Hiding

This last week has been a whirlwind of family while we attended a family reunion. Those who are on my facebook know that I'm tandem nursing but I wasn't sure how comfortable I would be nursing Olivia in front of all of those people. I had NO problems nursing Ella but Olivia is almost 3 and society says that breastfeeding a 3 year old is weird. I do NOT agree that breastfeeding a 3 year old is weird. I think it's beautiful and I'm SO proud that Olivia relatched and is nursing again. It drove me crazy that I felt uncomfortable nursing her like I usually do in front of all these people. I talked about it with my husband and my friends and I turned her down multiple times. Finally, right before bedtime, she was asking and so I did it. I nursed her in front of my mother in law. She just kept talking to me and didn't look twice. I don't know what she was thinking, but I so appreciated the fact that I didn't feel judged by her.
While we were at the family reunion, Olivia was too busy to want to breastfeed so it didn't become an issue. After we left, my brother in law came back with us so he can spend some time with all of us before going back to California. This morning, Olivia wanted a boobie (as she always does) and so I nursed her. My brother in law came upstairs. He ate breakfast and didn't look at me weirdly, didn't say anything...nothing. Again, I don't know what he was thinking but the fact that he didn't say anything or give me weird looks really meant the world to me.

I wish I could say I am now fully comfortable nursing Olivia in public. I wish I could say that I cured of my insecurities about nursing a toddler...I'm not though. It is definitely something I'm struggling with but I am working towards being more comfortable with it. Because our nursing relationship has been reestablished after a year of not nursing, Olivia is essentially nursing on demand and she likes to breastfeed at least 3-4 times a day, as much as 6 (usually not though). Generally speaking, I don't deny her when she wants to breastfeed, however I find myself denying her in public or when we're around family other then our immediate family or my mom.

I don't want to be this way though. I don't have a problem with people who keep their toddlers on a schedule, I TOTALLY understand it. The only reason I'm not is simply because we recently reestablished and she went a year without. As time goes on, I think I'll limit her a bit but for now I'm letting her nurse on demand and trying to work through my own issues that society has put upon me.

Wasted Away Again in Tandemville...

Three days after the birth of Chicklett I was starting to feel more fullness in my chest and knew that the milk would be coming soon. I had thoughts back to two years ago and how painful engorgement was for me, but thankfully this time around I have a secret weapon in my pocket! My toddler, Chicken Little, was going to be the star of the show for a few days by helping keep ahead of the engorgement wave.

The first night CL had already gone to bed before I realized that a flood was upon me. Chicklett was gulping and nursing more, but I knew from experience that a newborn is not generally enough to keep up. Around 4am I had serious thoughts about waking CL up JUST so he could nurse and drain me. But I just kept with Chicklett's newborn schedule and knew that soon enough my boy would be awake to help.

Rooster brought CL into the room around 8am and I informed CL that I had a present for him. We cuddled in bed and he had the surprise of his life! After 6 months of just comfort nursing and getting some colostrum (or "cat nip for toddlers" as I like to call it) he found himself access to mamas milk again! He did about 5-8 minutes on each side and I immediately felt much better. We were both happy campers all morning!

For the next week we had a bonus nursing session every morning where he would come bursting into the bedroom and nurse for a few minutes on each side. I was careful not to let him nurse for too long as I was afraid of him actually creating a demand of milk at that time and thus making a vicious cycle where I would have over supply in the morning. We soared through engorgement with flying colors and I couldn't be more happy!

I did nurse both children together a handful of times. It was difficult to do, but very sweet experience. Big brother would reach out and hold hands with little sister while they nursed. Melted my heart! And of course the camera was never around to capture the moment, but there will be more opportunities I hope!

During my pregnancy there were several times when CL went on a nursing strike and am I now very glad that I fought to keep our nursing relationship alive. Not only did I get to the goal of the World Health Organization of nursing for a minimum of 2-years, but now my children have a special bond and sharing opportunity. CL is only nursing about 1-3 times a day, and I will let him decide when he is done with mamas milk.

