Some of you may know that I struggle with all kinds of obsessive eating and dieting issues. So, for the past 8 months, I have been consciously avoiding any kind of dieting or formal exercise routines. I have been struggling with accepting myself and legalizing food. I have gained weight, but I knew that would be a part of relaxing all my restrictions and making some peace with eating. Recently, I am feeling more in control and ready to work on slowly eating healthier and exercising more. At my worst, I am not sedentary and I eat fairly well, but I miss the level of fitness I had before, and I know that I feel better when I eat well. So, while still swearing off dieting (forever), I'm working on my habits again. I am being very watchful, though, about letting myself fall into a dieting mindset. My goals are health and an enjoyable fitness level. I still have thoughts about how skinny I should be, but I am fighting them.
That's the background. The good news is that I am enjoying eating more primally. I have been cooking at home more, eating meat and fat, fresh veggies and fruits, raw dairy, and I forgot how good it tastes and how healthy it makes me feel. I am rediscovering the pleasure of Saturday mornings spent with Livy at the Farmers' Market and the weekly milk pickup on Thursdays. I've also been trying to be more active, but in a natural way. I've been walking more, especially since I have been taking the train to school every day. I've been hiking, on a high ropes course, did some sprints (a very few - lots of work to do there!). Today, I tried a new way to work some play into my exercise.
Livy and I went to the park and played a game where one of us chooses an activity, then the other chooses. We did pushups, a rock wall, the monkey bars, the slide, ran races in the grass, dips on the picnic table, climbed a rope spiderweb, did some stretches, and I carried up a ladder on my back. It was fun! She out-exercised me for sure (she went across and back on the monkey bars three times in a row fast, and I never made it all the way across), but she is so encouraging, never condescending about it. We had a great time together, and it was a very fun and primal workout. I definitely plan to repeat it often, and it can be endlessly various, since we create it all as we go along.
8/28/09
New Arrivals Stretch Fashion Rings
New Arrivals! brand new Stretch Fashion Rings. This new section features adjustable, free size fashion rings. These easy to wear rings fit comfortable and offer many options. You'll be able to shop bead rings in vibrant turquoise with contrasting colored beads and crystals in onyx, amber and coral. We've also brought enamel cocktail rings with adorable tiny flowers in turquoise blue, black and white combo in gold and silver. There's even unique leather band rings that can be squeezed together to fit any finger! Plus, they make for fabulous gifts! view all fashion rings
Omelle shoe brand Spring - Summer 2009
Italian shoe brand Omelle has released images for the Spring/Summer 2009 collection.
They’re clearly shoes for design-lovers, with architectural inspirations and unique heel details. Most of the styles look so light and fragile, but are packed with big ideas.
Handbags for summer 2009
The S/S handbags for 2009 is very colorful and bright. The handbag is a fundamental element of a woman’s look. It's a pride, chic and complements a woman’s personality and style. Every woman of fashion will be able to find something that suits her style and taste.
8/27/09
Spring 2009 Jewelry Trends
home jewellery businesses I thought some hints on the key trends might be helpful.
As always we must begin with color. There are three important color stories for the season.
The first is black and white.
The new take for this graphic combo is floral. Pretty all over large flowers. What’s really fresh for black and white is taking it in a less slick direction and adding a more textural attitude.
I believe using fabric wrapped beads, printed ceramic, and glass beads from India that are imperfect is a great way to achieve a crisp but natural look for this palette.
Coral and yellow is the warm palette this spring/summer. Look to the continent of India for inspiration.Use patterned beaded and etched metals to complement your colors. Antique finished on metal, and rose gold platings can really make this theme a bit more directional.
August’s Details Magazine and Supermodels Hayden Panettiere
On being different:
It wasn’t like I suddenly started feeling different. I always knew that I was. I never felt I missed out – in fact, it was like, ‘Oh, thank God I’m not that.”
I was tortured, emotionally tortured by these girls. Every time I came back from filming, it would be me trying to find my way back into the clique. And they weren’t having it.”
