Lately, I have been a worry wort. I try to control it, but that's the thing about worrying - it's not really in my control. Mostly, I am a super chill mom to my life-learning daughter, but sometimes, I just snap and lose my mind. I always lose it in my own head and not out loud, so I don't think Livy is really aware of it. But it makes me miserable.
This latest worry fest is about reading, one of my worry triggers, as you can see here. Livy (at age 7) has finally learned to read kind of (three letter words and such), but she shows pretty much zero interest in getting any better at it. I know that she is only 7 and that she would be starting the second half of her first grade year right now. I know that she reads at a level that is common for first graders.
But I am also me. I am the person who learned to read early enough to not remember it. I am the person who read adult novels in elementary school. I am the person whose entire life revolves, and has always revolved, around books and the act of reading.
But Livy is not me. She may love to read one day, or she may not. Right now, she doesn't really have any reason to improve her reading. What does a 7 year old really NEED to read? Basically, I should to chill out. She has plenty of time to improve her reading, and like everything she has ever done, I feel sure she will improve it suddenly when it seems worthwhile to her. She's one of those people who does nothing without a DARN GOOD REASON.
Why is it so hard for me to relax? I'm sure it is partly my own academic leanings, but I also think that as she gets older, I feel a lot more external pressure about reading. Will people treat her badly at chess class? Will my family worry about her future? Well, screw them. Not really, I mean, I like the people at chess class and I love my family, but their worries or opinions have never guided my interactions with Livy. I shouldn't let them now. I wouldn't force her into trendy clothes to avoid teasing, so I won't force her into reading. I wouldn't punish her to please my family, so I won't force her into reading for them either.
I also need to remember that SHE WILL LEARN TO READ. Why would she not? She isn't a masochist; she'll be able to see how valuable and useful it is and want that value for her life. She isn't cognitively challenged; she'll learn it fast enough when she wants to. She isn't growing up in a house without books and text; she'll learn from us that reading is a part of adult life. I need to be strong in my convictions and not let irrational worries inside me or irrational worries from others make me shaky.
So today, when Livy has spent another 3 hours (in addition to the 3 or 4 last night) making balloon animals, I am going to take a deep breath and enjoy that process. She is engaged in learning something in which she finds value, and that has to be good enough for me. Maybe this will be the interest that drives her into the library, but if not, it's value is not diminshed.
For a post that helped to snap me out of my worrying streak and reevaluate, look at Elisheva's post about her teenage son's educational and career choices. It helped me to remember that Livy does not have to do what I do to be happy and virtuous.
1/13/11
