Book Recommendation: The Hunger Games

The young adult librarians from Dragon Con are my heroes. Every year, I write down their recommendations, and every year, the books are golden. This year, they recommended The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. I am sorry that I didn't read it in September; if I had, I could have had Katniss and Haymitch etched into my head for 3 extra months.

The book takes place in a dystopic setting; a totalitarian government rules over a prosperous capital city and 12 miserably poor and oppressed districts. Katniss, the heroine of the story, is a girl who supports her mother and sister with her illegal hunting and gathering. Every year, 2 teens from each district are chosen to fight in gladiator style games for the entertainment of the capital city. The book follows Katniss to the games.

I am not usually a fan of dystopic novels, but I liked this one a lot. The darkness is balanced by the wonderful and heroic characters in the novel. Unlike some young adult novels, the characters are well-drawn and powerful, and though there is teen romance, it isn't the center of the story.

Katniss herself is a survivor, a tough kid who can do what needs to be done, but we can love her because she is compassionate and her hard life has not destroyed her sweetness or her desire to do the right thing. Her trainer, Haymitch, is a wonderful character as well - not so lovable and innocent as Katniss, but rich and a little mysterious.

The plot of the story is engaging, and there are twists and turns throughout the novel. I couldn't figure out how on earth the author was going to resolve the story in a way that might satisfy me, but she did (and in a believable and powerful way). The book is the first in a series, but the novel comes to a satisfying conclusion. I don't like books that leave you hanging completely. This one leaves some larger issues about the society and the characters open but closes up the specific plot of the Hunger Games themselves.

The second my last paper is turned in this week, I am going to get the other books in the series. The Hunger Games will definitely go on my constant reread shelf.

Forays into painting orks

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Reader Contest

Already we are a little surprised by the number of people who are subscribed to our blog. 40 people is a lot for just a random blog, not to mention a lot of people who are not Followers but who read our blog regularly anyway. Thanks to all of you for stopping in and sharing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences with us and other readers. We've decided to start doing contests for giveaways to our readers. Our first contest starts this week!

The Challenge:
The Good Letdown needs a logo! Letters, words, images, or all of the above...if you're handy with graphic design, show us your stuff and submit a logo (no more than two submissions per reader please) by Friday, December 3rd at 11:59pm. You can e mail your image to birthwellsupport@gmail.com, please include a little blurb about yourself so when we post the finalists, if you're one of them, we can tell the other readers about you! Short and sweet please!

The Decision:
We will review all the submissions over the weekend and pick 3 finalists. Those finalists will have their logo and their short, sweet blurb posted on the blog on Monday, December 6th. Readers will be asked to vote for their favorite logo by Wednesday, December 8th at 11:59pm. The logo with the most votes wins!

The Prize:
The winner can select one of two available prizes. The first will be a custom nursing pillow cover made to fit the ever-popular Boppy with a matching burp cloth. The second choice is a hand made nursing necklace! The winner will need to provide their mailing address so we can ship the prize!

We hope you want to participate, and feel free to share our blog with others so that they can participate as well!

Things I'm Thankful for Today

1. Having someone incredibly loving who will wake up in the night and comfort me after I've had nightmares.

2. An online (and in person) homeschooling community that makes it so easy to homeschool. 20 years ago, I would have had to go it alone.

3. The Lord of the Rings. It makes my heart physically expand in my body when the characters do something noble. I'm so happy Tolkein wrote it.

4. My composition pedagogy class, taught by a professor I really respect.

5. Having a best friend with whom I have never run out of things to talk about. Not even once in more than 7 years.

6. 70s and 80s music played all night at a wedding, with only a song or two from other eras.

7. Dessicated thyroid and iodine.

8. My 7 year old, who watches Gilmore Girls with me and then falls asleep cuddled up beside me in my bed.

9. The chance, granted by Aaron, to go back to school and be home with Livy when she is with us. It's amazing to get to do the two things I most want at the same time.

10. The song "Dust in the Wind" by Kansas.

Events to Promote Breastfeeding

As a big advocate of breastfeeding and also as a person whom often thinks outside of the box... I like to think of creative ways to promote breastfeeding and normalize it. Something I did this past summer is host a "Boobs and Brunch" event at my home. We hired a professional photographer who gave us a fantastic group discount on individual mini-photo shoots capturing intimate breastfeeding moments. Here are the photos from that fun event; http://coopetphotography.blogspot.com/2010/07/boobies-brunch.html

This is something I certainly plan on hosting again, and this time I will step it up a notch with boob shaped brunch food, lactation cookies, and all kinds of other silliness.

Another fun idea is a nursing necklace making event. Gather together with girlfriends and shared supplies to make wonderful nursing necklaces that your nursling will abuse for months to come.

Maybe do a photo shoot and make a personalized calendar to showcase your breastfeeding achievement every month! Do the photo shoot with girlfriends and share photos, make collages, all kinds of fun things!

Have a "Milk, it's what's for dinner" party at a local restaurant. Meet other nursing mothers, bring the husbands, and enjoy a dinner party surrounded by like-minded people who will support you when the inevitable time comes that a nursling gets hungry.

Weekly or monthly meeting with other nursing mothers at a local coffee shop where you can chat and nurse in a supportive environment.

Not only are these types of events fun - they also help to build a breastfeeding community in your life and normalizing nursing in general.

What ideas do you have?

Guest Blog: Carmen's Story

Carmen talks about her struggles with being a teen mom and trying to breastfeed. Now she's married and expecting her second baby. She's way more confident with her ability to breastfeed this baby and is excited to have a positive breastfeeding relationship with her new baby boy! 