8/26/09
Children's Needs and Selfishness
Lately there have been a lot of discussions on blogs (see The Little Things and my previous post Parenting without Altruism) and on the OGrownups list about parenting selfishly. The discussions have been good -- how to get time to yourself, how not to sacrifice higher values (like marriage and career) to do things for your child. But there is a side of it that hasn't been explored. Sure, we should be selfish parents, but if we aren't able to give children what they really need, the selfish thing is not to have them.
Here is what I think children need (this isn't exhaustive, please let me know what you would add):
1. They need lots of time with the people they love. So, I think, at least one parent should be at home with the child or have a career that allows plenty of family time.
2. They need to experience attachment with their parents. If possible, this means breastfeeding, but at the least, focused holding while bottlefeeding. Using a sling, responding to distress, caretaking tasks like diapering and bathing, playing together - these are all attachment behaviors, and I think children need a lot of them from their parents.
3. They need help learning the skills they will need in their lives.
No amount of selfishness is an excuse for not doing these things. If you can't meet the needs of a child, you shouldn't have one. I don't think any parent always enjoys interruptions and nighttime parenting and the constant needs of children, but these things are a part of raising them well.
A CEO might say, "I have a selfish need for 10 hours of sleep and plenty of time to play golf." And that might be the case. But if he must have it, he should do something else for a career, something that suits his selfish needs better. Parenting is the same. It is a super demanding job, but no one has to take it on. I have a great amount of respect for people who look at the demands of parenting and say, "No thanks, I don't want to devote so much time and energy to that."
Anyway, my point is that though it is a good idea to keep our own values in mind and to work together in families to make sure everyone's needs are met (including the parents'), there are some things that children need (beyond food and clothing and shelter) that cannot be thrust aside, no matter what other values we may hold.
Here is what I think children need (this isn't exhaustive, please let me know what you would add):
1. They need lots of time with the people they love. So, I think, at least one parent should be at home with the child or have a career that allows plenty of family time.
2. They need to experience attachment with their parents. If possible, this means breastfeeding, but at the least, focused holding while bottlefeeding. Using a sling, responding to distress, caretaking tasks like diapering and bathing, playing together - these are all attachment behaviors, and I think children need a lot of them from their parents.
3. They need help learning the skills they will need in their lives.
No amount of selfishness is an excuse for not doing these things. If you can't meet the needs of a child, you shouldn't have one. I don't think any parent always enjoys interruptions and nighttime parenting and the constant needs of children, but these things are a part of raising them well.
A CEO might say, "I have a selfish need for 10 hours of sleep and plenty of time to play golf." And that might be the case. But if he must have it, he should do something else for a career, something that suits his selfish needs better. Parenting is the same. It is a super demanding job, but no one has to take it on. I have a great amount of respect for people who look at the demands of parenting and say, "No thanks, I don't want to devote so much time and energy to that."
Anyway, my point is that though it is a good idea to keep our own values in mind and to work together in families to make sure everyone's needs are met (including the parents'), there are some things that children need (beyond food and clothing and shelter) that cannot be thrust aside, no matter what other values we may hold.
8/23/09
Cameron Diaz for V magazine
Cameron Diaz is in discussions to appear alongside comic Seth Rogen in Green Hornet, in theaters July 9, 2010. According to Entertainment Weekly, Cam is in “early talks” for the role of the female lead in the latest theatrical superhero movie.
Bruno babes in Green Fashion
Making us all green with envy, Isla Fisher takes a cue from her long time lover’s alter-ego and strikes a pose at the Los Angeles premiere of Bruno on June 25 at Grauman’s Chinese Theatre.It’s a very unique look, but I absolutely love Isla’s lacy green Stella McCartney frock with a sheer white yoke.
Beauty Tips From Kate Winslet
Kate Winslet attended the New York premiere of “Away We Go” Monday, June 1, 2009. Probably it’s no a great surprise that she appeared there. The point we are curious about is her fresh and glam chic look. She might have spent hours to get this splendid make up.