I am surrounded by supportive friends and family members whom I think understand the importance of this extended breastfeeding. It may not be the "norm" for our country, but there are a lot of things I do that aren't considered normal for the United States but is totally normal everywhere else in the world. :)

My First Experience

I will be referring to myself as Mother Hen. The other girls have given me this nickname since I am a generous six years older than them.... thus pretty much ancient. For fun sake my husband will be referred to as "Rooster" and my first born will be "Chicken Little" or "CL" for short. I am expecting my second child, "Hatchling" or "Hatch" in mid-October, gender will be a surprise. EDIT: I had my baby girl on October 12th 2010 and have ended up calling her Chicklet instead as it's just cuter that way. 

My breastfeeding journey began around 10:45pm September 5th 2008. I always knew I would breastfeed should I ever have children, and now the hour was upon me. I brought my tiny newborn son to my left breast and he latched on like a champ. I remember thinking how silly I had been to worry that this would be difficult. I remember the hardest part being trying to get him OFF of the nipple. We had to buzz the nurses several times when I was just exhausted/sore and he had been sucking away for much longer than the recommended "20 minutes per boob every 2 hours" I had been instructed to do.

Through the night I learned that there are challenges in breastfeeding and that doing research as well as having a support system are far from silly. After that initial time on the left breast, he would not touch lefty for about two days. I cried to nurses, doctors, my husband, and anyone that would listen that I was terrified to be a single-boob mom. Whenever I brought CL to my left breast he would arch his back as if there was something revoltingly wrong with it. All the professionals just laughed off my concerns and told me in a few weeks I wouldn't even remember all this "fuss." No one offered to send in a lactation consultant. No one offered me any tips or tricks. I was alone and completely freaking out. I pictured myself needing to supplement with formula and having lopsided boobs. I've known women who were only able to breastfeed with one boob, and hats off to them - but I definitely wanted use of both boobs since I had planned on nursing for a very long time.

Upon discharge from the hospital I let out one last plea to the nurse that came to go through the paperwork with us. She actually offered up some help! She asked if I had tried squeezing my boob to change the shape of the nipple. I did this, and CL went to town for 45 minutes. I couldn't believe how easy it was, and I was extra mad that no one else had bothered to give me such simple advice. I guess when all else fails... squeeze yer boobs! CL has always favored the right side, but I am very happy to have not been a single-boob mom.

Engorgement was ferocious for me and honestly I would have rather gone through labor again. I think part of why it was so bad is that my son was only 5 pounds 10.2 ounces at birth and the hospital had threatened to supplement with formula if he lost more than 5 ounces while at the hospital. I ignored their "every two hours" rule and probably had him on my boobs 90% of the time. He only lost 3 ounces. I win!!

I've had a pretty easy breastfeeding life after that first rough patch. Never any infections or issues (knock on wood). The most difficult part may have been learning how to breastfeed a "triangle" as CL was born with clubbed feet and needed to wear special braces on his legs 24/7 for 9 months, and then just overnights after that. The braces kept his legs far apart, so it was a little bit like holding a small guitar or something. We managed with pillows and plenty of extra back massages from the Rooster.

When my son was around 17 months old I sustained a serious injury, discovered I was pregnant, and needed to be hospitalized for about two days. I was given L3 level medications that I was not comfortable nursing my child with, so I did a few days of pumping and dumping. This period took a huge toll on our nursing relationship. We went from about four times a day down to just once a day. And my son's personality altered to being dependent on thumb sucking for comfort. It really broke my heart! Whenever he is stressed or upset he lays on the ground and sucks his thumb. Initially I tried to offer him a boob, but once the milk dried up due to pregnancy hormone changes he rarely took it for comfort.

Fast forward to CL being 24 months and 6 days old - I am still nursing CL once a day before nap time and occasionally for boo boos. It was my plan to make it to just two years, but with baby number two on the way in about a month I am really thinking that CL will be able to do me the hugest favor in the world by helping me through engorgement again. So, tandem nursing here I come! I'm not sure how long I will nurse both children. That's kind of more up to CL in my opinion. I feel like he got a little robbed out of his last six months of nursing, so at this point it is anything goes.