't have to give up those values.

5. Moms come in a lot of different packages. Just because I am not the kind that enjoys vacations more through the eyes of their children doesn't mean I am not a good one. I have many mom qualities that make me stellar, like my very high fun quotient, that aren't a part of the traditional mom image.

6. My relationship with Aaron is super important, and it's a good thing that I want to do things alone with him. Not only is it essential to my happiness, it's a rocking good example for Livy for when she has a romantic partner one day.

So, the bottom line is, I know I shouldn't feel guilty. I know I am doing what is best for me and not harmful to Livy. And yet the parenting ideal of taking the children everywhere and educating them with travel is hard for me to shake.

ATLOSCon Survey for People Who DIDN'T Go

Hi everyone,

Now that I am back in action after ATLOSCon (I was incredibly lazy for nearly two months while I recovered), I have created a survey for people who didn't go to ATLOSCon. Basically, we want to gather data to help us make ATLOSCon more relevant and interesting to people who didn't come this year. We'd love your help!

If you didn't come to ATLOSCon, please fill out this survey. Also, please pass it on. We'd really appreciate links to our survey on blogs, twitter, Facebook, Google+, your local Objectivist mailing list, basically anywhere Ayn Rand fans who didn't attend our conference may be lurking. It's very short, so never fear!

Here's the link: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/DFZGZG7

Thanks,

Kelly

Hiding

This last week has been a whirlwind of family while we attended a family reunion. Those who are on my facebook know that I'm tandem nursing but I wasn't sure how comfortable I would be nursing Olivia in front of all of those people. I had NO problems nursing Ella but Olivia is almost 3 and society says that breastfeeding a 3 year old is weird. I do NOT agree that breastfeeding a 3 year old is weird. I think it's beautiful and I'm SO proud that Olivia relatched and is nursing again. It drove me crazy that I felt uncomfortable nursing her like I usually do in front of all these people. I talked about it with my husband and my friends and I turned her down multiple times. Finally, right before bedtime, she was asking and so I did it. I nursed her in front of my mother in law. She just kept talking to me and didn't look twice. I don't know what she was thinking, but I so appreciated the fact that I didn't feel judged by her.
While we were at the family reunion, Olivia was too busy to want to breastfeed so it didn't become an issue. After we left, my brother in law came back with us so he can spend some time with all of us before going back to California. This morning, Olivia wanted a boobie (as she always does) and so I nursed her. My brother in law came upstairs. He ate breakfast and didn't look at me weirdly, didn't say anything...nothing. Again, I don't know what he was thinking but the fact that he didn't say anything or give me weird looks really meant the world to me.

I wish I could say I am now fully comfortable nursing Olivia in public. I wish I could say that I cured of my insecurities about nursing a toddler...I'm not though. It is definitely something I'm struggling with but I am working towards being more comfortable with it. Because our nursing relationship has been reestablished after a year of not nursing, Olivia is essentially nursing on demand and she likes to breastfeed at least 3-4 times a day, as much as 6 (usually not though). Generally speaking, I don't deny her when she wants to breastfeed, however I find myself denying her in public or when we're around family other then our immediate family or my mom.

I don't want to be this way though. I don't have a problem with people who keep their toddlers on a schedule, I TOTALLY understand it. The only reason I'm not is simply because we recently reestablished and she went a year without. As time goes on, I think I'll limit her a bit but for now I'm letting her nurse on demand and trying to work through my own issues that society has put upon me.

To Ron Weasley (On Why I Get You and Your Relationship with Harry Potter)

Dear Ron,

I'm writing this letter to tell you that you and I are alike and that I really get you. When I read about your adventures, I see myself in you, and I wanted you to know that I try to live up to your example. Keep reading, and you'll know what I mean.

You know how you are kinda famous, but Harry is really famous? I get that. You know how no matter how much you contribute to the fight against Voldemort, people just think of you as Harry's sidekick? I get that. You know how you worry about how you are always overlooked? I get that.

See, I have a famous best friend too. We are also business partners, just like you and Harry are partners in fighting Death Eaters. My friend Jenn is just as cool as your friend Harry. She always gives me credit for my contributions; she always treats me as an equal; she knows that we are so much better together than either is apart. None of the awful feeling of being in someone's shadow is her fault, anymore than it's Harry's fault that you don't get noticed so often.

