Sleep, Nursing Strikes, and Teething

Remember how I was trying to get Chase to sleep in his own bed? Talk about bad timing guys! ::headdesk::

OK, so I couldn't figure out why I had so much success followed by so. much. FAILURE. We were making great progress, but unknown to me, Chase was working on top teeth. We had several nights of extended midnight parties, then Friday all the poo hit the fans. He was up for three hours, wouldn't nurse to sleep, wouldn't do ANYTHING, and was a crab monster. It then occurred to me he hadn't actually nursed (other than a very short dream feed) since 2 that afternoon...then he was up and wild for three hours that night. He woke up and partied AGAIN at 3 and AGAIN would not nurse. I was growing more and more concerned, my breasts were growing fuller and fuller, my heart was starting to panic. Saturday he would not nurse and was struggling with sleep...then I looked at his top gums.

The face of one seriously teething baby.

Oh dear. They were so so swollen and it looked like at least FOUR teeth were trying to come through.

At this point I throw in the towel on the bed switching because he clearly needed to be with me, and I needed to be sure that if he was willing to nurse, that he could. He did NOT have ample wet diapers on Saturday...and I watched the hours tick by without him taking the breast. In fact, aside from a few sips from a sippy, and three different bottles, he wasn't drinking anything! We gave him some advil in case the homeopathics weren't strong enough for him in the hopes that he would nurse. At nap time (about 24 hours in) I got naked, got him naked, and snuggled him in the dark for nap time. I got him to take 4.5oz from a bottle because he still refused to nurse.  It was kind of tricky because he had wanted nothing in his mouth all day, so as he was sucking his fingers, I dribbled milk between the two fingers so it would slowly go into his mouth...this worked, he relaxed, and I was able to trade the bottle for his fingers. Then I laid down with him in bed...and he latched on.

First nursing in 24 hours.

 Cue giant sigh of relief. 24 hours without actually nursing...I actually cried. The whole situation was so stressful. We napped, but he would not nurse again. We took a bath with some calming essential oils, and went about our day. He did not nurse again the whole day, in fact. We limited his solids, and offered breastmilk as well as water in varies sippy cups and bottles as well as offering the breast but he definitely wasn't taking in enough. I probably pumped 28 or so oz and he didn't even take half of that.

Then it was bedtime. I didn't give him advil since it didn't seem to help any more than the homeopathics and I don't like OTC pain meds for little kids (or myself if I can help it actually). We started bedtime late because of a MASSIVE storm that knocked out our power and that was rumbling away still at 9pm. But again, I got naked, got the baby naked, offered the breast and just let him snuggle with me to see if he would calm enough to dream feed. He was clearly tired but could not settle, I'm assuming because he was hungry. So...I snuck the bottle in his mouth to get him some milkies in the hopes he would settle down with just a little then go on to dream feed. He did half the bottle (maybe 2oz) then wanted no more. He just snuggled there next to me sleeping and I was just rocking and relaxing with him when suddenly...VOILA! He latched on and nursed like he meant it. FINALLY!

We got into bed and snuggled down for the night. He woke at least 3 or 4 times to nurse during the night (1 time to party, and the other time to cry as hard as his darling little body could cry...poor guy). I kept up with his homeopathics during his wakings and he nursed thoroughly. I thought we were over it. But this morning he refused to nurse again. I offered him a sippy of breastmilk with his breakfast and again, as before, he would take only sips. So I went to pump, filled a bottle, and we went out to run errands as a family. While we were out he started getting cranky in the Ergo and wanted to nap but clearly was hungry. I decided to go to a quiet spot and offer the breast again to see if he would take it. Thankfully he did, but not for long. I think just enough to take the edge off his hunger so he could sleep...but it was progress. He did not want the bottle or a sippy (all this wasted milk!) so I let it go and he took a nap. Once we got home it was obvious it was time for a solid nap. So, again, I took a bottle to the room just in case, bared the boobies and the baby, and rocked him...and he nursed....nursed NURSED!