Julia Bolino, the slap.uk.com make-up artist gives step-by-step recommendations on how to achieve the barefaced beauty look yourself.
1. Flawless skin. Kate’s face was covered with a foundation with light-reflecting particles, so that the light could bounce off her face. Blemishes and under-eye shadows have been hidden with concealer. A loose light powder makes her foundation stay firmly on the face.
2. Shining eyes. Having a natural look of the eyes, the 33-years-old-actress’s make-up stylist worked hard to create this image. A peach iridescent eye shadow, a cream or powder,was applied to her eyelids. Plus a light brown eye shadow was well blended into her eye socket line to make her eyes look more deep set.
3. A-bit-shadowed-peachy cheeks. To get the effect of such cheeks, don’t overdo with a blusher. Apply the hue that complements your skin tone. Kate went for a light peachy tint.
4. Fascinating brows and lashes. What you need to know here is that the use of liquid eyeliner and mascara can do a successful look or spoil it completely. Liquid eyeliner is better than a kohl pencil and you can use the tiny applicator brush just to give definition rather than a heavy line. Light mascara finishes the look.
Miss Winslet has naturally well shaped eyebrows and it seems that the make-up artist left them to speak for themselves. She only gave zest to the eyebrows having shaped them with a light brown eyeshadow. More on ourvanity.com
Gisele Bundchen, Heidi Klum Top Highest Paid Models List of 2009
Forbes has just released their annual list of the fashion industry’s highest paid models, and there’s no surprise to the bold-faced names that top the list.
Gisele Bundchen maintains her number one status with estimated earnings of $25 million, followed by StyleWatch cover girl Heidi Klum, who clocks in at $16 million for the year. Kate Moss comes in at number three with $8.5 million, followed by the heavenly trio of Victoria’s Secret angels Adriana Lima, Doetzen Kroes and Allesandra Ambrosio.
8/19/09
I Summon Dr. Johnson, As He Summoned Democritus
So today I was reading The Vanity of Human Wishes by Samuel Johnson. I thought parts of it were very applicable to an Objectivist's view of the modern world. Johnson calls on Democritus to come and ridicule modern (late 18th century) England, as he laughed at Greece in about 400 B.C. Johnson says that if Democritus thinks Ancient Greece is bad, he should see the corruption in 18th century England. Here are some memorable quotes:
"How rarely reason guides the stubborn choice,
Rules the bold hand, or prompts the suppliant voice."
About Democritus's Greece:
"Where change of favorites made no change of laws,
And senates heard before they judged a cause."
Poor Johnson, and us, to live in a time when this did happen! More about the corruption of his time:
"Through Freedom's sons no more remonstrance rings,
Degrading nobles and controlling kings;
Our supple tribes repress their patriot throats,
And ask no questions but the price of votes."
Johnson's answer to the corruption and vice is not my answer. Johnson, as fond of reason as he was, wanted people to turn to God, who "with . . . celestial wisdom calms the mind, /And makes the happiness she does not find." I want people to find reason, without God behind it, and use that to work our way out from under oppressive government. Johnson wrote my answer right in his poem:
"Deign on the passing world to turn thine eyes,
And pause awhile from letters, to be wise."
" . . . Reason guide thee with her brightest ray,
And pour on misty Doubt resistless day."
It made me feel better to know that Dr. Johnson was on my side. He saw corruption and decay, and he hated it, just as I do. And he was doing his best, way back then in the Enlightenment, to promote reason, just as I do.
8/14/09
What I'm Reading Now and What's On Deck
I'm taking a leaf out of LB's book (blog, really) and posting my current reading. Check hers out at 3 Ring Binder.