It's not that Harry and Jenn don't deserve their fame, either. Harry could cast a corporeal patronus in his third year. And Jenn has an amazing blog where she works very hard to keep the thoughtful and helpful parenting posts chugging out. But we're pretty great, too, right? I mean, that chess game you played? How you handled the group when Harry was obsessed with the Deathly Hallows? And I am an awesome parent educator, with good classes, good podcasts, and some really new and innovative ideas about parenting and Objectivism.

But it's hard to be overlooked, isn't it? It's hard for you to hear about how Harry is the symbol of the anti-Voldemort movement, when you have shared in every anti-Voldemort activity. He gets called "The Chosen One," I know. Did you know someone once told me that Jenn was "the Objectivist parent?" You know how you didn't get invited to the Slug Club? Well, once a guy I just met socialized with me for an entire party, and at the end, he told me that he couldn't wait to meet Jenn because he had some parenting questions. One person asked me, "Are Jenn's kids the coolest you've ever met?" Umm, I have my own child, dude, and I am kind of partial to her, awesome though Jenn's kids might be.

Anyway, you can see that our positions are similar. What I really wanted to tell you was what I learned from watching you. You handle being right next to and being support to and working with someone really famous. Mostly, you handle it pretty well. I've learned from you that I just have to focus on my own values, as you focus on the mission to destroy Voldemort, and not worry so much about what people think. I've learned that when your friend becomes the youngest seeker in 100 years, you can be happy for him, even if you would like to be playing Quidditch too. You can celebrate someone else's accomplishments without always comparing them to your own.

I work hard on not being second-handed, on focusing on the product I am working on, rather than on how it is received.

I work hard on not being envious, on remembering that it isn't my friend who overlooks me. She is always my biggest cheerleader, and I want to be hers, even if she has bunches of others.

I work hard on doing the thing I actually want, instead of the thing that will get me a little more spotlight. For example, I really wanted to go to DragonCon over Labor Day weekend, but Jenn and I were asked to speak at ChicagOCon. I struggled with the decision because I worry that people will not miss me in our presentation and wonder why Jenn has a partner at all. I worry that I will be more overlooked if I miss my chance to be on stage. But I weighed my values, and I decided to do the thing I actually valued more and let the fame fall where it may.

Basically, I work hard at keeping the sane voices in my head, the ones who speak reality to me, talking louder than the voices of my insecurity. Just like when you were about to destroy that Horcrux, I fight the part of me that talks in Voldemort's voice. I choose not to hear the message that second-handedness and fear convey. Instead, I think of the love that my friend and I share, the amazing work we do together, my very real contributions to Objectivist parenting, and my other values.

When the Horcrux tells me that nobody would care if I never wrote or spoke about parenting again, I just stab it with a big ole Goblin-made sword. When the Horcrux tells me that no one even knows I exist or that Jenn and I figured it all out together, I just look around for the nearest basilisk fang. I shrug off the kind of insulting things people say with this thought: "Jenn IS just that awesome. She deserves every compliment. And I am that awesome, too. Even if folks on the internet don't know it, I know it. And so does Jenn and the other people I love. They know who I am and support me in my important work."

But I know the dark moments, the ones when second-handedness wins. I know just how you feel when you leave Harry and Hermione in the tent and disapparate. Sometimes it seems like it would be easier to just quit. Why not let Jenn do the parenting education and focus on something else? Then I wouldn't have to feel overlooked; I'd not be doing anything to overlook. I've pulled back several times, tried to back away from our work, decided to just quit and stop feeling like this. But like you, I came back.

It's rationality that saves us both, Ron. We can use our minds to keep away the insecurities, to ignore the slights, to focus on important values, and to choose awesome companions in our work. And when Voldemort is dead and positive discipline has swept across Objectivism like fiendfyre, you and I will both know that we did good work and acheived our goals. And we will have Harry and Jenn to share in the pleasure of a job well done.

Your admirer,
Kelly

Painting progress?

First iPhone pictures could be better.

