I'll Admit it... I Judge When I See Formula...

... but I'm not judging the mothers. I'm judging the failed system that let that mother down and let her to needing to depend on an artificial substitute.

HOW can you be a pediatrician, lactation consultant/counselor, family practitioner, nurse, peer, or human being and not figure out that your advice is repeatedly ending a breastfeeding mothers relationship? Haven't you realized that almost every mother who comes to you with trouble is no longer nursing at four months? Shouldn't you wake up and get yourself some training so you are better at your job? This IS a part of your job! If you were a mechanic who knew nothing about fixing electrical components of cars and kept breaking peoples cars by pretending you knew what you were doing you'd probably be in jail by now!

I put pediatricians on the highest fault level because most other professionals probably don't see a follow up to know if their advice worked or not. Typically newborns are seen at 1 day, 1 week, 2 weeks, 6 weeks, 8 weeks, and 16 weeks. That's six times in their first four months of life. When moms ask for my advice its almost always the same concerns, and just trusting your body, baby, and boobs is almost always my answer. If your baby is happy and having wet diapers - it's ALL GOOD. I wish pediatricians would get on the same page about that and stop dolling out horrible advice about feeding schedules, expecting a specific weight gain as compared to a formula fed baby, and just not understanding anything about the natural process.

A good point was brought up to me the other day about my concerns about weight gain with Chicklett. She gained only 2 oz from 4 to 6 months, and another 11 oz during a 6 week trial follow up period - she fell from being 40th percentile down to 15th. I was positive they were going to try and talk to me about supplementing with formula. Fortunately, they did not. BUT... in the hands of the wrong pediatrician I could certainly see it happening. What advice would doctors give a mother with a formula fed baby who had the same weight gain pattern? Would they suggest she find some breastmilk or start lactating? Why are pediatricians so quick to always blame the breastmilk whenever there is a problem?

Are there good professionals out there? Of course there are... but they certainly aren't required to know anything about breastfeeding to be a pediatrician. How can we change that? Demand more from your health care providers. Report when you are given false information. Seek out pediatricians that have taken the time to do specialized training. In most situations you are warrent enough time to ask for a second opinion, have an appointment with an LC or IBCLC, and ask around your support groups. If it is not an immediate life or death situation you have time to ask for these things! Most of all trust your gut instinct. You know what is best for your baby. If your pediatrician isn't running in sync with your instincts it is time to look elsewhere.

Guest Blog: Cherie's Bewbs

A few months ago I asked my good friend Cherie to post her story because of the message it sends to other women. We met online during our pregnancies with our first (they are only about 2 weeks apart). Cherie breastfed her first for almost 16 months, and I remember once things smoothed out, how much she enjoyed it, but a struggle with severe Postpartum Depression forced her to make a decision in the best interest of her family and she is now bottle feeding her second baby due to the medication to control it. I wanted to share her story because we don't always know why mother's are bottle feeding, and sometimes women have to do what's best for everyone in the picture, not just baby. Remember, friends...it's milk, not poison!

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I have 2 children, Jude 26 months, Seraphina 5 months.  Jude breastfed until just a few days before he turned 16 months.  I had so many problems breastfeeding him in the first 6 months, looking back I’m amazed we kept going.  Mastitis, very painful thrush for me, cracked, bleeding PAINFUL nipples.  Nipple confusion too.  I ended up using a nipple shield until he was about 4 months old, then he finally latched on and it was about 2 more months of pain before we settled into breastfeeding nicely.  Through all of it, I cried, I was angry, I wanted to quit but I never did.  I’m pretty stubborn when I want to be and I am glad I fought through it.

When Jude was 6 months old, we moved to Buenos Aires, Argentina to be with my husband.  The rare thing down there was to see a woman bottle feeding.  It was impossible to go out and not see babies on boobies, no covers or anything.  It was so freeing breastfeeding anywhere without a cover and not having to worry about some close minded, ignorant person freaking out!

When Jude was 13 months old, I got pregnant with his sister.  He nursed through the 1st trimester, which was painful again due to sore 1st trimester boobs!  I was planning to tandem nurse if that’s what Jude wanted to do, but he weaned himself when I was about 13 weeks pregnant.  It was a pleasant, peaceful weaning because he wanted it.  I was a little sad, but I won’t lie and say I wasn’t a little relieved to have a break before his sister got here!

I was happy, and pregnant with Seraphina, and came back to the States with Jude when I was 26 weeks pregnant because we wanted her to be born here.  My pregnancy was smooth and easy except for gaining 66 pounds and her being breech like her brother was, so she was born by C-section also.  I was 40 weeks along and she was a fat and healthy 7 pounds 11 ounces.