I would love to be a breast feeder! i have my hubby's support 100% so I'm excited. With my first, my dad had told me I couldn't go back to school until Jada was 6 months old because he wanted me to breast feed her that long. He was adopted at 4 days old, so he insisted that I give her 'the best". I would sit in their room ALL day and try to feed on demand, but for some reason, she NEVER got full. She latched ok, I just wasn't producing milk. It was heart breaking.. and it was hard because I was so young and missed my friends and missed being outside. I got very very depressed and Then school started and Jada was about 2 months old and My dad was making me go to alternative school so I could "breast feed" more.. I would come home crying.. the kids at the alternative school were ones that didn't care about their education, they didn't care what their grades were like, or if they would graduate, they went there so they could be in school less, and most of them were party-ers and druggies.. not me.. I had always wanted to be a nurse, my dream was to work in an OB. I wanted to graduate high in my class, I missed my friends... it was horrible..
Eventually my mom had talked him into letting me go back to school full time and just bottle feed Jada (with formula... at that time I had tried to pump, i even tried to pump before I went back to school, i'd pump for an hour and only get 2 oz. I felt like a failure)... 

Then with my second, I got pregnant right before breaking up with my long term boyfriend. we fought a lot, and it was during the second half of our senior year. When I graduated (about 4 months pregnant), I moved out and was trying to work full time and go back to college. I had pretty much made up my mind at that time that I was going to give the baby for adoption... I ended up dropping out of college because I was to stressed being on my own, a pregnant teen & mom.. In september of that year (7-8 months preggers) I met my (now) hubby. He was very supportive of everything, but was also 3 hours away from me... I had to quit working in October because I had unbearable round ligament pains... so my daughter and I moved down to live in a hotel close to the adopting family. eventually I was induced (a week early... for selfish reasons, like wanting to go back home, and starting to get depressed.) and she was born Oct. 24th 2008. I breast fed a little in the hospital, I was only in there for 1 night. and I told the nurses, if i'm asleep, just give her a bottle...

When I got back home, I went straight to my man and spent some time getting to know him and recovering for the delivery & adoption (which was surprisingly a lot easier then anyone would have guessed).. and during that time, it felt like my breasts had gotten very heavy.. i'm guessing my milk finally came in. and boy was it a lot. I didn't have a pump or the energy or emotion to even attempt to pump and donate (which now, I wish I would have done at least for the month that I was out of work).

Now with this last one, I have my hubby's support and encouragement. I hope my body is more developed and I'm hoping it's much easier to breastfeed. I don't think there's much for support groups up here for breastfeeding moms. I know there's not a LeLeche league up here, which would be SO nice to have... But it is nice to see all the support I have on facebook and through the blogs!

Rough Nights and Pacifiers

So I'm going to be really honest, in case you haven't noticed, I really hate my boobs. I hate them A LOT MORE at night. What a strange thing to say right? Except it does make sense...Chase gets super frantic at night about nursing, he's not good about latching, I have to fight his hands, and he's always tucking his chin down...so I can't have that nice, quiet, latch-on and nurse till we both fall asleep experience. I have to turn on some kind of light so I can see (cuz my nipple is not "perky" enough to just find it's way to his mouth), and usually either prop up on an arm or just sit up and nurse him. When we do manage to get PROPERLY and COMFORTABLY latched laying down...I still have to hold my breast away from his nose because of the shape of my breast and because of how he tucks his chin. I know we will grow out of this, he will figure it out. WE will figure it out. But in the mean time...


I had a really crappy night last night. Chase's tummy might have been bugging him, he seems happier today...but he woke up quite a bit last night. We're gearing up for his 3 week growth spurt so he's been nursing... A LOT. My husband is thoroughly annoyed and wants me to give him a pacifier so he'll sleep better. He's been pestering me for a couple of days. But some of you may remember I suspected that Aiden's early weening had at least partially to do with his love affair with his binkies. I'm REALLY struggling to stay away from the pacifiers this time. I'm hoping that by the time we hit about a month his sucking needs will have dropped, but in the mean time, there are situations where all I want is a binky...I almost bought one a few days ago. Not to mention pacifiers mess with the natural rhythm of newborns...all that sucking serves a purpose, after all. The baby has an intense need to suck because this is what stimulates milk production. A baby with a pacifier may not nurse as frequently as is necessary (of course all babies are different and it's not always a problem to have a pacifier...I'm just paranoid).


Last night in particular, because Chase was so crabby about...who knows what, he was also noisy and woke our older son up a couple times. I had to face my husband who doesn't have a good understanding of newborn behaviors, breastfeeding, nipple confusion, etc..."I wish you would just lighten up and give him a binky." Except that the problem last night was that he was genuinely nursing all those times...he really wanted to nurse...in addition to a suspected upset/gassy tummy. The pacifier was not going to solve either of these issues, but my husband knows EVERYTHING in the middle of the night <<eye-roll>>. So between our two boys last night, we just didn't get a lot of sleep...and this morning he STILL knew everything and needed to complain to my sister about my persistence on the pacifier issue. 


So let's talk pacifiers for breastfed babies...