In a fit of inspiration today I put some paint on some models.  Because switching projects halfway is the best method to finish anything, I got started on some Winter Guard Infantry.  I'm doing a 5th Border Legion scheme which means lots of drab green.  I wanted to take a different approach with this group, making the highlights sharper.  My own complaining has gotten to me, so instead of doing another set of subtle highlights that disappear into the model I'm going with a bright, bright approach.  I started with a Vallejo Model Color paint, Russian uniform green or somesuch.  With this new approach in mind, I then used another Model Color, Camo Green I believe, and painted in some shading.  I like the idea of painting in shading instead of layering up from the darkest color as it's quicker, but the results leave something to be desired.  Practice will certainly help, and I'm aiming for a tabletop standard in an attempt to get them finished so I'll accept them as a learning project.  A Sepia wash was next, then another layer of the Russian green.  Then the Game Color came out, Bonewhite (bleached bone), about 50/50 with the green for a first highlight.  The final highlight was another 50/50 mix of more Bonewhite into the existing green.

The Good.

The Bad.

The Ugly.

The results are a mixed bag.  Some look decent enough, like the fellow on the left.  Others are rougher, while some just look funny.  A green wash or glaze seems like a pretty good idea to knock the highlights down a bit, but since that's going against the spirit of making my highlights sharper so they stand out more I'm going to sleep on it.  I also laid down a base coat on the armor.  This is going to be a motely bunch as most are primed black, but there are a few greys too.  Some already had a base of green and a much brighter red, while the rest were straight primer.  They're a diverse bunch of minis, much like the Orks are when I actually paint them, so hopefully I can make them all look like a coherent unit despite their various origins.

Guest Blog: Mandy's Story

Growing up I don't remember seeing anyone breastfeeding, I know step-mum fed her boys as I remember her having a conversation with her friend about what the best breastpads where and that she would give her friend some to try. I did see a lot of bottles but then it was the 80's. For some reason though, I knew when the time came I would breastfeed, to me there wasn't another option.

I was 26 when I had my 1st, a gorgeous daughter. I had planned a natural water birth, but as seems to be way with my little girl, it didn't go to plan. Everything that could go wrong did, after 37 hours of pre-labour, where I got to 5cms then dilated in reverse, I was rushed to theatre for an emergency section. I don't really remember much of her birth, my husband got the 1st cuddle and showed me our daughter and I passed out. I had been adamant from the start that she was going to be breastfed and even through the worst moments I kept reminding everyone that that's what I wanted. Once she was around 15 minutes old I got my wish. The midwife put her to my left breast and my Princess latched on immediately, as if she had been doing it her whole life, she fed for what felt like ages then fell into a contented sleep. As I was recovering from surgery the midwives helped me latch her on all through the night.

I was in hospital for 3 days before I was begging to go home, the whole time I was on the ward the midwives didn't help at all, I was the only mum in a ward of 4 who was breastfeeding. I had one feed where I just couldn't get her latched on at all, I buzzed on loads of occasions but no one ever came. Eventually I managed to get it right by myself, and discovered I had lived in the same street as the health care assistant, she was great; she brought me extra pillows and made sure I had plenty to drink.

By the time I got home, breastfeeding was 2nd nature. Sometimes I was embarrassed because it was so easy for me, but I was coming to terms with feeling like my body had failed me because I need a section, finding breastfeeding so easy was very healing for me.

When my health visitor came round, she told me she could have hugged me, I was her only milker she told me. She was determined I not stop, probably more so than I was.

I fed anywhere and everywhere, I didn't use a cover even though I am large breasted. I did start to get to comments once she was 6 months old about when I was planning on stopping, but I was planning on feeding for a year. Unfortunately she decided to stop at 10 months, I now know that was probably a nursing strike. I'm confident I would be able to work through that now. I always seemed to have plenty of milk, and could easily pump 8 ounces from 1 breast, I was gutted that I ended up having to throw milk away as it was going to waste.

I found out I was expecting my 2nd, a beautiful boy, the day before my daughters 3rd birthday. I was terrified of having the same experience with him so begged the consultants for an elective section. I had to have 2 separate appointments with the consultants before they would agree. They wanted me to have a trial by labour, as this was their policy. I wasn't happy to put my mental health at risk, or put my husband through watching his wife again, just for their numbers. When they finally agreed and gave me a date, it was very strange knowing the day my baby would be born. I had a feeling the whole way through that he was breech but my midwife shrugged off, but sure enough he came out foot first. I didn't pass out this time but was very shaky, so daddy got the 1st cuddle. I re-iterated my wish to breastfeed and the midwife said she remembered. As I had done more research this time, I was a little nervous that it might not be easy 2nd time round, but I was very lucky again; he latched on straight away and nursed like a pro. The midwife, said I clearly knew what I was doing, so would leave me to get to know my little man. As soon as she left, I started vomiting, unfortunately once I started I couldn't stop. I can laugh about it now, but I was mortified at the time when threw up into a bowl, all over myself and all over the bed, but not a drop went on the baby.

