Let's encourage, support...and stop the attacks

Yesterday, I posted this article and said the following:

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say this is why so many people look at lactivists and think we're nutty. I do NOT agree with everything this article says however there are a few things I want to say. 1. How did the protestors of this ad know anything about the situation that lead to this baby being fed a bottle? Perhaps mom died, perhaps she works, perhaps she was at the dr, perhaps she exclusively pumps, perhaps she has cancer and is on chemo and can't breastfeed...WHO KNOWS!? 2. If we're going to portray an ad that includes a daddy bottle feeding his babe, don't we want it to look JUST LIKE THIS ONE?! We always say that feeding time should be an intimate experience, regardless of if it's bottle or breast...how could this be any less intimate? Daddy is holding his baby close, kissing baby's head, snuggling baby...that's about as perfect of a bottle feeding as it gets. 
What do you think?

Of course, as soon as I posted that some of our readers got defensive about using the word "protesters" and said we were calling lactivists nutty...among others. Le sigh. I knew this would happen when I dared to disagree with the breastfeeding community, but I really do feel that the removal of this picture is just simply unnecessary. I know I know...that's going to make people angry that I said that. I accept that but I really want to say something here.

Why I'm upset about people being upset about this image is that it shows a daddy being so loving, so involved with his childs feeding....it's such a sweet, beautiful image. Absolutely, breastfeeding is best and normal. We KNOW that. I mean come on people..do some people honestly think that we have some hidden agenda trying to normalize bottlefeeding and The Good Letdown is just a front? No. We take hours of time our of our lives to normalize breastfeeding, to assist mothers, to answer questions. We moderate our facebook page, comb through the list of people who joined to look for obvious trolls, we communicate with other breastfeeding pages on facebook about potential trolls...we do this all free. We get together and have meetings about how we can make this the best blog and support group for all the mamas out there...simply because we care. We do not make a single cent off this page. Often times, we buy things for giveaways...just because we want to. Our time, energy, research...it's all because we are passionate about breastfeeding and we truly want to normalize it and help others. That being said, I still disagree that this picture needs to be removed.

There are situations where bottles are necessary. Maybe mama works full time and daddy stays at home. Maybe mama died. Maybe he's a gay dad. Maybe both parents work split shifts so that someone is always home with baby. Maybe mama has severe postpartum depression and needed to go to the doctor. Maybe mama just wanted to go to the freaking grocery store along for 45 minutes and drink a cup of coffee. We don't know what the situation is that leads to this image of this papa feeding his baby. Maybe it's expressed breastmilk and maybe it's formula. In a perfect world, all babies would be breastfed and all mamas would breastfeed whenever and whereever. In a perfect world, breastfeeding would be shown on TV shows, talked about in novels, would be on Sesame Street and Sid the Science Kid. But as we know, there are babies who are bottle fed. And there are babies who are on formula. And as strongly as I believe all babies deserve breastmilk, I also understand that it's simply not always going to be the case. And if that's the case, I am comforted by the fact that the papas in the world would feed their babies like this papa is feeding his baby. Snuggled closely, kissing baby's head, not propping the bottle...he is involved with the feeding.

I am NOT saying that daddy's need to feed their baby to bond with them. That's not what I'm saying AT ALL. What I AM saying is that IF daddy has to feed the baby a bottle, for whatever reason, this is the way to do it. What we have here is a picture of a young daddy, snuggling his baby close to him so baby can hear his heartbeat, feel his breathing and kissing baby's head while he feeds him. This image is the perfect example of how we should feed a baby IF baby cannot be breastfed.

Now, all that being said (man, I can't believe how I have to defend this), I do see why LLL leaders in NZ did what they did but I do think they could have handled it differently. What if, instead of removing this lovely image of papa feeding his baby, they put their efforts into normalizing nursing another way? Could we have two commercials? Could we have two families in the commercial (which, by the way, is a non smoking commercial)? I mean...can't we find another way that doesn't take away this image of a daddy feeding his baby in the most loving way possible? To me, this picture is empowering for young fathers who may not be as involved. Let's fight the bottle propping, the formula advertisements and continue normalizing breastfeeding and breastfeeding in public instead of fighting an ad like this. If it the mother had ANYTHING to do with this ad, I could see an argument but the mother isn't present.

