Visit with the Grandparents

So, last month I blogged about how I was nervous about my grandparents staying with me for 10 days over Thanksgiving because I knew this year I wouldn't be able to hide nursing a 3 year old. He's super obvious about when he wants his booby drink. I avoid awkward surprise situation I wanted to give them a heads up in advance, and that ended up happening through my dad talking to them about it. I have no idea what their initial reaction was, but the visit went beautifully and there weren't negative moments as far as I could tell. 


I believe it was their first or second morning here that they were in the diningroom with Chicken Little while I was in the kitchen. They must have been looking at a cow of some kind and I heard something like "Well, that's not the only source where he gets milk." Ears immediately perk up and I felt a little nervous. At this point I had no idea if my dad had even remembered to talk to them, and now I knew he had. 


Most of my son's nursings happen before/after sleep cycles, but I did nurse him a few times in front of them if he asked for a bonus boob. Everyone seemed comfortable with it. Whew! 


I got to learn a bit about my grandmothers breastfeeding experience, which was wonderful (perhaps I'll ask her to do a guest blog spot!). She had two boys and breastfed both of them. My dad is the oldest, and in Illinois 1955 they kept the baby in the nursery and only brought them to the mothers on a schedule. But they fed the babies bottles of formula in the nursery if they were crying. She remembered being so frustrated that by the time they brought him to her he wasn't hungry anymore and wouldn't nurse. When she asked why they didn't bring the baby to her when he cried the nurses reply was that it wasn't TIME to bring the baby. Oh my.... Grrrr!!! She said she was the only one of her friends to breastfeed and she didn't even realize it wasn't a thing to do because everyone in her family had always breastfed. 


My 14 month old daughter Chicklett stole big brothers sippy at one point and I jokingly scolding her telling her to give it back to him. My grandma had a great one liner come back saying, "Now, to be fair she shares her sippy's with him!" Ha ha ha! Good one grandma. 


All in all a pleasant coming-out-of-the-toddler-nursing-closet experience. 

Coming Out of the Tandem Nursing/Toddler Nursing Closet

So, last year my grandparents came into town over Thanksgiving to meet their new great granddaughter Chicklett. They knew I had breastfed big brother Chicken Little, but as far as I knew they assumed I was no longer nursing him at that point. They stayed in our home for 10 days and I basically hid the fact that I was still nursing this 2-year old boy. I hid, not out of shame, but simple because I didn't feel like having to explain myself to family from that generation. It'd be one thing if they weren't staying in my house... but since they were... I really didn't want to make anything awkward between us for their stay. I only get to see them once a year and I'd like the visit to be pleasant. They are pretty liberal folks... but I know nursing a toddler could be over the limit. Or they could be fine with it... I really have no idea. For all I know she breastfed my dad until he was eight years old... I really have no idea! 


So... here we are... three weeks away from them coming for another long visit. Now I'm nursing a 3-year old boy and a 1-year old girl. Chicken Little is a lot more obvious about his nursing requests by voicing "Boobies please!" loudly and proudly. I know I was skirting around the issue last year and I'm sure the few times that my son mentioned boobie time confused them. So, enough is enough... I should probably just come clean. I think I'd like to do it in email form with some links to resources... but which ones? What are some of the best, clear, concise, informative online resources for information on extended/full term nursing and tandem nursing? Help me form this out because I'm a big wuss about it since I don't like confrontation or debating. 


Here's what I have so far....


We're very exciting to have you staying at our home again this year! I wanted to get something off my mind before you arrived just so you aren't surprised by it. We are practicing what is known as "child led weaning" in this house, which means that the children can breastfeed until they are ready to stop. It is a pretty normal occurrence in my bubble of a community. I know things were much different back when you were having babies, and the fact that you breastfed at all might have been taboo depending on who you were around. 


I know my mom breastfed me until 11 months and that my husband was breastfed until he was almost 3 years old. Long term nursing is just kind of normal for us, and the boy is much more vocal about it this year than he was last year... so I figured I'd better explain the situation before you got here just to give you some good information to digest. 


So, yes, I am breastfeeding both a 1 year old and a 3 year old at the same time. I will never run out of milk as the body works on a supply and demand situation so the kids combined tell my body how much milk to make. 


American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that "Breastfeeding should be continued for at least the first year of life and beyond for as long as mutually desired by mother and child... Increased duration of breastfeeding confers significant health and developmental benefits for the child and the mother... There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer."


This is a great article that outlines the natural age for humans to self wean as biologically compared to other primate species; http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detwean.html


[here's where I need y'all help the most!! Help me fill in the gaps... and I don't want this to be too long winded... no need to overload them... just a highlight of the biggest and most important things] 

THAT Generation...

So, when I'm in my own home I don't have a problem nursing my two year old son and my almost six month old baby. But then there are the times when grandma is around. Any of them... and it makes me hide in a back room or redirect Chicken Little to play with something else.

Our grandmas gave birth at a time when "Twilight Births" were all the rave... they would wake up with ace bandages binding their breasts and would get to meet their baby's when they were a few days old. Hardly a choice about it... it was just the way things were done.

One of my grandmothers breastfed and the other did not. For the in-law side, I know one attempted breastfeeding and "just didn't have enough milk" and I'm not sure about the other one. My mother breastfed me to 11 months, and then when I was unable to latch during a cold and went on a nursing strike she considered me weaned. Roosters mom breastfed him to around two and a half, and even tandem nursed for awhile, but kicked him off of the boob because she felt like there wasn't enough for the baby. So, my husband and I come from a mix of breastfeeding and formula feeding backgrounds for extended family - but we were both breastfed.

I remember when Chicken Little was about 6 months old my grandma who did not breastfeed started making comments about not understanding what I would do if I wasn't a stay at home mom and that she thought I should be done by now. I tried to explain pumping, and she just thought it all seemed like a lot of work over something that just could be bought at the store. I wasn't about to argue with a woman who had nine children about how formula from the store is not equal to breastmilk.

My nursing of Chicken Little had pretty much been under the radar for family after probably 15 months old. No major holidays to showcase my behavior... he only asked for it before naps/morning time... not too many folks probably knew I was nursing him still. Then along came baby Chicklett and a flurry of visitors. The biggest visitors being my grandparents staying with us for 10 days. Living in my house. Being around us 24 hours a day. This was the grandma that did breastfeed... but I think it was under a year for any of her children. I wasn't sure how to broach the subject... and pretty much made a deal with myself to hide in bedrooms and keep it out of sight. Worked pretty well, until my son started to get more vocal about asking for "Boobies" and my husband didn't understand my subtle ways and would inform me that "Your son needs some boobs in the bedroom" right in front of everyone. ::face palm:: I don't know that they understood what was going on... and I never clarified. I just didn't want to explain myself. And I shouldn't have to. This is just what we are doing in our family. It would have been much easier to come clean to this BF grandma than to my FF grandma.

FF Grandma has been gone out of town since November and is returning next week. They live about an hour away and it's always a goal to go and visit once a month minimum. I often worry about the reaction from someone who frowned upon me nursing at 6 months if she saw me nursing at 31-35 months as the summer timing goes. Do I continue to hide it? Do I come clean before the issue comes up with some informative literature? It is such a tender subject because that generation was told formula was better than breastmilk, and worse yet they were barely given an option to even try to breastfeed. I don't want anyone in that situation to feel like they did anything wrong. Yet I don't want anyone to think I am doing something wrong. Mrgh!

BF Grandma will be returning for another visit in June and this will start all over again. What should I do? Come clean? Keep my subtle ways as much as I can? Advise please!