He had two boobs for nap time then slept almost two hours. I think after 48 hours I'm ready to call his strike off. His teeth have not erupted yet, and he's clearly still uncomfortable, but he's back to breast right now. Clearly this is calling the victory a little early and I'm kind of tentative. I am, however, hopeful that our strike was only 2 days and we will nurse happily ever after from here forward. This was probably the hardest two days I've had with Chase, and that's saying a lot. I cried several times, I was so concerned I was destined to be stuck to a pump for weeks waiting for him to come back to breast full time. I was worried that I wouldn't have the stamina to see it through. I was terrified he was done, even though I know better.

The thing that is difficult to convey in the telling of our very stressful 2 days is that whenever I offered the breast I did so calmly and gently. If he didn't want it right away, he wasn't going to, so I didn't force the issue on him since that would only frustrate him further and perhaps create an aversion. It took a lot of deep breathing and talking myself down from panic about the whole situation. I was a bit of a wreck on Saturday and I was very lucky to have friends reminding me that it was a phase, that it would pass, and to just take care of him and keep pumping until he came back to the breast. Another reason why it is SO vital to have a solid support system behind you when nursing.

Tonight he will probably go back into his crib, depending on how the rest of the evening/afternoon goes. We'll stick with the homeopathics and nurse as much (or as little if that be the case) as he likes. I would say his latch is not so hot right now because he is trying to get comfortable...so I'm a little bit sore between that and the pumping. It's nothing a little nipple butter won't smooth out though.

Nursing strikes can be very worrisome and stressful. It is important to remember, however, before 1 year of age, if a baby stops nursing, they are NOT self-weaning. Weaning indicates that a baby is slowing reducing the amount and frequency of their nursing. Few children self-wean prior to the age of 2 although there are some opportunities to gently wean when baby is busy busy busy after the age of one. If your baby is not nursing as they seem like the should, do not automatically assume baby is weaning, first assume it is a nursing strike and work on breaking the strike. Make sure you get lots of support from your fellow mamas online or in real life because this is an emotionally difficult time. Our No Time For Nursing post has some wonderful tips compiled from personal experience as well as research to help with a baby who is refusing to nurse. I would like to add a few tips to this that I have learned (and been reminded of by my dear mama friends) during the last two days.

1. As difficult as it is, try to remain calm, cool, and collected. Your baby can sense your mood. Before offering the breast, take some slow, deep breaths, try to get some snuggles in with your baby, laugh and tickle and cuddle.


2. Get Nakey! Or at least topless, and get your baby, no matter his or her age, down to diaper. Skin to skin is calming for babies of all age. If you bedshare, nap with baby if you are able, the closeness and availability of the breast will encourage breastfeeding. Taking a warm bath helps to calm your nerves and baby's nerves as well as provide more skin to skin time.


3. Don't force the baby to the breast. If baby isn't going to take the breast right away, generally he won't do it in 5 minutes or 10 minutes either. Just be cool about it. Give baby a kiss and send him on his way.


4. Make sure baby is getting fed...sippy, cup, bottle, whatever. You don't want your baby getting dehydrated in the process.


5. Protect your supply. Make sure you are effectively and regularly expressing milk (hand, pump, whatever works for you). Any refused feeding should be replaced by a thorough pumping. If you allow the milk to fill your breasts, your body will assume that it no longer needs to make that much milk. So make sure you keep removing the milk.


6. You can diagnose the cause of the strike to death, but it won't do you any good. Just be persistent, calm, cool and collected. So many things may cause a baby to refuse nursing. In Chase's case it was encountering pain from teething while nursing, so that even when he wasn't in pain, he was afraid he would be at breast. Sometimes babies get startled when you gasp or jump because they bit you and are afraid to nurse. Often, there is no reason that anyone can put their finger on. Maybe a cold? Sore throat? Headache? Whatever, it doesn't really matter. Moving forward do lots of things to make it a pleasant and enticing experience. Sing to your baby, snuggle and tickle, play little games, chomp on little fingers and toes.


7. Be patient. Chase's strike seems to have been short, but some last a week, two weeks, a month! It is very trying, it's emotionally exhausting, it's physically exhausting, but sticking it out, protecting your supply, and letting the baby come back to breast on his/her own terms will yield great payouts for you and for your baby.

Here are some resources I hope you will find useful should you find yourself in the midst of a nursing strike:

• Kelly Mom (of course!): Regards any age baby not nursing, it isn't necessarily directly about nursing strikes, but the tips here are VERY useful if you are in the midst of a nursing strike. It also has helpful hints and techniques if you have a very young baby refusing the breast for any reason.