As I was at a different hospital from the 1st time, I found the staff a lot more supportive. I was told I was an old pro, and even helped a few of the mothers with their issues. I had a visit from the infant feeding co-ordinator about training as a peer supporter. For some reason I was a lot iller the 2nd time around, and needed to stay in hospital an extra day, on day 3 my milk came in, and it was like some had turned a tap on, I literally had milk pouring from me and filled 3 containers using the hospital pump.

I had read about milk donation after my oldest had stopped feeding, and vowed that if I had loads of milk this time, I would not pour it down the sink but donate it to where it would maybe do some good. So from when my son was 6 weeks old till he was 6 months, I filled bottle after bottle - took up a whole drawer in my freezer - everyday to go to the nearest milk bank.

Again I fed everywhere and anywhere, and only once encountered a problem: we went for a family meal, and being a sociable little boy, he wanted something to eat too. So I just went ahead and fed, I noticed a woman out of the corner of eye staring at me and whispering to the man she was with. They called over the waiter and started talking and gesturing to me. I thought great, let them try, I know my rights. The waiter came over to us, smiled and offered me a free re-fill on my drink, I could have laughed, here I was ready for a confrontation, then this lad who couldn't have been more than 21 was subtly standing up for me.

Again once he got to 6 months, I started getting the question from other people about when I was going to stop. I knew I wanted to feed for longer than I had my daughter, I set myself a goal of 12 months then see how we go. My son had had quite severe eczema since birth and nothing was shifting it, it was horrible to watch a small baby scratching away at himself. I posted on a mum's forum asking for advice on creams, and someone mentioned in passing that their child had an allergy to dairy. I trawled the net looking for back up and everything I read said that a dairy allergy could manifest as eczema. My 1st port of call was our GP but my theory was rubbished, he told me babies can't have allergies. But my instincts told me I was right, so I cut all dairy from mine and his diet for a week to see what would happen, and his eczema seemed to lessen, I started introducing diary back in and he flared up. I returned to a different GP and demanded an allergy test, and 2 weeks later just after his 1st birthday, we had a diagnoses that he was severely allergic to all dairy, but also had a topical allergy to bananas, tomatoes, egg whites (only if it isn't cooked) and strawberries. After that his skin cleared up brilliantly, along with a creaming regime from the community nurse. I was determined to nurse him for as long he would take. He stopped himself at 16 months, I was devastated. I tried everything to get him to latch back on but he wouldn't have any of it, and by then I had stopped pumping and could no longer get anything out with any pump I tried. I did get some donated milk from a friend but she couldn't do it long term, so I had to accept that he was done.

Breastfeeding and watching my babies grow, knowing it was all down to me, is one of the proudest achievements of my life. But without the unwavering support of my husband, who always helped as much as he could (I sometimes wonder if he'd had the tools, he would have probably fed the babies himself). He never offered to get some formula just in case, and would only offer to give them a bottle of expressed milk if I was absolutely exhausted from lack of sleep.

If I was to pass on advice to an expectant mum, I would say 1st read everything you can about breastfeeding, educate yourself, there are some brilliant websites and facebook groups out there - The Normalising Nursing in Public League is one of them (http://www.facebook.com/NNIPL?ref=ts ). Take it 1 feed at a time and congratulate yourself after every feed. Don't listen to people who aren't supportive, and trust your instincts.

If you can consider donating your extra milk to a sick kids or premature unit. It's a very worthwhile cause (http://www.ukamb.org/donor.html ). There is also a group on facebook for mother to mother milk sharing (http://www.facebook.com/HM4HBUK ).

Mandy, mummy to 2. Livingston, West Lothian, Scotland.

New caster throwdown: pButcher vs eSkarre

Took some searching, but this will work.

