Mutually Beneficial

So the last two months of my life as an overnight parent have been a whirlwind. Chicklett had been a fantastic sleeper, only waking 2-3 times a night for a quick boob and being in bed for about 12 hours. Right after her first birthday she started to have nightmares and waking periods of up to FIVE HOURS in the middle of the night. Every night. It was painful for me... super happy fun times for her. From what I've heard, the nightmares/night terrors are pretty normal for stage development at that age. My son did it for about a week and then never again.

Chicklett brought it a whole new aspect by waking up perky and excited. She would sleep from around 8pm-10pm, then be wide awake from 10ish to midnight, take a 5-10 minute nap, and then wake up ready to party for another couple hours. Anyone who follows us on Facebook was probably tired of my "midnight party" posts of insanity. I know I was!

She had these five hour parties atleast five days a week for six weeks. Then I hit my breaking point.... I would start to think "Is it possible to get postpartum depression 13 months later??" Crying at her to JUST GO TO SLEEP. Something had to give. And as much as I enjoy my little snuggle bug at night... ending co-sleeping seemed to be the most obvious solution. She is a pretty light sleeper and it occurred to me that I might be snoring at night and that possibly *I* was actually the one waking her up. One way to find out... I brought in my back up help. It is hard for me to ask for help, because being mom is my job 24/7... and especially with overnights I feel it's my job since my husband has to be functional for work in the morning. But this was getting unhealthy for me, and the idea that perhaps co-sleeping was no longer mutually beneficial was ringing in my ear. Gotta trust your instincts.

I have the best husband EVER! After many talks about the importance of not letting baby cry out I dropped my guard and let him be in charge. I moved into the guest bedroom and my husband completely took over night wakings. Sometimes he slept in bed with her, and sometimes he slept out in the livingroom and listened on the monitor. But he would only bring her to my boob every three hours. He's been doing this for about a month now, even on work days. The night of December 23rd a miracle happened... she only woke up once the whole night! We called it an X-mas miracle. Ha! Then for the next week she was back to 2-3 boobs a night... but now the last three nights she's only woken once.

I'm not sure what 2012 is going to bring for our sleeping arrangements, but we sure did end the year on a happy note.

Don't tell me bed sharing isn't safe

I am fed up. I'm fed up with all the people out there who say that if you sleep with your baby, your baby will die. I'm tired of the doctors and the nurses who are uneducated and lazy. I want to punch the city of Milwaukee in their heads. I'm just sick of it. Sometimes I get so freaking tired of arguing with people who are SO sure that they're right I could just cry. It's like they won't even STOP and consider for ONE MINUTE that perhaps we might be onto something. I had a debate with a nurse today (on another FB group I run) about bed sharing and if it was safe. She requested that I give her proof that bedsharing was safe...so I did. And what does she say to me? "The AAP recommends you don't do it." I gave her scientific, researched, reputable sources...multiple sources...and she didn't even read them. She was so stuck in her own head and so convinced that she was right that she didn't even bother. Seriously? People like that just make my brain explode. I am not saying that ALL parents everywhere should bed share. I am FULLY aware that bed sharing is not the safest thing for everyone. HOWEVER. When bed sharing is done CORRECTLY and SAFELY...it is, without a doubt, the safest, healthiest and best way for a baby to sleep. Can we consider the place with the LOWEST SIDS rates? Japan. Do you know how they sleep? On futon mattresses on the floor...WITH their babies. Hmmm...what does that tell us? 


What else points to bed sharing being safe? The fact that almost *all* SIDS deaths occur IN cribs. Yes, almost all of them. 


Oh, and don't forget the fact that virtually all studies that have been done regarding the supposed "dangers" of bed sharing, the parents were not bed sharing safely and correctly. Anything is dangerous if you don't do it safely. Can we talk about being in the car? Yes, let's. 


So, how many babies die a year in car accidents? Google to the rescue.Well. Would you LOOK AT THAT. According to Sutter Health, it is the LEADING cause of death and brain injuries in babies. 


OH. MY. GOD. CARS AREN'T SAFE. STOP DRIVING THEM! NEVER GO IN THE CAR! CARSEATS MUST ALL BE UNSAFE AND WE CAN NEVER LEAVE OUR HOUSE AGAIN. 


Hmmm...was that extreme? Perhaps. Let's take a closer look at these deaths. Safe Mororists says that *at least* half of carseats are installed INCORRECTLY. Hmmmm...that might have something to do with deaths, do you think? I live in a cold climate. Brr...seriously it's like 20 degrees right now. If I went somewhere, I'd need a coat. So would my kids. SO, should I bundle them up in nice big, warm, down coats and toss them in their carseats like I see so many other people do? That might be another reason for these deaths. How many deaths by car accident could be prevented if every. single. carseat were installed correctly? If every single carseat was used properly?! Not all of them, for sure. I'm not sitting here saying that all car accident deaths are preventable. There are those deaths that occur when baby is installed completely correctly, so please understand that's not what I'm saying here. (And PS. regardless of the reason, every death is heart breaking and my heart aches for anyone seriously affected by a car accident.) 

Saying that bed sharing is unsafe is the exact same thing as saying that carseats and being in cars is unsafe for infants. If you do things correctly and safely, it's safe and healthy. If you don't, it's not. It's not like it's this HUGE amount of effort to put your mattress against the wall and on the floor. Nor is it a huge amount of effort to keep the comforter away from your baby. It's absolutely ridiculous to say that bed sharing isn't safe because you shouldn't have to go through all these extra efforts. Parenting is all about doing things differently for the sake of our baby's. Bed sharing, when done safely, is the best, safest and healthiest thing for a baby and study after study supports that. The ONLY times that babies have been harmed while bed sharing is, again, when it's done incorrectly.

So, there's my rant. It's a massive pet peeve of mine.

PS. Please go let the city of Milwaukee know what you think about these DISGUSTING ads:

PPS: Dr. Sears reasons why bed sharing is beneficial: 

1. Babies Sleep Better

2. Mamas sleep better

3. Breastfeeding is easier

4. It's contemporary parenting

5. Babies thrive better

6. Parents and infants become more connected

7. Reduces the risk of SIDS

Christa's reason why bed sharing is beneficial: 

It's how we're programmed. 

It feels right and normal. 

There is nothing sweeter and more lovely when snuggling your sweet baby. 

Getting up to go to the nursery sucks. 

We're aware of our babies.

...and on and on and on

PPSS (I don't even know what it is at this point):

An esteemed peer and friend from BabyLove MN also pointed this out:

In high income classes, most co sleeping deaths happened on a couch or in that fancy glider rocker...after they are told "no bed sharing".