Inspired by Jenn's post, I am going to make a list of the seven things I won't feel guilty about as a mom. Notice I don't say "things I don't feel guilty about;" occasionally, I do feel unreasonably guilty about these things, but I set the guilt aside as soon as I can.
1. I'm divorced from Livy's dad.
This is not ideal from Livy's perspective, always shifting back and forth between houses and not having both parents with her all the time. However, I am 20,000,000 times happier now than when I was married to her dad, and I don't regret getting divorced for a second. My selfish need to give and receive real romantic love must come first in my own decision making.
2. I didn't cosleep with Livy.
I know it's best for baby, but I hated it. Suck it up, baby. :)
3. I work and go to school instead of devoting 100% of my work time to homeschooling.
Sometimes I think of the Norman Rockwell painting (that exists only in my head) of happy, hippie homeschoolers. The children play in a field of wildflowers, while their gentle, intelligent mother walks serenely behind them, engrossed in watching their exploration of the world. One child picks flowers (of which she knows the botanical names, of course), and the other points to birds and insects and collects nature samples to take home for her collection. Mom has no other delight to match the sight of her babies learning and exploring.
So, that's not what our life is like at all. I go to work; I go to school; I am engrossed by my own homework. I find Quintilian's ideas about the education of an orator more delightful than the conversation of a child, even my own. Most of the things kids do are only interesting to other kids, so I find Livy lots of playmates to share her interests with. We spend tons of time together, but we have never yet frolicked in a glade wearing white eyelet dresses. Mostly we watch TV that many parents would think inappropriate for a 7 year old, do chores together, and listen to Harry Potter.
I love my adult life, and though I am very dedicated to keeping Livy home with me and providing her with enriching experiences, I don't do it 24/7 or in a meadow.
4. I let Livy free-range.
Not only do I not feel guilty about this, I feel extremely proud. My child can cook herself breakfast, take care of the household chores, and at the park, play with other kids on the playground while I walk loops around the park's perimeter. She is not watched like a baby because she isn't one. She is incredibly capable, not because she is an exceptional child, but because she is given an exceptional amount of freedom and responsibility.
5. My seven year old falls asleep nearly every night in my bed.
We both love it, and I hope she does it when she's 14. The sacred and inviolate rituals of bedtime and separate sleeping space make me want to hurl.
6. I talk frankly with my child about atheism, Santa, and sex.
God's not real, Santa's not real, and here's what a condom's for. Just be happy because, if you are the kind of parent who will leave your kid to grope about in the dark about what is and is not real and about the risks and joys of sex, your kid can learn from mine instead of from the kids who don't know any better than they do. I may be preventing your child's teen pregnancy. I should get a medal.
7. Yesterday, my child ate cookies and ice cream for dinner at her sleepover.
Overall, she eats meat and stock, veggies and fruit, high-fat dairy and other mostly paleo goodies. But life sometimes requires cookies and ice-cream, and I am glad she can revel in some "sinful" pleasures now and then. We are not a family of 100%ers.
What do you not feel guilty about?