The arms race hit its logical conclusion today as two new challengers entered the field of battle.  I got to experience eSkarre's Great Rack for the first time.  Now I get to experience the struggle to refrain from filling this battle report with bad jokes.  I'm going with this relatively tame picture and stopping there.  The Motherland sent pButcher to meet the undead menace.  I tried working out a couple Strakhov lists, but I kept reaching for pieces I don't have (I'm looking at you, Great Bears and Reach jacks.)  There was plenty of learning going on in this game as I got used to a new, if straight-forward, caster while EV did the same and also fielded a unit that was new to me at least, and I think to EV as well considering that we both were checking the cards and occasionally scratching our heads.  Despite these uncertainties we had another good game, if a little more lopsided than the last one, but I should really let the report speak for itself.  We went with a little less terrain this time.  I won the roll to go first and deferred, a little trick I had forgotten about but was reminded of over at the PP forums.  I'm using iBodger's email function for the lists this time, so the format is a bit different than what I usually do by hand, but this way is much easier and still plenty readable.

Lists and Deployment

Cryx

Skarre, Queen of the Broken Coast  +6 points
* Deathjack  12 points
* Reaper  7 points

6 Bile Thralls  5 points
10 Mechanithralls  5 points
10 Mechanithralls  5 points
Necrosurgeon & Stitch Thralls  2 points
Withershadow Combine  5 points

Cryx deployment.

Fairly typical Cryx list here.  Lots of McThralls and some Bile Thralls.  The Withershadow Combine is the new unit that gave us some fits as you'll see.  Deployment was pretty basic, no doubt because I'd made EV go first.  McThralls flanking his squishier bits, with the Deathjack out front.  I was surprised that it had Advanced Deployment, but I came to learn/remember that it has most every ability in the game.

Khador
The Butcher of Khardov  +6 points
* Juggernaut 7 points
* Kodiak  8 points
* War Dog  1 point

Doom Reavers  6 points
* Greylord Escort  2 points
Kovnik Jozef Grigorovich  2 points
Manhunter  2 points
Widowmakers  4 points
10 Winter Guard Infantry  6 points
* Winter Guard Officer & Standard  2 points
* Winter Guard Rocketeer  1 point


I wanted a big melee punch this time, so I packed in all the melee love I could.  Initially I had a Devastator instead of the Juggernaut and max Rocketeers, but then I got concerned about having to get up close to do my damage, so I swapped the Devastator for a Juggy and dropped two Rocketeers so I could add in some Widowmakers.  The WGI refuse to be excluded from any list with an Iron Flesh caster, plus I don't have Iron Fangs or Kayazy, let alone Men-o-War, so I can't put up much of a fight against them.

Khador deployment.

 The Widowmakers are in the left building with the Manhuntress a little out of frame to the left.  I wanted to put the Doomies on the left flank as well, but between Abomination and the Widowmaker's lack of Fearless that didn't seem like a great idea.  The WGI and just strung out in a line in front of Orsus and the jacks.  Despite my best intentions I forgot another model, this time the Wardog, so Sorscha is again a place holder.  I planned to deviate from my normal refused flank strategy and go with a horns of the bull approach.  The WGI would advance and occupy the woods while the Doomies turned one flank and the Widowmakers/Manhuntress held the other.

Turn 1

Boring first turns are boring.  EV advanced and threw out upkeeps.  I did the same, putting Fury on the Juggy mostly because I could, and also got in a little action.  Some McThralls got a little close to the Widowmakers.

This is what happens when you get too close.

Not much going on other than that.  EV skewed slightly away from the Doomies, which is understandable.  I tucked the Manhuntress behind some woods to wait for an opportunity to strike.

End of turn 1.

Turn 2

Not much going on for EV in turn 2.  I blame his near-total lack of shooting.  One squad of McThralls peeled off towards the Doomies in a set of double lines, no doubt intended to draw me into a charge that would set up a counter-Purge.  In the middle the other group of McThralls did much the same thing, this time opening a path for a Bile Thrall to advance through later.  When I asked about how the Stitch Thralls worked, EV started cursing some move he'd forgotten to make, though I'm not sure exactly what the mistake was.  I was a bit surprised when he sent his jacks around the woods to the left, putting them on the extreme flank and keeping them well away from my army.  I told myself it was because the Manhuntress wrecked his Ironclad in the last game, though I'm sure he had other reasons.