So I've been planning to avoid bottles AND pacifiers in the first month. First of all, there are two critical growth spurts during this time (at three and six weeks) and giving baby a bottle or pacifier can decrease the frequency with which baby is at the breast, this can impact the milk supply. Second, a breastfeeding relationship is not TRULY established, strong, and secure until about 5 to 6 weeks. I advise clients to avoid pacifiers and artificial nipples until at least 3 to 4 weeks and to keep it minimal until after that second big growth spurt to ensure baby does not develop a preference for the artificial nipples, and that the milk supply does not suffer in these early critical weeks. 


Here's an excerpt from Kellymom.com about Pacifiers:

"It is recommended that pacifiers and other types of artificial nipples be avoided for at least the first 3-4 weeks. I'd personally suggest that most breastfed babies - if they get a pacifier at all - would be better off without a pacifier until mom's milk supply is well established (6-8 weeks, usually) and the 6 week growth spurt is over. That way you've established a good milk supply and don't lose any much-needed breast stimulation to a pacifier."


This page goes on to discuss why pacifiers should be used sparingly for breastfed babies. Did you know that pacifiers can increase instances of thrush? Pacifiers are also associated with nipple confusion which can not only impact milk supply, but cause sore nipples for breastfeeding mothers. In addition they are linked to increased ear infections. 


Specifically regarding "rough nights," it's important to understand the cycle of pro-lactin in the female body. Levels are at their lowest in mid-morning and mid day, but at night, pro-lactin levels are at their highest. Pro-lactin is the hormone that triggers milk production. So giving a baby a pacifier at night, especially in place of nursing, will impact milk supply. This is why when weaning most people begin eliminating their night nursings to avoid engorgement...it tells the body to make a little less milk if the baby is not at the breast at night! 


I don't think pacifiers are evil or anything, don't get me wrong. For sure they are handy tools. My mistake with Aiden was overuse and premature use of the pacifier. Aiden used it for sleep, used it in the car, used it when he was cranky...it was my super overused tool. Chase will likely eventually have a pacifier for using in the car...me jacking up my shoulder to reach behind my seat and into the car seat while I'm driving to let him suck a finger to settle down has got to stop. But it will be a couple more weeks yet and hopefully I can escape a rotator cuff injury during that time. 

10 Good Things from this Past Weekend

1. Objectivist weddings rock. I love how the ceremonies are all about the couple's values. And with my favorite traditional things, like gorgeous wedding dresses and lots of dancing!

2. Amy and Adam Mossoff are super fun. Who knew they were such good dancers? And that we would talk about sci-fi and fantasy books all through dinner? (One bad thing is that now I want them to live in Atlanta, and they don't!)

3. After a little more than two months without a cigarette, I had two puffs of one, and it nearly killed me. It was truly a horrible, not-fun experience. And that will make it easy not to smoke in the future.

4. I drank alcohol! How fun is that?!

5. I got all dressed up once and kinda dressed up once, and I looked super pretty and Whole30 skinny. (Another bad thing: I wore panty hose. That's how much I like you, Travis and Colleen.)

6. I read a poem at the wedding, and I didn't get the hiccups. Check out: EBB's Sonnet 21

7. Aaron (good, sweet Aaron) drove me to Taco Cabana after the post-reception drinking and bought me the most wonderful late night tacos in the world.

8. Jenn and Brendan, saints that they are, let Livy spend the night after the wedding, so I slept in a little and had a hot shower before anyone needed me to do anything for them.

9. At midnight, we all toasted Jenn's 40th birthday, which we are going to celebrate soon with a visit to the Shakespeare Tavern.

10. It's Thanksgiving break! I may have to work a lot on papers, but I don't have to go to class. So it's sort of a vacation!!

Judgement and the Nursing Mom

As a nursing mom, or especially a NON nursing mom, you may have noticed that sometimes...occasionally...every once in a while...some of those in the breastfeeding community can be a tad...ahem... judgmental. What? you say. No! Never! <<sarcasm>> You were unable to breastfeed and gave formula? You gave up on breastfeeding and gave formula? You CHOSE (gasp, sputter, choke) not to breastfeed and gave formula??? I'm not going to lie. I've judged people for using formula. Even though I had to use it with my first. Oh yes. If I see someone with a bottle you better believe I think, "Why isn't she breastfeeding?" I'll come right out and say it. I kick myself each time for saying it though because I had to exclusively bottle Olivia until she was 6 months old and even once she started breastfeeding, I worked full time and was a part time student.

Believe it or not, this post is not just about judging based on formula or breast milk. It's just judgement in general among moms for our decisions. Recently, I was judged harshly by some people I knew. I was told I was "unclassy" for posting up my breastfeeding pictures, I was told I wasn't protecting my children and that my pictures were a "pedophiles dream". I was angry. Very angry about the "not protecting my children" comment. But most of all, I was deeply hurt. I didn't want to admit that, but here I am, on our blog that we share with everyone admitting that when I was judged like that, I was deeply hurt. I'm not writing this blog post to lash out at those people, or to even talk in great lengths about that particular discussion on my facebook wall but to just talk about judgement and moms. We see it SO often, especially with breastfeeding and formula. Our choices on how we feed our children, when we feed them, if we choose to cover or not, what type of bottles we use..the formula we use...the  way in which we.....................


The list could go on and on. I judge. And I'm not saying I won't continue to do so because I'm human. But you know what? It effing HURTS and quite frankly, people need to GET OVER IT. If another mom chooses to do something you don't agree with, who cares? How is it your business to judge her? Now, I just want to clarify that I'm not talking about sharing information in a caring way. After all, that's what this blog is all about. This blog is about sharing our experiences, our feelings etc and trying to normalize and educate about breastfeeding in a positive, caring way. Absolutely, people should share their convictions with parenting (and whatever else). But to me, that's totally different then throwing stones and being cruel to people, calling them names, however it's gone about...it's just unnecessary.

