In an aside, she writes:
"Jenn Casey and Kelly Elmore have a good podcast on temperament which you can listen to here. While I agree somewhat with their, and Positive Discipline’s, position on temperament, I do have differences. Jenn and Kelly mention persistence as a temperamental trait, meaning that some children are just born more persistent than others. I believe that some tendency towards persistence may be temperamental, but I don’t believe that it is a neutral character trait. It is a virtue, and like other virtues, it may come more easily to some than others, but either way, it must be something parents actively work to foster in their children.)"
First, thanks for the mention of our podcast! The one on temperament is one of our favorites. What she said got me thinking about persistence. If fact, instead of a nap with Livy, I ended up pondering. (Thanks a lot, Amy!) Here's what I came up with.
I disagree that persistence is a virtue. A virtue is an action that is always positive; virtues are universally applicable. For instance, there is never a time when being unjust will lead to good results. There is never a time to be irrational. Dishonesty can never produce a long term good.
Persistence, however, only leads to a good outcome when we apply it to certain tasks. While we should be rational in every situation, we should not always persist. If, for instance, I was in a job I disliked very much and I could afford to leave, it would be irrational to persist in that work. If I realize that I am too tired to complete a quality essay, it is not in my best interest to persist in writing it.
However, in a situation where the circumstance call for it, persistence is necessary to achieve long term values. If I encounter a tough spot in an essay, I should persist. If my job is difficult for a week or two but very meaningful to me, I should use my persistence to make it through the tough time.
I do think that some people have a natural tendency to persistence; I observe this is the kids I teach at the gym (some will do 500 cartwheels if that's what it takes to perfect it), Livy and Jenn's kids (Morgan seems to have a harder time letting go of a frustrating project than the others), and in myself and the other adults around me (I have to watch myself to make sure I am not quitting when the going gets tough, whereas Aaron has to make sure he does quit when something becomes futile.)
Like other temperamental traits, I think that each child has something to learn to manage their level of persistence. If a child is particularly persistent, she might have to learn how to take a break, how to tell the right kin of circumstances to apply persistence rationally, or how to switch gears when it's necessary because of outside influences. This child will probably overcome adversity and work hard to achieve values but might face problems with being a workaholic or not know how to budget their time to maintain more than one value at once.
If a child is not particularly persistent, she may need to learn how to push through discomfort to get to the accomplishment on the other side. But there is a bright side to this lower level of persistence too. She might be the kind of person who explores many different values and tastes a lot of the things life has to offer, and she will probably find it easy to leave bad situations. But she might need work on exploring one or two values very deeply, and she may need to learn not to jump ship too early.
Anyway, I think Amy is right that it is a parent's job to help children learn to navigate their temperaments. I hope that I give my persistent child the help she needs to let go and to apply her persistence rationally. And learning this stuff is a lifetime project. I am still learning the opposite: how to keep plugging away at something even when it's hard.