• Mother and Child Health - Surviving a Nursing Strike, I am not all that familiar, but this article seems to have some good tips though some seem to be more appropriate for younger babies than mine. If I gave Chase my finger to suck on, he would bite it off. ;)


• La Leche League:


• Frequently Asked Questions


• Nursing Strike Resource Page


• Dr. Jay Gordon's Site: Nursing Strikes


• I recommend checking out The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding for great information on strikes. The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers also has some good tips, but in general I do not recommend this book to moms, it's too much reading. It would serve you well to go look at the section on nursing strikes while you are in the book store or library and just leave it at that.


• And for a little hope that THIS TOO SHALL PASS...Chronicle of a 40-day Nursing Strike

I hope that you find some helpful tips here and that this can help you weather your own situation. It's OK to KNOW that your baby isn't weaning, to KNOW that this too shall pass, to KNOW that this is temporary and still feel totally overwhelmed by emotion. I was shocked by my own reaction not only by Chase's refusal to nurse, but by the fact that each time he HAS nursed that I have cried a little and breathed a huge sigh of relief...that's I've felt tension and anxiety melt out of me with each successful nursing over this period of time. I felt like I held my breath for two days, but to me, no matter how long this could have lasted, it is worth it to see it through.

We here at The Good Letdown are here for you too, if you are in the middle of a strike and need mamas to reach out to, information, support, someone to tell you that it's going to be ok...you know where to find us!

Guest Blog: Mandy's Story

Growing up I don't remember seeing anyone breastfeeding, I know step-mum fed her boys as I remember her having a conversation with her friend about what the best breastpads where and that she would give her friend some to try. I did see a lot of bottles but then it was the 80's. For some reason though, I knew when the time came I would breastfeed, to me there wasn't another option.

I was 26 when I had my 1st, a gorgeous daughter. I had planned a natural water birth, but as seems to be way with my little girl, it didn't go to plan. Everything that could go wrong did, after 37 hours of pre-labour, where I got to 5cms then dilated in reverse, I was rushed to theatre for an emergency section. I don't really remember much of her birth, my husband got the 1st cuddle and showed me our daughter and I passed out. I had been adamant from the start that she was going to be breastfed and even through the worst moments I kept reminding everyone that that's what I wanted. Once she was around 15 minutes old I got my wish. The midwife put her to my left breast and my Princess latched on immediately, as if she had been doing it her whole life, she fed for what felt like ages then fell into a contented sleep. As I was recovering from surgery the midwives helped me latch her on all through the night.

I was in hospital for 3 days before I was begging to go home, the whole time I was on the ward the midwives didn't help at all, I was the only mum in a ward of 4 who was breastfeeding. I had one feed where I just couldn't get her latched on at all, I buzzed on loads of occasions but no one ever came. Eventually I managed to get it right by myself, and discovered I had lived in the same street as the health care assistant, she was great; she brought me extra pillows and made sure I had plenty to drink.

By the time I got home, breastfeeding was 2nd nature. Sometimes I was embarrassed because it was so easy for me, but I was coming to terms with feeling like my body had failed me because I need a section, finding breastfeeding so easy was very healing for me.

When my health visitor came round, she told me she could have hugged me, I was her only milker she told me. She was determined I not stop, probably more so than I was.

I fed anywhere and everywhere, I didn't use a cover even though I am large breasted. I did start to get to comments once she was 6 months old about when I was planning on stopping, but I was planning on feeding for a year. Unfortunately she decided to stop at 10 months, I now know that was probably a nursing strike. I'm confident I would be able to work through that now. I always seemed to have plenty of milk, and could easily pump 8 ounces from 1 breast, I was gutted that I ended up having to throw milk away as it was going to waste.