Like I said, I see people and I judge them. I wish I didn't but there it is. And I'm not going to say that I'll never think to myself "what the crap?!!?" when I see a mother bottle feeding (or whatever else I judge on) but I'm making an effort to try and not be such a @#%$&. The way moms act towards each other these days is horrendous. We are regressing into middle school girls and what we need to be doing is support one another. So next time you feel word vomit bubbling in your throat and you want to puke your judgments all over another mama, why don't you sit there and think about how you'd feel if/when someone did that to you? I know I will!

Talk to me about judgments you've faced? Or how you've judged others in their parenting decisions?

More about orks

Despite my misgivings about taking up another project (army number 5 if you're counting), I've been making progress with the orks.  I have 2 bikers and about 20 boyz left to assemble, plus a sack of old metal burna boyz that don't figure into my current plans though they may get some love later.  Between transcribing interviews I took some hobby breaks and got all the barrels, both foot troops and vehicles, drilled out, as well as priming 10 shoota boyz.  Inching along, but progress is progress.

I had started collecting orks way back when with an eye towards a Kult of Speed army.  In this newer incarnation, I'm leaning towards a shootier army of Deathskulls.  Finishing one ork army is going to be enough of a task, not to mention expense, so how to compromise between the two?  My current idea is that I don't.  While that seems like a contradiction at first, here's what I have in mind: a Deathskulls tribe where the Warboss has sniffed the gas can one too many times and is now a Speed Freak. 

With this in mind I'm planning on having a Deathskulls backbone of big mobs of foot sloggers and big guns, then supporting that with a mobile Speed Freaks force.  I'm going to try and have red and blue on all the minis, with the Deathskull elements being predominantly blue with red accents and the Freaks the opposite.

Of course this whole project is a bit of an exercise at this point.  I have about 1200 points of orks right now, and while I will (potentially) have a load of boyz coming in from two Assault on Black Reach sets (@EV: Warstore is having a Black Friday sale, so let me know if you want in on some ordering action), I'm not really looking to bulk the army out in the ways that I'd like to, meaning more trukks, lootas, killa kans, and lots of nobz.  The trukks in particular are an issue as I have the old, tiny trukks that don't look anything like the new trukks.  Just in terms of scale they're nothing alike, let alone styling.  I've been considering calling any new trukks battlewagons until I get up to speed with them, but it's idle speculation.

This whole thing boils down to having a good time.  I picked up a box of boyz that had been laying around for years because I wanted to glue some plastic together one day, and I've managed to keep it going thus far.  When the painting starts I may hit the wall, but we'll see.  I don't plan on painting every boy to a high standard, so maybe it'll be a relaxing thing.  I really like the whole "no individual is really worth much" feel of the orks.  It encourages a light-hearted attitude that is often absent from my hobbies, so yay for that.

In keeping with my desire to put pictures in all my posts, here's one of my ghetto biker nob.

I feel like I should model some duct tape on this guy.

Things keep rolling along, hopefully they continue to do so.

Spreading the Love Through Eats on Feets

So now two of us are milk donors! I want to be in the habit of pumping regularly for when I start at the gym after the first of the year, my little man will need milk if he's in the kid's care place, and you never know when I might have a fun night with the girls. Well, I started pumping last week, and I already have 70oz of milk in my freezer...it's been just over a week. I only pump twice a day...I guess my boobs are overachievers like Christa's! So I found, through Facebook, an organization called Eats on Feets. Within just a couple of hours of posting on the Eats on Feets Mn Facebook Fan Page, I received a private message from a mother who was interested in taking the milk I have. She sent me her story about her breast cancer treatment and the pregnancy that occurred smack in the middle of it all. Her sweet baby Olivia, a TRUE miracle baby, was born at 32 weeks and is now 4 months old. Because of Sarah's cancer and the meds being used to treat it, she is unable to breastfeed and needs donor milk for her baby.

I'm really excited, not just about donating milk in general, but about donating to this family who has been through and is still going through SO MUCH. I'm just glad to be able to send them a little something to help. I'll be meeting with her on Monday with Mama Christa who is ALSO already in touch with her to donate milk. It feels good to reach out and do something, give such a precious gift to another family who needs it. I hope all of you will keep this family in your thoughts, and if you are pumping or would be willing to pump for a family in need of milk, visit Eats on Feets to get connected with your local chapter and a local mom in need. What a worthy organization!

Whole30 Day 26: An extra benefit

So today is 26 days in. And you know what I discovered today? Pecans taste good. Not just good, not just nice like other nuts, but good with a rich, sweet flavor that I never noticed before. I think that getting rid of the preservatives and the sugar has let my taste buds really taste real food. I tasted the nuances of pecans, the slightly bitter peel and the fatty, sweet inside. It's better than red velvet cake. I never thought I would think so.

Adventures with washes

Fair warning: I started writing this yesterday, so all references are in that context.  I don't want to change all my "this morning"s to "yesterday morning"s.  

As I alluded to last time, at least in the comments section, I've been looking at posts about using washes to 'paint' with over the last few days.  Having picked up "red" and green washes the other day, I dug up a mini that was already primed white and gave it a shot.  The mini in question is an old, old plastic human wizard.  As such, it doesn't have as much detail as more modern sculpts, which I think affected my results, but more on that in time.

