Practicing the Positive Discipline Tool "Compliments"

I just read this awesome post from Jane Nelson's Positive Discipline blog, and it has inspired me to focus this week on complimenting people in my life.

I can be kind of a critical person. It's something I'm working very hard to change. I am learning to keep my temper in check and to say the negative things that need to be said in a kind way. But that's only one side of the problem. I want to work on focusing on the positive things about the people around me, not just on dealing with the negative things more calmly and rationally.

So, this week, I am going to compliment the people around me. I am going to tell Livy and Aaron the good things I love about them. I am going to point out to my students when they do well. I am going to say the nice things I think in my head about strangers out loud to them.

How is this different from praise? Its aim is not a change in someone's behavior; its aim is justice. If I told Aaron how helpful he was after doing the dishes in order to manipulate him into doing them more often, that would be praise. And, in my opinion, it would be kind of sneaky and unhealthy. But if I tell him how much I appreciate his help around the house because I do appreciate it and want him to feel appreciated, that's a compliment.

So, to start myself off, here are a few compliments I should hand out:

1. Aaron, you are so supportive of my goals. Even when you are not loving what you are doing, you support and cheer me on when I am loving what I am doing. I think that's a sign of real love.

2. Livy, you are getting so good at apologizing when you hurt my feelings. It's so mature, and I really love how it feels when we interact more as equals. It makes me think of how great it will be to hang out with you when you are all grown up.

3. Jenn, you are an amazing listener. You always remember what I have been up to and ask about it and then really listen to my answers. It makes me feel very important to you.

4. Brendan, I was super impressed with you calm and productiveness through all of last week's stress with the house.

5. Miranda, I love hanging out and talking with you so much. You are a really fun conversationalist, and I'm glad that we got to know each other and didn't let any age difference or anything like that stop us from being friends.

6. Anonymous student (whom I won't name here), your responsibility in working, going to school, and taking care of your mom blows me away.

7. Anonymous student (whom I won't name here),  I appreciate your diligence in my class. It's clear to me already that you are willing to do whatever it takes to work on your writing.

I'm going to be sure to say these kinds of things to the people around me, not only so that they can hear the truth, but so that I can practice focusing every day on the wonderful things about the people around me.