Cryx turn 2.

With the McThralls lined up in shooting gallery formation in the center, I took some potshots at them.  Between the Widowmakers and the Winter Guard I cleared out the lot of them and took out a Stitch Thrall as well.  I wanted to send a rocket into the Necrosurgeon, but the woods just did block my LoS.

Like shooting undead fish in a barrel.

I took the bait on the right flank and charged the Doom Reavers into the Mechthralls, or I tried to at least.  When my first guy came up just barely in Reach range I knew I was in trouble, and after further charging madmen formed a nice conga line just begging for a Purge I decided to get a little sneaky.  I charged the remaining Doomie and the Greylord Escort towards Kovnik Joe to make sure that at least some of the squad would survive.  The one Doomie in melee range swung and missed, then prepared to eat a big pile of bile.  The rest of the army got in each others way a bit, threatening to cause an Iron Dwarf-esque traffic jam.  I also moved the Manhuntress towards the center and away from the approaching jacks.

Khador turn 2.

Turn 3

In a move that surprised no one, EV sent in a Bile Thrall to spew all manner of nastiness across my poor Doomies.  What surprised me was how effective it was.  Effective for me at least.  In true undead fashion, EV cared little for the McThralls in the blast zone and purged across four of his own troops while managing to hit only two of mine.  All of his models died, while only one of mine did.  A very nice trade for me.

This Purge blew up in EV's face. 

That was all the action for EV.  He advanced his jacks, kept the Withershadow Combine behind them, and moved Skarre into the woods.  He left the Bile Thralls in the familiar fire base arrangement, keeping them out of harm's way while still allowing him to split one off to Purge somewhere.  I'll also comment on the crappy photos here.  I realized I didn't have macro mode on sometime during the game, but after looking at these on a big screen that change didn't really do anything.  Many of these pictures are blurry and of generally poor quality for reasons I'm unaware of.  Hopefully they do their illustrating job anyway.

Cryx turn 3.

With a new lease on life, the Doomies charged again.  This time the results were more in line with what I expected.  I wanted to spray the McThrall hiding behind the wall, but again LoS said no.  An effective charge anyway, and my Doomies were spread out enough that I figured I could keep at least some of them through the inevitable second Purge.

Shakycam = blood bath.

In the center I spied a golden opportunity to send a rocket into the Bile Thralls, so I hopped on it.  One rocket (and one blunderbuss) later, three Thralls were reduced to a pile of disgusting goo.

He's a rocket man.

The rest of the army bungled it's way towards the leftish flank.  I tried to get a CRA off on the Reaper, but ended up with a single Winter Guard in range.  The Widowmakers plinked a couple points off the Reaper while the Manhuntress moved back a bit to stay out of the reach of the jacks.  I tried to keep the WGI spread out enough that the inevitable Purge would do minimal damage.

Khador turn 3.

Turn 4

With only one Bile Thrall left, one of the Doomies or WGI would escape the Purge.  No doubt realizing he could strand the Doom Reavers on the right flank away from the action, EV sent the Bile Thrall into the Winter Guard.  This Purge went much better for him, killing three troopers, though I'm sure he hoped for more.  Both of his Purges came up just short on multiple models, which was very nice for me.

By fire filth be purged!

The jacks came rolling in on the left flank, though they too came up short.  The Reaper just had range, with Reach, to clip one Winter Guard, who died a very messy death.

Helldriven.

Back with the Doomies, EV tried to charge the Escort only to see his McThrall cut down by a free strike.  It was a gamble against bad odds, but a good one.  Had he killed the Escort then I would have had to be more careful with positioning the Doomies.  The remaining Thrall took revenge on the free striker.

Charge of the Mechanithrall brigade.

I missed a shot of the end of the Cryx phase, but that was most of the action.  I had some hard choices to make in the center, so I started with the Doomies.  They made short work of the remaining McThrall.

Bad odds for that McThrall.

Back in the action, I sent the Kodiak into the Reaper after I activated the Butcher and cast Full Throttle.  My intention was to throw the Reaper into one of these juicy targets: Deathjack, Skarre, Withershadow.  Unfortunately the Kodiak was too powerful for its own good and destroyed the Reaper before getting the chance to throw it anywhere.