A short encapsulation of the idea behind this technique: by using an initial wash of a dark color, Devlan Mud in this case, shadows and details are naturally picked out.  By adding extra, colored washes on top of this initial shadowy wash, the model is 'painted,' complete with shading and highlighting.  Theoretically, this is a quick and effective technique to mass produce minis that look awful good considering how much effort went into them.

On to application.  As directed, I washed the mini with Devlan Mud over the white primer.

Step 1: Get muddy.

I think I should have gone a little heavier on this initial pass and paid more attention to where the wash was settling.  The right leg in particular looks weird, with the wash collecting where a highlight should be.  Perhaps two passes with the Mud would have been a good idea.  I let this stage dry overnight, then started putting on the colors this morning.

Step 2: Get colorful.

 This is after two layers of Thrakka Green, a layer of Baal "Red", and a layer of old Flesh Wash.  The Flesh Wash worked great, so much so that if I ever find myself doing a Guard army, or any horde army with lots of human-colored skin, I may well use this method. 

You can probably gather my thoughts on the so-called red wash.  Most of the recommendations I've seen for using Baal Red involve mixing it with something else, either Blood Red or Devlan Mud.  I knew it was going to come out pink, but I wanted to see how it worked for myself.  It behaved as expected, and I'm sure I'll find a use for it, but in this instance and application I was underwhelmed.

The Thrakka Green was the real point of this exercise.  Like the Devlan Mud, large flat surfaces like the right leg presented some problems.  Overall the technique is sound, though I wasn't thrilled with the results.  Looking at the picture, my mini looks like it should when compared with the examples I've seen on the internet.  I think the picture makes it look a lot better than it does in person, though I may take a second look to see how things are after some time away.  Since I wasn't as pleased as I wanted to be with the results, I put on another layer of green and red.

Step 3: More color.

Though it doesn't look that different, I did add another layer of each color.  Ultimately the highlights are just too bright for me.  I may adapt this technique in a more traditional manner, say by using a Goblin Green basecoat, then Mud, then a Trakka wash, then another Goblin drybrush to finish it off.  Even though this didn't work quite like I hoped, it was still a good learning experience.

Guest Blog: My Affair(s) with my Pump(s)

This is a guest blog post from another pumping mama. I (mama Christa) met Kristine on facebook before I had Ella. We met because we were both exclusive pumpers (she currently was and I had with Olivia). I'm really excited that she was willing to share her pumping story because it shows other mamas that there are so many ways to breastfeed and provide milk to your baby. It also let's other pumping mamas know that they're not alone!! Thanks Kristine!

I am proud to say that I am a working mother to two very healthy & active young boys. However, I am not the type that dreamt of marriage & kids when I was young so to be where I am at today was a total surprise to me. I never thought I’d find anyone that would put up with me or my selfish ways but I actually did find a wonderful man & not long after we met we got married. We went thru quite a few turbulent years early on in our marriage…he left his family business to come to work for my family business…& then we my family business to venture out on our own. We managed to make a go of it for just over 3 years before I found out that I was expecting our first child.

Because money was tight, my plan was to breastfeed my son for his first year so that we wouldn’t have to spend money on formula in addition to all of the extra expenses we would soon be incurring. Our business was struggling financially so we made the decision to close it down shortly after I delivered my son (via c-section). From day one, breastfeeding was very hard for me. I have VERY dry skin and to add insult to injury, I couldn’t get a good latch to save my life. I also had problems with forceful letdown. I was also given a pump in the hospital to “encourage my milk to come in”. Not sure if that was a blessing or not but my milk certainly came in! I tried desperately for 6 weeks to latch my son & nurse but cried thru most of the feedings because of the pain from a cracked/bloody nipple. I feared the thought of even putting him to my breast because I knew it’d be painful & often opted to just pump the milk & feed him from a bottle. It just made for a much easier & way less painful/stressful feeding for both me & my son.

BTW…my son did not have nipple confusion…he had nipple preference…& yes, even at such a young age they are able to make decisions on their own. ;)

All the while, my mom couldn’t help because she didn’t nurse me or my two sisters. My MIL, who’d nursed 7 babies, didn’t help because “it just wasn’t her place/style so she didn’t want to be intrusive” and my sister, who nursed her two LOs & was there to help for the first week postpartum, just kept telling me OVER & OVER that it “SHOULDN’T HURT”. OK…I get that it “shouldn’t hurt” but damn it…it hurt like hell! Nothing helped…not lanolin…not hot/cold compresses…hot showers…NOTHING! It seemed like time was standing still & I was to the point where I just couldn’t take it any longer. Nursing was just too painful & not at all what I’d expected it to be like for me to continue our nursing relationship as it was at that point in time.

About 5 weeks in & after battling mastitis several times, the Dr. told me to nurse & then pump so that I could keep them drained. What he didn’t tell me was not to pump too long or I’d over stimulate them & cause oversupply. Well, I did just what the doctor told me to do & wound up with WAY too much milk. Over supply can be a blessing but it can also be a problem if it’s not addressed +/ managed. That point in my nursing relationship was a turning point for me. It was all just too much & too overwhelming so I looked to simplify things & make it easier on me. So I did, I switched over to exclusively pumping…& it worked! It was do-able for me! While I felt like a failure for not being able to exclusively nurse, I knew I could at least do the next best thing & still provide him with my milk (& not have to dump money that we didn’t have into formula).
After switching over to pumping full time, feedings actually became a pleasant experience. My oldest grew really fast & thrived on that milk & I was overjoyed when we hit that one year mark so I no longer needed to pump. Well, because I oversupplied, I had a deep freeze full of milk that I’d tucked away for future use. Not knowing how precious it was, I forgot about it until long after his first birthday & had let it all expire. It tore me up to dump it but because it was well over the expiration, I had no other choice but to dump it. I made up my mind at that moment to do something better/more with the extra the next time around & stuck to my guns.