I listen to audio books all the time, like most people listen to music. Right now, I am listening to Anne's House of Dreams by L.M. Montgomery and Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte. Everyone should read the Anne books, starting with Anne of Green Gables. They are delightful stories with a fun main character; I alternately laugh out loud or cry whenever I read these books. I am having a hard time getting into Jane Eyre, but to be fair, it's hard to do it when I know I could be listening to my Anne book. Once I'm finished with that, perhaps I will enjoy Jane Eyre more.
I'm reading the fourth book in Charlaine Harris's Southern Vampire series, Dead to the World. Very funny, very Southern grown-up versions of Twilight. These books don't take themselves as seriously as most vampire novels, and I love the main character, telepathic cocktail waitress Sookie Stackhouse. And Eric Northman, a vampire, is on my short list of fictional men I am in love with, right up there with Fitzwilliam Darcy (Pride and Prejudice), Gilbert Blythe (Anne of Green Gables), George Emerson (A Room with a View), and Radcliffe Emerson, the Father of Curses (Crocodile on the Sandbank).
I am just starting Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Philosophy, a series of essays about the philosophical elements of Joss Whedon's Buffyverse. Also just starting Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver, the story of her family's year long venture into producing their own food or buying it locally.
I start grad school on Monday, so my reading will be focused on Ancient Greek rhetoric (Aristotle and Plato, in translation) and late 18th century British writing (Sheridan, Wollstonecraft, Goldsmith, and Johnson). But here is the list of what's on deck for my personal reading:
audio - Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte, Matilda by Roald Dahl, and a Scott Powell history class (either History Through Art of Ancient History)
print: The Dark is Rising series by Susan Cooper, Mr. Darcy, Vampire by Amanda Grange, Fat is a Feminist Issue by Susie Orbach
Happy Reading!
I listen to audio books all the time, like most people listen to music. Right now, I am listening to Anne's House of Dreams by L.M. Montgomery and Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte. Everyone should read the Anne books, starting with Anne of Green Gables. They are delightful stories with a fun main character; I alternately laugh out loud or cry whenever I read these books. I am having a hard time getting into Jane Eyre, but to be fair, it's hard to do it when I know I could be listening to my Anne book. Once I'm finished with that, perhaps I will enjoy Jane Eyre more.
I'm reading the fourth book in Charlaine Harris's Southern Vampire series, Dead to the World. Very funny, very Southern grown-up versions of Twilight. These books don't take themselves as seriously as most vampire novels, and I love the main character, telepathic cocktail waitress Sookie Stackhouse. And Eric Northman, a vampire, is on my short list of fictional men I am in love with, right up there with Fitzwilliam Darcy (Pride and Prejudice), Gilbert Blythe (Anne of Green Gables), George Emerson (A Room with a View), and Radcliffe Emerson, the Father of Curses (Crocodile on the Sandbank).
I am just starting Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Philosophy, a series of essays about the philosophical elements of Joss Whedon's Buffyverse. Also just starting Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver, the story of her family's year long venture into producing their own food or buying it locally.
I start grad school on Monday, so my reading will be focused on Ancient Greek rhetoric (Aristotle and Plato, in translation) and late 18th century British writing (Sheridan, Wollstonecraft, Goldsmith, and Johnson). But here is the list of what's on deck for my personal reading:
audio - Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte, Matilda by Roald Dahl, and a Scott Powell history class (either History Through Art of Ancient History)
print: The Dark is Rising series by Susan Cooper, Mr. Darcy, Vampire by Amanda Grange, Fat is a Feminist Issue by Susie Orbach
Happy Reading!
8/12/09
Post-Partum Depression
I've wanted to write this post for a while, but I have been putting it off. It's hard to talk about such an emotional topic. It took me several years after my bout with post-partum depression (PPD) to even talk about it with my close friends. But, I think it is very important for people who are having babies to be aware of the possibility of PPD, and particularly important for Objectivists. In my experience, Objectivists don't talk much about mental illness. So here is my story.
