To Whom It May Concern:
The principal members of the Atlanta Objectivist Society (ATLOS) would like you to be aware that we do not advocate the eating of babies, even deliciously adorable ones with smooth skin and squeezable cheeks and beautiful smiles.
We would also like to make it plain that we do not automatically sanction every utterance someone makes at any of our events. We expect those who hear something they do not like or disagree with to seek out the individual in question and gather more information as necessary and sufficient to support making an independent decision about that individual's claims or character. We especially expect people to do that because we pride ourselves on our crazy senses of humor and are as likely as not to make outrageous and inappropriate jokes on a regular basis.
Sincerely,
The Management
I would like to echo her sentiment that baby eating is definitely not something we advocate. We also do not advocate the following:
- selling children to the gypsies
- beating people to death with jars of peanut butter
- going to hell
- strangling your loved ones with pet anacondas
- pinching people's heads off
- keeping lions in closets in order to have people who contradict you eaten up
However, these are all things that I have said, right out loud. Since I must publicly disavow all crazy things that people may flippantly say, I thought I better tell you all that I do not actually advocate any of the above. In fact, I think that people who actually do them should either go to jail or return to the myths they came out of (yes, I'm talking to you, Orpheus!).
For future reference, if I say anything really outlandish involving cartoon-like violence, especially if I do this funny guttural utterance from my diaphragm while saying them (known as a laugh to those of us who have a sense of humor - you can google it) or if I say them with a flourish and then leave the room in a huff, you can say in your head, "Wow, I think that's this thing I heard of called sarcasm or hyperbole or a joke. It's so cool to see an example in real life. I am going to notice them every time they happen, and one day, with much study, I will have a sense of humor like a real, grown-up boy!"
Here is what I do advocate: Get a fucking life, people. And fast, before your seriousness, like natron on a mummy, sucks all the life juices out of you and dries you out like a humor-less, fun-less, wrinkled-up old prune.