Approximately 3.5 years later, we found out that we were pregnant with #2 so I started looking around for a place to go to with the extra milk. My pumping “affair” had gone so well the first time around that I knew (especially since I’d planned on returning to work) that I’d have extra milk that I could donate so I got set up with the local milk bank in preparation for my next go round with my pumps. I also bought a second pump (secondhand but I’d be very cautious about doing this because it doesn’t take much to sabotage your milk supply when it comes to pumping) and kept this one in my vehicle with me so I could pump anywhere I needed to go for work/etc.

When LO #2 came along, he latched like a champ! Finally a normal/happy/easy nursing relationship…but again, we soon parted ways because I went back to working to support our double income budget. Even though it was short lived, I relish in the fact that I was able to nurse at least one of them without any artificial/high tech interference because it helped me let go of my feelings from my first nursling of not being able to latch which made me feel like I failed him. I knew that I could do it…but because pumping was so familiar to me, I opted to go this route again.

I was able to make several donations to the Austin Milk Bank & even got to meet a donor recipient mom in the process. If you oversupply & can donate, I highly recommend it. Per a phrase I’ve seen on TLB…I donate because it could be my baby. For some reason, even though mine weren’t preemies or sick, this was something that was very healing for me as both of my boys were c-sections & both of them were bottle fed (even though it was my milk). Long story short…if it hadn’t have been for my pumps, I would’ve never survived for the two plus years that I’ve been pumping for my boys because of the lack of support that I had or was able to afford during my pumping years.

Because of my experiences & my desire to help others avoid going thru what I went thru with breastfeeding, I have started working for WIC as a breastfeeding peer counselor. It just baffles me that there is so little support & information out there for new & breastfeeding moms. I really hope that I can help to change that…even if it’s only one mama at a time!

Kristine Keller
Mom to Grayson (5.5) & Jaxon (13.5 months)

Request for our Readers

We, here at The Good Letdown (sounds very official no?), want to always provide relevant topics for discussion. If you have an idea for a topic, or have a story (any story), please let us know! We're happy to do the research (or the bulk of it if you've already done some for us) and write up whatever interests you. We're always happy to see your comments and conversations on the posts, so keep it up and make sure you're sharing the blog all around...remember, our mission is to normalize discussion of nursing as a NORMAL and NATURAL thing...one person at a time, we can change the perception of a healthy mom and baby relationship!

Thank you so much for stopping in and reading!

Nursing and Body Image

I am a self-proclaimed expert in poor body image and self-esteem. It has affected my nursing relationship with Aiden, and to a lesser extent it affects my nursing relationship with Chase. it also affects my ability to go in for annual lady appointments, get sized for bras (a recent issue I need to address) and change my clothes at the gym.

I am a lactivist, and I am a supporter of nursing in public (obviously) but I cover up. Always. I think I must be letting my less modest, nursing in public, power mama sisters down by hiding what is so normal and natural to do: nursing my baby. Except, i'm not hiding the fact that I'm nursing. I'm hiding my breasts. I don't care if people know/see that I"m nursing a baby under my little blanket. That's not my problem. I don't even care if the IDEA of me or anyone else nursing a baby, covered or not, offends or bothers others when I am in public. What I care about is the image I have in my head about my breasts, my nipples, and my body. See, it's not about others seeing my breasts, it's about how I view my breasts.

Some women worry about what pregnancy and breastfeeding will DO to their breasts. Perhaps this is a concern if you've EVER had nice breasts...but I kid my audience not...my breasts came in saggy and at my waist...even when they were little a-cups...they were saggy: \o/\o/  <---those are my boobies, ladies. I wish I was kidding. When I'm not nursing, they resemble a tube sock with tennis balls in them...really...can't picture it? Put a tennis ball in a sock...and staple it to your chest...the tube part may be a little long...but you're getting the idea. When I'm nursing...it's like a tube sock still...but with a SOFTBALL in it now. I'm also not blessed with lovely nipples. They're mostly flat and at the bottom of my breast...seriously they do NOW and have ALWAYS pointed the way to my toes...in case I wasn't aware of where those were, helpful during pregnancy when I actually lose track of them...but sure makes for unattractive breasts.

Another huge factor for me when I was nursing Aiden was MY size. When I got pregnant with Aiden I was was 252 pounds of stuffed sausage. I lost 20lbs during that first pregnancy, but I was still a big girl, my breasts were 38DDDs, totally unweildy, heavy, and nearly impossible to hide while nursing in public...I had trouble getting him latched on under a cover cuz he was so little...and my boobs were so big...it's hard to do blind. I was also extra-sensitive about people seeing my belly or fluffly hips spilling out so I was always wearing weird layers (bra, nursing tank, shirt...that's a lot of clasps and juggling) to try and conceal the fluff overflow. I was just NEVER comfortable nursing in public because it was just too difficult for me and my crappy body image. When Aiden was only one week old I attended a doula training...in a room full of breastfeeding gurus...I waited until the lights were out for a film to try and get Aiden to nurse...by this point I was engorged as hell and we both ended up covered in milk! I was still weird about the doula sitting next to me...that she might see my breast in the glow from the film...silly, considering I was sitting at the BACK of the room.

