"I'd like to hear more about what kinds of adult-centered activities you think children are capable of participating in at different ages. We have no problem taking 3-year-old Bobby (names changed to protect the toddlers) to restaurants, but when it comes to entertainment on the weekends we always seem to be doing child-focused things: the zoo, the botanical gardens, and the children's museum over and over and over again. Things that I really want to do for entertainment are totally not kid-friendly, like going to the theater or symphony. We've tried taking him to museums, but he only wants to run through the big rooms (which is disruptive to other patrons) and won't cooperate when we try to stop and look at the art/displays/whatever. Specific suggestions would be really helpful."
Here's what I said:
"Hey! This is a good question, and we might answer it on the podcast, but I thought I'd give you a few quick suggestions on email in case you might be kind of desperate. I know that desperate need to do something intellectually stimulating when you have a 3 year old. :)
First, he's really little, and it will get easier. It won't be long before he'll be able to do museums. Three is nearly the hardest because they aren't big enough to behave appropriately in fancy places, but they are big enough to cause trouble.
My first thought is that the zoo and the botanical gardens don't have to be child centered. They are certainly child friendly, but do you not find them interesting? I certainly do. Are you getting sucked right into the children's garden? Maybe you could try increasing the time you walk through things that are interesting to you before you move to the children's garden.
Other suggestions: Find portable things that you and your husband want to do together and then find ways to do them at a fenced-in playground. You could play trivial pursuit while Bobby plays. You could just have conversation, which can be hard when you have a three year old.
Bobby may not be able to do the symphony or the theater, which require a serious level of quiet, but I bet he could do outdoor concerts.
To get together with friends, you could meet at a restaurant (more like a pub atmosphere works great for me) and play games. You could offer to have get togethers at your house so that Bobby will have his regular environment, put on movies and stuff for him, and then participate with your guests. It might be hard at first if he isn't used to having your full attention, but I think he could learn.
As for you and your husband, are you watching movies you like at home? Recordings of theater and symphonies? Bobby can be there, and you can teach him to be with you relatively quietly or play on his own. Livy still does this. If Aaron and I are watching something she doesn't like, she'll come in with us and cuddle for a while, then go out and play in her room, then back in to cuddle. She learned that when she was really little, and she wasn't as good at not interrupting back then, but she was practicing.
Does any of this help? I was just brainstorming really, but if I knew what are your favorite hobbies and entertainments, I might be able to help you come up with some ways to enjoy those things.
Also, get a sitter fairly often. I love to sit at coffee shops and read for hours, and that is never going to be Livy friendly. So I get someone to stay home with her while I do it.
I'd encourage you to think of this not as figuring out what kinds of adult centered activities children are capable of participating in at different ages and more like a way to get both of your needs met. You think of things you really want to do, you think of what Bobby can handle now, can learn to handle, can't possibly be expected to handle, you find a way to get your thing without making him miserable. Take the symphony. He can't be expected to handle that, so you get a sitter. But if what you really want to do is hear some music, an outdoor concert might be doable. It might fall in the category of something he could do now (a concert at a park with playground equipment and room to run) or it might fall into the category of things he could learn to do (a concert of a famous band at an outdoor venue where he could move around and play with toys, but would have to stay right by you.) Anyway, I think it will be more productive to think of the things you really would like (getting together with friends, time to have conversation with your husband, interesting things to look at, etc) and then find a way to make that happen in a way Bobby can do or can be expected to learn to do."
Hope this Q&A is fruitful for you guys too!
I'd encourage you to think of this not as figuring out what kinds of adult centered activities children are capable of participating in at different ages and more like a way to get both of your needs met. You think of things you really want to do, you think of what Bobby can handle now, can learn to handle, can't possibly be expected to handle, you find a way to get your thing without making him miserable. Take the symphony. He can't be expected to handle that, so you get a sitter. But if what you really want to do is hear some music, an outdoor concert might be doable. It might fall in the category of something he could do now (a concert at a park with playground equipment and room to run) or it might fall into the category of things he could learn to do (a concert of a famous band at an outdoor venue where he could move around and play with toys, but would have to stay right by you.) Anyway, I think it will be more productive to think of the things you really would like (getting together with friends, time to have conversation with your husband, interesting things to look at, etc) and then find a way to make that happen in a way Bobby can do or can be expected to learn to do."
Hope this Q&A is fruitful for you guys too!