I'm not saying lactivists are nutty. I'm a lactivist. An outspoken one. Every single person I know, friend, family member, acquaintance, neighbor...they all know it. My book shelves are lined with all breastfeeding books, my mind thinks about breastfeeding way more than it should, I talk about it multiple times a day, I hand out "thank you for nursing in public" cards...I am a lactivist. And I've been called a boob nazi, a breastfeeding nut..etc etc etc. I don't' like that we're viewed that way. WHAT I SAID was NOT that lactivists are nutty. What I SAID was that we are viewed that way and when we get pissed off and jump on this type of thing...it furthers that myth about us. That is all I said. And I also said I didn't agree with much of the way the article was written. But sometimes, people are SO quick to jump onto a few words and it gets out of hand.

Let's fight this:

And let's support and encourage this (and more!):

Guest Blog: Cherie's Bewbs

A few months ago I asked my good friend Cherie to post her story because of the message it sends to other women. We met online during our pregnancies with our first (they are only about 2 weeks apart). Cherie breastfed her first for almost 16 months, and I remember once things smoothed out, how much she enjoyed it, but a struggle with severe Postpartum Depression forced her to make a decision in the best interest of her family and she is now bottle feeding her second baby due to the medication to control it. I wanted to share her story because we don't always know why mother's are bottle feeding, and sometimes women have to do what's best for everyone in the picture, not just baby. Remember, friends...it's milk, not poison!

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I have 2 children, Jude 26 months, Seraphina 5 months.  Jude breastfed until just a few days before he turned 16 months.  I had so many problems breastfeeding him in the first 6 months, looking back I’m amazed we kept going.  Mastitis, very painful thrush for me, cracked, bleeding PAINFUL nipples.  Nipple confusion too.  I ended up using a nipple shield until he was about 4 months old, then he finally latched on and it was about 2 more months of pain before we settled into breastfeeding nicely.  Through all of it, I cried, I was angry, I wanted to quit but I never did.  I’m pretty stubborn when I want to be and I am glad I fought through it.

When Jude was 6 months old, we moved to Buenos Aires, Argentina to be with my husband.  The rare thing down there was to see a woman bottle feeding.  It was impossible to go out and not see babies on boobies, no covers or anything.  It was so freeing breastfeeding anywhere without a cover and not having to worry about some close minded, ignorant person freaking out!

When Jude was 13 months old, I got pregnant with his sister.  He nursed through the 1st trimester, which was painful again due to sore 1st trimester boobs!  I was planning to tandem nurse if that’s what Jude wanted to do, but he weaned himself when I was about 13 weeks pregnant.  It was a pleasant, peaceful weaning because he wanted it.  I was a little sad, but I won’t lie and say I wasn’t a little relieved to have a break before his sister got here!

I was happy, and pregnant with Seraphina, and came back to the States with Jude when I was 26 weeks pregnant because we wanted her to be born here.  My pregnancy was smooth and easy except for gaining 66 pounds and her being breech like her brother was, so she was born by C-section also.  I was 40 weeks along and she was a fat and healthy 7 pounds 11 ounces.