My pregnancy with Chase, however, has wielded a 40lb weight loss. I've dropped over 2 pants sizes, and even at less than 2 weeks postpartum, I think I look GOOD! The boobs are also more manageable. I'm not sure what size I am now (please refer to description above of crappy self-esteem keeping me from getting sized) but I can tell the difference nursing Chase. I'm somewhere around a 36DDD (isn't that an F or an E in some brands? I don't know), but that's smaller than what I was before, and I don't have to struggle to NOT suffocate my baby anymore. I've even been able to nurse him in the cradle hold...something I was NEVER able to do with Aiden, even at 8 months. Shoot, last week at the Pregnancy Center I was nursing and chasing my toddler at the same time! What a difference my weight loss has made both on the logistics of nursing for me, and on my general body image. I got Chase situated on my boob in front of a roomful of women I don't even know.

My problem still remains that while I"m a lot happier with my body in general...my boobs are still tube socks with softballs in them, and I have big flat, dinner plate nipples. I still insist on covering, but it's MUCH easier to do this now, and I'm not as obsessed with no one having even the possibility of catching a glimpse of what's under my little blanket. Yesterday I sat at an indoor playground, reading Henci Goer's, The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth right in front of some strange man and his wife and a bunch of other people and nursing my littlest man-child right in my lap. I do have a tendancy to sit and think "I wonder if people are bothered by this...gosh I wish someone would come say something...what would I say back?" and then I have a whole internal dialogue. But the internal dialogue USED to be "gosh I hope no one can see my love handles, or my breasts, or my fat rolls..." It's incredibly freeing to have an improved, albeit still pretty shitty, self image.

Tell us, how has your body image, positive or negative, affected your nursing relationship(s)? If you are a proud and "whip it out" kind of mama, what advice do you have for moms who are more apt to cover...are you bothered by nursing mothers who cover? Why or why not?

Whole30 Day 23: Plans for the Future

Today was day 23. Just to review, I am looking stunning and feeling even better. :) So I figure now is a good time to think about the future. When this challenge is over in one week, what am I going to do then?

There are a few things I really miss (a very few, which was a surprise), and I want to find a way to incorporate them. But mostly, at least while I still have some weight to lose, I want to continue doing the Whole30. I don't miss the grains or dairy, which I thought would be the worst parts, so I think I will continue to eliminate those. I don't miss the preservatives, either, so those stay gone too.

I do really miss alcohol, though. Not so much the taste, just the effects. I don't care about having a glass of wine with dinner or a beer in the evening with friends. What I miss is drinking to a minor level of intoxication at a party. So, I'm gonna do that, as all the people who love tweeting the things I say when a little bit drunk will be glad to hear. I'll stay away from alcohol except in that kind of scenario, and when I do go to a party, I will drink the lowest carb options that will get the job done (probably liquor either straight or mixed with water).

I also don't want to live for a really long time without any of my favorite bad-for-me-crap, so I am going to have 2 days between each 30 where I eat whatever I want. Those are the days when I can have a diet coke, eat Mexican food or Chinese, and drink a Malibu and cranberry. What's the good of living in 2010 instead of in 40,000 BC if you can't have a Malibu and cranberry once in a while?

Speaking of a great occasion for a Malibu and cranberry, I am going to a wedding this weekend, on day 28. Because I hate to be all dressed up and going to a place there is dancing and yet be a fuddy-duddy, I have decided to eat and drink reasonably at the wedding. I will have the beef ribs and drink wine, but I won't have cake or grains or Malibu rum (damn it). I am going to count day 28 as one of my cheat days, and then just hop back on the plan on days 29, 30, and 31.

So that's my plan. I expected to want to go out and eat bread the second the 30 days was over, but I'm happy to report that another 30 days doesn't sound so bad.

Only a Matter of Time

Well...it happened. Mama Christa had a breastfeeding photo deleted from Facebook this past week. I'm sure most of you know that Facebook administration does this regularly, deleting photos of mothers nursing their babies. They cite it as a violation of the terms of use since the photos are "sexual or violent" in nature. Completely ridiculous! If you'd like to support nursing mothers, or are a nursing mother yourself, please "attend" this event tomorrow, consider writing a letter to Facebook telling them how you feel: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=155535221156710

Here at the Good Letdown we're building a Facebook page. Once it's up and ready we'll open an album called "the Daily Obscenity" for pictures of nursing mothers to be posted. Mother Hen is certain we'll be deleted in a heartbeat...exciting! I'll post here once the page is launched!


In the mean time, here I am nursing Chase outside a local coffee shop (we were in the drive-thru when the smallest man child decided he needed milkies RIGHT NOW). So obscene I think some of you may want to burn your retinas after viewing this SEXUAL and VIOLENT photograph.

OH, and the blanket isn't to suffocate him...I use that to prop my big saggy boobs up so I don't have to waste a hand holding it up myself...breastfeeding is a lazy woman's sport. :)

Finally, a Podcast!

After kind of a long break, we're back! Check out our lastest podcast. It is mostly based on a post I wrote on The Nature of Children, one of my favorite posts ever. We hope to be back on a good schedule and producing podcasts every week.

Whole30 Day 19: Like Old Hat

I haven't posted about the Whole30 in a while, mostly because I don't think about it all that much now. It's become kind of habitual. I'm in the rhythm of the cooking and shopping and choosing foods.