I found out I was expecting my 2nd, a beautiful boy, the day before my daughters 3rd birthday. I was terrified of having the same experience with him so begged the consultants for an elective section. I had to have 2 separate appointments with the consultants before they would agree. They wanted me to have a trial by labour, as this was their policy. I wasn't happy to put my mental health at risk, or put my husband through watching his wife again, just for their numbers. When they finally agreed and gave me a date, it was very strange knowing the day my baby would be born. I had a feeling the whole way through that he was breech but my midwife shrugged off, but sure enough he came out foot first. I didn't pass out this time but was very shaky, so daddy got the 1st cuddle. I re-iterated my wish to breastfeed and the midwife said she remembered. As I had done more research this time, I was a little nervous that it might not be easy 2nd time round, but I was very lucky again; he latched on straight away and nursed like a pro. The midwife, said I clearly knew what I was doing, so would leave me to get to know my little man. As soon as she left, I started vomiting, unfortunately once I started I couldn't stop. I can laugh about it now, but I was mortified at the time when threw up into a bowl, all over myself and all over the bed, but not a drop went on the baby.

As I was at a different hospital from the 1st time, I found the staff a lot more supportive. I was told I was an old pro, and even helped a few of the mothers with their issues. I had a visit from the infant feeding co-ordinator about training as a peer supporter. For some reason I was a lot iller the 2nd time around, and needed to stay in hospital an extra day, on day 3 my milk came in, and it was like some had turned a tap on, I literally had milk pouring from me and filled 3 containers using the hospital pump.

I had read about milk donation after my oldest had stopped feeding, and vowed that if I had loads of milk this time, I would not pour it down the sink but donate it to where it would maybe do some good. So from when my son was 6 weeks old till he was 6 months, I filled bottle after bottle - took up a whole drawer in my freezer - everyday to go to the nearest milk bank.

Again I fed everywhere and anywhere, and only once encountered a problem: we went for a family meal, and being a sociable little boy, he wanted something to eat too. So I just went ahead and fed, I noticed a woman out of the corner of eye staring at me and whispering to the man she was with. They called over the waiter and started talking and gesturing to me. I thought great, let them try, I know my rights. The waiter came over to us, smiled and offered me a free re-fill on my drink, I could have laughed, here I was ready for a confrontation, then this lad who couldn't have been more than 21 was subtly standing up for me.

Again once he got to 6 months, I started getting the question from other people about when I was going to stop. I knew I wanted to feed for longer than I had my daughter, I set myself a goal of 12 months then see how we go. My son had had quite severe eczema since birth and nothing was shifting it, it was horrible to watch a small baby scratching away at himself. I posted on a mum's forum asking for advice on creams, and someone mentioned in passing that their child had an allergy to dairy. I trawled the net looking for back up and everything I read said that a dairy allergy could manifest as eczema. My 1st port of call was our GP but my theory was rubbished, he told me babies can't have allergies. But my instincts told me I was right, so I cut all dairy from mine and his diet for a week to see what would happen, and his eczema seemed to lessen, I started introducing diary back in and he flared up. I returned to a different GP and demanded an allergy test, and 2 weeks later just after his 1st birthday, we had a diagnoses that he was severely allergic to all dairy, but also had a topical allergy to bananas, tomatoes, egg whites (only if it isn't cooked) and strawberries. After that his skin cleared up brilliantly, along with a creaming regime from the community nurse. I was determined to nurse him for as long he would take. He stopped himself at 16 months, I was devastated. I tried everything to get him to latch back on but he wouldn't have any of it, and by then I had stopped pumping and could no longer get anything out with any pump I tried. I did get some donated milk from a friend but she couldn't do it long term, so I had to accept that he was done.

Breastfeeding and watching my babies grow, knowing it was all down to me, is one of the proudest achievements of my life. But without the unwavering support of my husband, who always helped as much as he could (I sometimes wonder if he'd had the tools, he would have probably fed the babies himself). He never offered to get some formula just in case, and would only offer to give them a bottle of expressed milk if I was absolutely exhausted from lack of sleep.

If I was to pass on advice to an expectant mum, I would say 1st read everything you can about breastfeeding, educate yourself, there are some brilliant websites and facebook groups out there - The Normalising Nursing in Public League is one of them (http://www.facebook.com/NNIPL?ref=ts ). Take it 1 feed at a time and congratulate yourself after every feed. Don't listen to people who aren't supportive, and trust your instincts.

If you can consider donating your extra milk to a sick kids or premature unit. It's a very worthwhile cause (http://www.ukamb.org/donor.html ). There is also a group on facebook for mother to mother milk sharing (http://www.facebook.com/HM4HBUK ).

Mandy, mummy to 2. Livingston, West Lothian, Scotland.