After she was born and my Dr showed her to me over the screen, I remember being so relieved that she was out and OK.  They brought her up to my head so I could meet her and the feelings I remember were relief and exhaustion.  I looked at her and touched her face for a minute or two and then they had to take her to clean her up and all that stuff.  They had a mommy cam set up over where they clean her up and they had a screen by my head so I could watch everything.  I remember watching and feeling kind of disconnected and thinking it was like watching A Baby Story on TLC.  I had a lot of scar tissue from my first C-section so I was in surgery for about an hour and a half.  My mom held her up by my head the whole time I was being operated on.  I held her as soon as I was in recovery, and a wonderful nurse helped me get her latched on the first time.  Seraphina knew exactly what to do and was a wonderful nurser.  I don’t remember feeling anything but exhaustion while she nursed the first time.  I was just so tired I wanted to be left alone with my baby to sleep.  I finally got to go to my room and sleep for a while.  My family all showed up and brought Jude to meet his sister.  He wanted nothing to do with her or me and it just broke my heart.  I bribed him with some French fries and he finally came and sat with me though!

While in the hospital I pushed myself because I wanted to go home in 2 days instead of 3.  I was up walking around that night, with help of course, but I really wanted to go home.  While in the hospital I remember just being frustrated with breastfeeding and timing her so I could give her a binky because I didn’t want her comforting and pacifying at the breast.

I also remember feeling so disconnected from her and when people would say how cute she was, I felt like I couldn’t see it.  I didn’t think she was ugly, I just felt like I was looking at her through the wrong side of binoculars or something.

We finally went home and I still was feeling disconnected and frustrated every time she nursed.  I turned the TV on to distract myself and help me get through a session.  2 weeks in my nipples were hurting so bad and then we got thrush.  I decided to just pump so that we could get rid of it.  I was soooo relieved to be pumping even though exclusively pumping is a pain in the ass!  The stress and worry of pumping was such a relief after the frustration, discomfort and emotional problems while nursing.  I was able to exclusively pump for about 2 weeks then I had to start supplementing a couple of times a day and more and more until I couldn’t even pump an ounce.  I was so relieved.  She was around 12 weeks old and I was diagnosed with post partum depression.  It explained so much.  I’ve struggled with depression on and off since I was a teenager, but I have never gone to such a low, dark place like I did in the weeks after having my daughter.  The way it made me feel towards my children, especially my daughter, it was just a whole new level of terrible.  The guilt I felt was so heavy.  The guilt for not breastfeeding.  The guilt for being RELIEVED to not be breastfeeding.  The guilt every time I made her a bottle.  I was in such a deep, dark depression, I wanted to die, I thought about it all the time.  I went as far as to write letters.  When I got to that point I called my counselor I had when I was pregnant with my son.  I went to see her, she sent me right to a therapist who prescribed me medicine and was thisclose to sending me to the hospital, but my dad came up and talked to her and we all made an agreement he would watch me closely.  I still wanted to die, but I knew that there was a reason, and I could get better with the medication and therapy.  Once I got on the Zoloft it was maybe 2 days and I was HAPPY…too happy.  So I talked to my therapist about it and she said that if you are bipolar Zoloft will make you “too happy” or hypo manic, which isn’t as intense as full blown mania but it can lead to it.  So along with PPD I have the lovely diagnosis of bipolar disorder.  I had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was about 21, and I did not agree with the doctor for a number of reasons. But I’m on mood stabilizers now, and they are really helping.  I’m still struggling but nothing like I was in the weeks after I had my daughter.

I have a wonderful relationship with her, and I think she is the cutest baby girl in the entire universe, I want to hold her, kiss her, blow farts on her tummy and just spend time with her..  I look at pictures of her when she was first born and feel sad that I missed out on so much because I was in such a bad place.  I never wanted to hold her, my mom held her almost all the time, and when I started pumping she fed her a lot too.  I’m grateful where I am today and how happy I am with my babies.

As for not breastfeeding her.  I still have some guilt.  I know formula isn’t what is BEST for her, but it is what was best for US.  It was so difficult emotionally to have her at the breast, I just couldn’t do it.  But the relief and the bond I have felt while bottle feeding her is so great.

Here we are at 8 months, bottle feeding is an expensive pain, cleaning bottles suck, but I have a fat, happy and healthy daughter, and my kids have a mother on her way to being happy and healthy.  And that is what is most important for my little family.