After she was born and my Dr showed her to me over the screen, I remember being so relieved that she was out and OK.  They brought her up to my head so I could meet her and the feelings I remember were relief and exhaustion.  I looked at her and touched her face for a minute or two and then they had to take her to clean her up and all that stuff.  They had a mommy cam set up over where they clean her up and they had a screen by my head so I could watch everything.  I remember watching and feeling kind of disconnected and thinking it was like watching A Baby Story on TLC.  I had a lot of scar tissue from my first C-section so I was in surgery for about an hour and a half.  My mom held her up by my head the whole time I was being operated on.  I held her as soon as I was in recovery, and a wonderful nurse helped me get her latched on the first time.  Seraphina knew exactly what to do and was a wonderful nurser.  I don’t remember feeling anything but exhaustion while she nursed the first time.  I was just so tired I wanted to be left alone with my baby to sleep.  I finally got to go to my room and sleep for a while.  My family all showed up and brought Jude to meet his sister.  He wanted nothing to do with her or me and it just broke my heart.  I bribed him with some French fries and he finally came and sat with me though!

While in the hospital I pushed myself because I wanted to go home in 2 days instead of 3.  I was up walking around that night, with help of course, but I really wanted to go home.  While in the hospital I remember just being frustrated with breastfeeding and timing her so I could give her a binky because I didn’t want her comforting and pacifying at the breast.

I also remember feeling so disconnected from her and when people would say how cute she was, I felt like I couldn’t see it.  I didn’t think she was ugly, I just felt like I was looking at her through the wrong side of binoculars or something.

We finally went home and I still was feeling disconnected and frustrated every time she nursed.  I turned the TV on to distract myself and help me get through a session.  2 weeks in my nipples were hurting so bad and then we got thrush.  I decided to just pump so that we could get rid of it.  I was soooo relieved to be pumping even though exclusively pumping is a pain in the ass!  The stress and worry of pumping was such a relief after the frustration, discomfort and emotional problems while nursing.  I was able to exclusively pump for about 2 weeks then I had to start supplementing a couple of times a day and more and more until I couldn’t even pump an ounce.  I was so relieved.  She was around 12 weeks old and I was diagnosed with post partum depression.  It explained so much.  I’ve struggled with depression on and off since I was a teenager, but I have never gone to such a low, dark place like I did in the weeks after having my daughter.  The way it made me feel towards my children, especially my daughter, it was just a whole new level of terrible.  The guilt I felt was so heavy.  The guilt for not breastfeeding.  The guilt for being RELIEVED to not be breastfeeding.  The guilt every time I made her a bottle.  I was in such a deep, dark depression, I wanted to die, I thought about it all the time.  I went as far as to write letters.  When I got to that point I called my counselor I had when I was pregnant with my son.  I went to see her, she sent me right to a therapist who prescribed me medicine and was thisclose to sending me to the hospital, but my dad came up and talked to her and we all made an agreement he would watch me closely.  I still wanted to die, but I knew that there was a reason, and I could get better with the medication and therapy.  Once I got on the Zoloft it was maybe 2 days and I was HAPPY…too happy.  So I talked to my therapist about it and she said that if you are bipolar Zoloft will make you “too happy” or hypo manic, which isn’t as intense as full blown mania but it can lead to it.  So along with PPD I have the lovely diagnosis of bipolar disorder.  I had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was about 21, and I did not agree with the doctor for a number of reasons. But I’m on mood stabilizers now, and they are really helping.  I’m still struggling but nothing like I was in the weeks after I had my daughter.

I have a wonderful relationship with her, and I think she is the cutest baby girl in the entire universe, I want to hold her, kiss her, blow farts on her tummy and just spend time with her..  I look at pictures of her when she was first born and feel sad that I missed out on so much because I was in such a bad place.  I never wanted to hold her, my mom held her almost all the time, and when I started pumping she fed her a lot too.  I’m grateful where I am today and how happy I am with my babies.

As for not breastfeeding her.  I still have some guilt.  I know formula isn’t what is BEST for her, but it is what was best for US.  It was so difficult emotionally to have her at the breast, I just couldn’t do it.  But the relief and the bond I have felt while bottle feeding her is so great.

Here we are at 8 months, bottle feeding is an expensive pain, cleaning bottles suck, but I have a fat, happy and healthy daughter, and my kids have a mother on her way to being happy and healthy.  And that is what is most important for my little family.