Gone too soon.

Skarre had been running around with...Admonition?  A spell that let her move 3" when one of my models moved to within 6" of her.  I lined up a nice little WGI firing squad to pump a CRA into her but got a bit too close, allowing her to shuffle further back into the woods where she was safe from being shot in the face.  The Widowmakers plinked away on the Deathjack.  At this point I'm pretty happy.  All the McThralls are dead, a jack is down, most of my infantry is alive, and my jacks are completely unharmed.  Granted DJ is real, real close to my troops, but I've been underwhelmed by its performance in the past and the Motherland plates on the armor good and thick.

Khador turn 4.

Turn 5

I learned a lot this turn.  First I learned that DJ doesn't charge for free, which I assumed it did.  The Kodiak took a real good beating but was still mostly functional.  Then the Withershadow Combine came in and fixed that whole functional thing.  I hoped they were out of range, but sadly they were not, even after climbing over a wreck marker.  I also learned that they don't make a jack out of a wreck marker, but instead make a new jack from one they kill in melee.  All this meant that I went from being on the good side of a 2 on 1 jack advantage to being on the bad side, with my other jack real close by.  Not so good.  We weren't sure whether the new Seether could activate or not.  Nothing pointed to either yes or no, so we went with the old standby: roll a d6.  The roll said it could, but either EV decided not to or just forgot about it.

This is not happiness.

Adding to the hit parade, Skarre dropped a Blood Rain on the Winter Guard.  EV tried this before but doomed himself to failure.  You might be wondering how he did that.  One of eSkarre's abilities is that her battlegroup can choose to boost after rolling, Hordes-style.  (I learned that you have to allocate focus first, so she isn't totally in the Hordes mold, but that is irrelevant to this situation).  In a previous turn EV had cast Blood Rain at the Winter Guard but missed.  He considered for a moment, then said "I'll let it go.  It's not like it can scatter anywhere useless."  Of course he then scattered in such a way that he missed every tightly-bunched model.  This time he hit though and killed three valiant sons of Khador as a result.

Raining blood, from a lacerated sky.  Have I used that line before?  Better yet, do I care if I have?

Things have gone from pretty good to kinda scary in the course of half a turn.  The Doomies are at least a turn away, the Winter Guard are running low on bodies, there are now two Cryx jacks in my face, and there's a jack factory behind them hoping to make more.  Not happy at all.

Cryx turn 5.

Confronted with a pile of trouble on my doorstep, the only thing to do was try to smash it to tiny pieces.  I sent the Juggy into the squishier of the two targets, the newly arrived Seether, and pulled off a Crit Freeze.  I was all set to pick it up and toss it into one of the juicy targets arrayed before me (still Skarre, DJ, and Withershadow.)  EV burst my bubble though when he pointed out that a) I didn't have any focus on the Juggernaut and b) power attacks replace your initial attacks, one of which I had already taken.  Since I had cast Full Throttle I checked the spell, hoping I could do power attacks for free.  Some power attacks were free, slam and trample, but no throw.  Not even a headbutt.  Instead I contended myself with fisting the Seether.  Kovnik Joe took a Handcannon shot at the Deathjack to no effect, but more importantly he did his boosted attack rolls speech.  Thus it fell to the Winter Guard to save the day, as it so often does.  The remaining members sprayed their little hearts out, desperate to kill a member of the Combine and forestall the appearance of a third Cryx jack.  It took every one of them, along with the noble sacrifice of one Khadoran who got sprayed in the back by his unit leader, but in the end I managed to finish one of the Withershadow off.  I also took the other two down to a couple boxes and did a lot of unexpected spray damage to the Seether.  Grapeshot: it can even hurt jacks.

Disaster averted?

The Widowmakers plinked away at some jack or other, the Doomies raced towards the action, and the Manhuntress hoped against hope to draw a jack out of the melee. 

Khador turn 5.

Turn 6

Running low on pieces, this turn went pretty quick.  DJ and the Seether tore into the Juggernaut, but it survived the onslaught.  During that attack I learned that the Seether sucks, like a mini-Deathjack.  At least it was autonomous and so it couldn't get focus, which is probably what saved the Juggy.  The Withershadow did one of their dirty tricks, stripping Iron Flesh off the Winter Guard and doing a point of damage to the Butcher in the process.  Skarre moved up to the edge of the wood so she could throw another Blood Rain which killed two WGI outright and left another covered in nasty goo.  Of note, EV let Admonition expire to have more focus on hand for the Blood Rain and DJ.

