Let's encourage, support...and stop the attacks

Yesterday, I posted this article and said the following:

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say this is why so many people look at lactivists and think we're nutty. I do NOT agree with everything this article says however there are a few things I want to say. 1. How did the protestors of this ad know anything about the situation that lead to this baby being fed a bottle? Perhaps mom died, perhaps she works, perhaps she was at the dr, perhaps she exclusively pumps, perhaps she has cancer and is on chemo and can't breastfeed...WHO KNOWS!? 2. If we're going to portray an ad that includes a daddy bottle feeding his babe, don't we want it to look JUST LIKE THIS ONE?! We always say that feeding time should be an intimate experience, regardless of if it's bottle or breast...how could this be any less intimate? Daddy is holding his baby close, kissing baby's head, snuggling baby...that's about as perfect of a bottle feeding as it gets. 
What do you think?

Of course, as soon as I posted that some of our readers got defensive about using the word "protesters" and said we were calling lactivists nutty...among others. Le sigh. I knew this would happen when I dared to disagree with the breastfeeding community, but I really do feel that the removal of this picture is just simply unnecessary. I know I know...that's going to make people angry that I said that. I accept that but I really want to say something here.

Why I'm upset about people being upset about this image is that it shows a daddy being so loving, so involved with his childs feeding....it's such a sweet, beautiful image. Absolutely, breastfeeding is best and normal. We KNOW that. I mean come on people..do some people honestly think that we have some hidden agenda trying to normalize bottlefeeding and The Good Letdown is just a front? No. We take hours of time our of our lives to normalize breastfeeding, to assist mothers, to answer questions. We moderate our facebook page, comb through the list of people who joined to look for obvious trolls, we communicate with other breastfeeding pages on facebook about potential trolls...we do this all free. We get together and have meetings about how we can make this the best blog and support group for all the mamas out there...simply because we care. We do not make a single cent off this page. Often times, we buy things for giveaways...just because we want to. Our time, energy, research...it's all because we are passionate about breastfeeding and we truly want to normalize it and help others. That being said, I still disagree that this picture needs to be removed.

There are situations where bottles are necessary. Maybe mama works full time and daddy stays at home. Maybe mama died. Maybe he's a gay dad. Maybe both parents work split shifts so that someone is always home with baby. Maybe mama has severe postpartum depression and needed to go to the doctor. Maybe mama just wanted to go to the freaking grocery store along for 45 minutes and drink a cup of coffee. We don't know what the situation is that leads to this image of this papa feeding his baby. Maybe it's expressed breastmilk and maybe it's formula. In a perfect world, all babies would be breastfed and all mamas would breastfeed whenever and whereever. In a perfect world, breastfeeding would be shown on TV shows, talked about in novels, would be on Sesame Street and Sid the Science Kid. But as we know, there are babies who are bottle fed. And there are babies who are on formula. And as strongly as I believe all babies deserve breastmilk, I also understand that it's simply not always going to be the case. And if that's the case, I am comforted by the fact that the papas in the world would feed their babies like this papa is feeding his baby. Snuggled closely, kissing baby's head, not propping the bottle...he is involved with the feeding.

I am NOT saying that daddy's need to feed their baby to bond with them. That's not what I'm saying AT ALL. What I AM saying is that IF daddy has to feed the baby a bottle, for whatever reason, this is the way to do it. What we have here is a picture of a young daddy, snuggling his baby close to him so baby can hear his heartbeat, feel his breathing and kissing baby's head while he feeds him. This image is the perfect example of how we should feed a baby IF baby cannot be breastfed.

Now, all that being said (man, I can't believe how I have to defend this), I do see why LLL leaders in NZ did what they did but I do think they could have handled it differently. What if, instead of removing this lovely image of papa feeding his baby, they put their efforts into normalizing nursing another way? Could we have two commercials? Could we have two families in the commercial (which, by the way, is a non smoking commercial)? I mean...can't we find another way that doesn't take away this image of a daddy feeding his baby in the most loving way possible? To me, this picture is empowering for young fathers who may not be as involved. Let's fight the bottle propping, the formula advertisements and continue normalizing breastfeeding and breastfeeding in public instead of fighting an ad like this. If it the mother had ANYTHING to do with this ad, I could see an argument but the mother isn't present.

I'm not saying lactivists are nutty. I'm a lactivist. An outspoken one. Every single person I know, friend, family member, acquaintance, neighbor...they all know it. My book shelves are lined with all breastfeeding books, my mind thinks about breastfeeding way more than it should, I talk about it multiple times a day, I hand out "thank you for nursing in public" cards...I am a lactivist. And I've been called a boob nazi, a breastfeeding nut..etc etc etc. I don't' like that we're viewed that way. WHAT I SAID was NOT that lactivists are nutty. What I SAID was that we are viewed that way and when we get pissed off and jump on this type of thing...it furthers that myth about us. That is all I said. And I also said I didn't agree with much of the way the article was written. But sometimes, people are SO quick to jump onto a few words and it gets out of hand.

Let's fight this:

And let's support and encourage this (and more!):

Adventures in Counseling - Getting the Itch

So an amazing thing has come out of our work on The Good Letdown...a path. All three of us have now not only discovered our desire to educate about and normalize nursing, but our unique passion for directly counseling mothers through breastfeeding difficulties and successes. Why? Because it is so extremely meaningful and satisfying, to noodle out a situation, save a woman some heartache, empower her to find a solution.

Let me tell you my first direct counseling experience. My friend Sarah (not her real name) had a long, hard induction that took about three days. Baby boy was born vaginally and she fought around every single corner to ensure that he was. She was a real warrior. Sarah got home on Baby Boy's second day, she nursed and nursed him, his latch seemed good and had been assessed by the hospital lactation consultant. However, for the duration of her pregnancy and her stay in the hospital she had been told over and over that she likely would not make milk or not make enough because, you see, Sarah has Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome which interferes with the hormones related to reproduction (and thus, milk production, or so the theories say). After a three-day induction and 9 months of being told her body was broken, the heartache that ensued in the following days makes sense.

I talked to Sarah at all hours during the 6 days following her birth. It took her milk SIX DAYS to come in. Baby Boy nursed and nursed, and we talked many times about monitoring his well-being, I made sure she was seeing a lactation consultant, and made myself available to her at all hours. I employed the help of my co-bloggers here and our extended friend network to make sure that she was well supported with solid information and enough shoulders to cry on. Sarah was scared, Baby Boy's diapers were wet, but not very, he was hungry. She stuck it out, and the milk came pouring in on day six.

I cried. It was a nail biter, but we worked together in supporting her, encouraging her to follow her instincts, reassuring her that it was OK to freak out, and assuring her that her milk would come. It was hard, we were all starting to question whether she was going to be in the very small number of women who struggled with milk production due to PCOS...and when she told us her milk was in, that her breasts were full and dripping, that the baby was gulping...I cried. i couldn't help it. Her determination, her willingness to seek support and our ability to provide it saved that nursing relationship.

It was eye opening, and everytime I read about a mother here on The Good Letdown who has struggled and overcome, who gives what she can and supplements the rest, who is looking out for the very best she can do for her baby...I am reminded how important the work of counseling women is in our society where so few women breastfeed. Everytime a reader posts a question and I see our community come out and share love, support, and information, I learn something new. It's wonderful!

I am going to be posting here and there as I learn through the mothers I counsel in my new position with WIC. I hope that we can encourage others to become counselors or leaders in the breastfeeding community...we can normalize nursing one person at a time...educate one and she may educate another.