But it's old hat in a bad way too. We are eating the same things over and over. Steak, pork chops, spaghetti sauce, chicken stew, beef stew, salad, bacon, guacamole, sauteed veggies. These are all yummy things, but I am starting to feel that I need more excitement.

I found these delicious gluten-free, preservative-free sausages at WholeFoods, and they were a treat to eat. Cause they were different. So tonight, I did an experiment. I mixed green curry paste with coconut milk and cooked chicken and carrots in it. It wasn't fabulous; I really need to use a recipe (even if it does make me feel all J and oppressed). But it was different, and I enjoyed it!

So my goal for this next week is to eat different things. Tomorrow I am making chili. Livy and I are going to eat fish, as well, something we both like but rarely eat. Aaron, who is the pickiest adult on the planet, will have to eat one of our usual things, as he does not eat anything that ever put its foot into water. I am going to find some recipes for Thai food and try at least one. I just can't eat any more old hat.

One more cooking tidbit: I made my first (in several years) batch of homemade kombucha (fermented tea). I have been drinking a small fortune's worth of kombucha from the store, and now I can have my one drink a day without sending us to the poorhouse. Plus, when I see the colony start to grow on top of the tea, it makes me feel so successful. Bacteria and yeast bow to my will!

One Boob at a Time - Guest Blogger

This nursing story is from Heather, a mom who Mother Hen and I both know from separate places. We asked Heather to contribute to our blog as I knew Heather had nursed Kaleb a long time and had encountered some resistance from family. In fact, one of the first times I met Heather she was nursing Kaleb at our toddler class! I was surprised to read her story...you see...Heather is a breastfeeding convert! Here's her story! Thanks for sharing Heather!!!

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If you know me, you wouldn't belive that I was actual agaisnt breastfeeding before I got pregnant. I had it in my head that the thought of having a baby suck on your boob was disgusting! When I was nanny, the woman I worked for breast fed and she gave me a whole new perspective on the subject. I started doing my research and decided that I would at least try. 

Kaleb was born February 20, 2009 at 1:51am and I couldn't wait to try nursing him for the first time. He was a quick learner. He did so well in the hospital, the nurses were impressed. I could tell though he would get a little frustrated with the fact nothing really was coming out and there wasn't much to suck haha. But he was an expert from the start. His favortie position to nurse was the football hold. 

As soon as we got home I started to pump right away so I could build up a huge supply incase I decided I didn't like nursing. My boobs were the milk money machine. I could easily pump 10oz out of each breast in 5 minutes. I had so much milk it was crazy. I was very blessed!

So as time went on and we were home, we started noticing that Kaleb may have some reflux/colic. (This was when he was around 4 weeks old) We took him to the pediatrician and he said Kaleb has a mild case reflux and gave him meds to help. Kaleb hated the medicine so we would put some in a bottle with pumped milk. That didn't work very well. My husband said that chiropractors can help fix reflux and against everything I have, I said I will give it a try. That didn't help either. Come to realize, Kaleb may have an allergy or an intolerance to something I am eating. Right away I started eliminating foods from my diet and slowly adding them back in. Soon enough, we found it was dairy. OH NO! I can't live without cheese and milk. I almost thought forget breastfeeding, this is nuts, I can't go without milk. I thought to myself that I had enough pumped milk to last a lifetime. Then realizing, the pumped milk had all the diary in it. Luckly, I have a very supportive husband who then convinced me to at least try. Breast is best! I was able to tolerate rice milk and no cheese and any of that. It wasn't that bad to not have it. And as every mother knows, you will do anything for your child. Since all the pumped milk I had had dairy in it, I decided to donate it. 

Now past the hard part, Kaleb loved breast feeding. He was never a cluster feeder but when he wanted the boob, he wanted it. He nursed every 2-3 hours a day for a few months and about 2-3 times at night. We never really bottle fed anymore and I just became and exclusive from the breast, breastfeeder. Make sense? LOL

Moving on, Kaleb was 6 months old and I still was eliminating dairy from my diet. We had decided to try Kaleb on solids. Once on solids, he didn't really slow on nursing that much. He maybe dropped a feeding. I always offered it to him and sometimes he would take it and others he wouldn't. He still wasn't sleeping through the night but would wake twice. Once around midnight and at 4am to nurse. I didn't mind becuase he usually just slept in the bed so I didn't have to 100% wake up. 

Around 10-12 months, Kaleb was eating more "people food" and less purees. About that time is when he started to wean himself from the boob. He probably only nursed about 3 times a day and once at night at 4am. He never would "ask" for it, I just always offered. It was starting to upset me that he didn't really want it. It was like he was such a big boy and didn't need mommy. I also started adding dairy back into my diet at that time and it didn't seem to bother Kaleb anymore. He didn't like when we started whole milk at 12 months. I guess the taste wasn't the best. But again, he wouldn't nurse very often and I know he needed the fat and the liquid. It was at 14-15 months when Kaleb decided he had enough boob. I was still always offering the breast but he would just play and flick it. He would only want it at 4am and that was just to hold it in his mouth. He wouldn't even suck. I could tell that I wasn't getting let downs very often anymore and they took about 10 minutes of Kaleb sucking on my breast for it (the let down) to happen. The joys of less feedings a day. Right at 15 months, he pretty much showed he had enough. He finally took to the whole milk and breast milk wasn't his cup of tea anymore. It was very sad for me, but I am glad I was able to breastfeed him as long as he would let me. 

Kaleb is 20 months now and I am expecting a baby boy in March 2011 and am very excited to get to go through breastfeeding again! I hope this new baby takes well to it like his brother did.