Cryx turn 6.

I could hardly believe my luck as my half of the turn started.  EV had moved Skarre to the edge of the wood, which would allow me to shoot at and charge her.  Furthermore, he had let the spell the could move her back to safety expire.  Seeing my opportunity, I set about making the magic happen.  I shuffled the Widowmakers out of the ruins to get LoS on Skarre.  They didn't do much, but they did a little.  There was a single WGI blocking Butcher's charge lane, but fortunately it expired from Corrosion at the beginning of the turn.  Another noble sacrifice for the good of the Motherland.  Another WGI was in the way, so I charged it into the Withershadow.  Or I would have if they had passed the leadership check caused by the Deathjack.  Instead they failed and fled.  DJ cut one down with a free strike while the other ran away, clearing the charge lane in the process.  Wishing that I could pop a feat without activating my caster, I declared the Butcher's charge.  The distance was close, but in the end I made it with a bit to spare.  I only needed a 7 to hit, but I boosted the first attack anyway.  I wanted that 5 die damage roll, but Orsus swung wide in his blood frenzy.  The second and third attacks hit home though, Lola drank her fill, and Skarre hit the dirt.

Fin.

I was very pleased with my play this game.  I still made a couple mental errors in order of activation, but I did manage to get everything in my list onto the table.  More to the point, I exploited the game mechanics better than I have in the past.  The Doomies were about to be in a bad way, but thanks to picking the right (failing) charge lanes and also charging a friendly (and well out of range) model I managed to salvage the situation.  In the first turn I peeled a couple Mechthralls away to get at the Stitch Thrall behind them.  I think I did a pretty good job of spotting most of the traps EV laid for me, and simple Khadoran hardiness saw me through the traps I stepped into.  The WGI again punched well above their weight, which is good because the Manhuntress did absolutely nothing and the Widowmakers were underwhelming.  Orsus proved to be the melee maniac he's advertised to be, falling just short of taking out Skarre with a single blow.  Going into the game I was concerned that his desire to get into melee wouldn't play well with my desire to keep him alive, but it all worked out just fine.

EV had talked about this list leading up to the game, calling it an eSkarre list.  Doing the little bit of research I could on Battle College, combined with some dirty tricks I remembered being discussed when Mk. 2 hit, I was expecting a Satyxis Raider list that centered on damaging my caster by hitting my jacks.  Obviously that isn't what EV brought, and further discussing taught me that he would have to damage my jacks to damage my caster, not just hit them.  With these expectations dashed, I wasn't sure what the trick to the list was.  The jacks did a good job of softening up my jacks for the Withershadow Combine, but Skarre didn't really add anything to the combo, and beyond that it was a regular Cryx list of McThralls and Bile Thralls.  When I asked EV what his list was supposed to do, he said it was just the Withershadow combo and that he ran it with eSkarre because she's a nasty caster.  Based on this one game I'd much rather face her than pDenny or pGaspy, but I get the feeling that she's far more capable than she was in this game.  Had EV popped his feat during his last turn the game probably would have ended much differently, and he mused on that in our post game chat.  In the end he took a couple shots to the mouth in the first few turns, losing all his McThralls and doing little in return.  His Purges came up just short twice, and he made a couple mental errors.  Despite all this he still gave me a scare at the end when the Withershadow joined the fight.  I won't attribute it to system particulars, but our last couple 40k games have been complete routs, while our last couple Warmachine games have been mostly taut affairs and enjoyable for both of us.  I'm not ready to put my 40k armies back in mothballs, but for the time being they'll be shifting from gaming projects, where I work on stuff so I can put it on the table, to hobby projects where the objective is to paint things I like instead of just things that will be effective on the table.  Of course now I'm inching closer and closer to doing a Warstore order for Wrath and any of a number of diverse, interesting, and perhaps compelling pieces.  Also waiting, impatiently, for the arrival of the Warmachine big box and its delicious cargo of plastic Shocktroopers.  I won't mind laying hands on some Protectorate models either, but that's a whole new project to add to an already long list.