According to the Mayo Clinic, the risk factor for PPD are the following:
We had planned a homebirth that ended in a transfer to the hospital. Livy's birth was fairly normal for a hospital birth, but to me, apprenticed to a homebirth midwife, it was incredibly traumatic (epidural, pitocin, short separation from the baby). I believe that the transfer was not medically necessary, and I blamed myself for not making better decisions. We had a horrible time breastfeeding. Though my husband was helpful with the baby, I did not have family in the area and didn't have friends close enough to help much with the baby. Honestly, I didn't know how bad I was and didn't ask for help. I didn't realize until it was too late how much I needed it. Livy didn't sleep for more than an hour at a time; she nursed round the clock; she was incredibly fussy much of the time; and I was a zombie.
That may all sound like normal parenthood, and it might have been if it wasn't for the PPD. I didn't have any energy. I didn't want to do any of the things I liked. I didn't even love my baby. That sounds horrible, but it was true. I felt protective of her, and I felt bound to take care of her, but I didn't feel any of the happy feelings about her that make so much work worth it. I remember the day when she was 14 months old when I looked at her and thought, "Oh my God, I love her. This is how mothers feel about their children." During the worst of the depression, I had violent daydreams about doing terrible things to Livy; I find that even now I can't write them down. I didn't do anything horrible to her, but I thought about it. And then I felt guilty and somehow wrong as a person, like I wasn't capable of loving a child like ordinary women could. Once, I yelled at her because she wouldn't stop crying. She was about 8 weeks old maybe, and I couldn't believe I had yelled at that tiny infant. But I was completely unable to emotionally handle her care.
I did all the right things, and I am still proud of not letting my emotional state affect the things I wanted to do for her. We pushed through the breastfeeding, though my nipples bled nearly every time she nursed. We did not nurse without pain for nearly a year. I thought about quitting. Looking back, I wouldn't have blamed me for switching to formula then. But, I wanted to do something right. If I couldn't give her (and me) a normal birth and the emotions I knew I ought to be feeling, I would at least succeed at the breastfeeding. And it did give me a kind of productive lifeline, a way to be successful and hang on to a little of myself. I managed to present a fairly normal front; my friends didn't know that I was not okay. My husband knew that I wasn't okay, but I don't think he knew what to do. He was just afraid and angry. Why wasn't this like it was supposed to be?
I don't really know what caused the PPD (some mix of hormones and psychological problems I suspect), and I don't really know what ended it either. At about 14 months, a lot of things changed. Nursing became easier; Livy started to sleep more; and I felt a kind of hormonal shift (no cycles yet, but something about my body felt different). I was myself again. Now I was tired and overworked and sometimes frustrated, but I loved my baby and felt awake. I don't remember a lot about the time before that; I think I was living in a kind of fog. In a way, I missed Livy's infancy. I don't remember her first step or word or any of that kind of stuff. It makes me sad to know that I will probably never get a chance to have another child and experience infancy as it should be experienced.
Part of the reason I wanted to share this is to help Objectivist moms who might experience PPD. I had trouble asking for help, partly because I was too "sick" to know that I needed it, and partly because I thought I should just be able to think my way out of it. If I was just rational enough, if I just worked hard enough, if I just did the virtues to the best of my ability, I would be well. How could this have happened to me, I asked myself, when I am supposed to be all rational and productive and happy? I wish that my ex-husband had been able to get me help. I wish that he had just made me an appointment with a cognitive therapist and driven me there. I was too weak to do that myself. I want partners of pregnant women to read this and have some ideas for how to help. Lots of the advice people give new moms is great, but it wasn't enough for me. Sleeping when the baby slept, take some time for yourself, use the sling to be more mobile with the baby - those are good advice, but I needed real professional help. I was afraid to go to a psychologist because I was afraid of the drugs. But, they might have helped me, and I needed my partner to let me know that he would support me if I decided I needed that. (And yes, there are drugs that are safe for breastfeeding babies.)
The other reason I wanted to share this was because of how alone I felt when I was so depressed. I looked around me, and all the moms seemed so happy, so in love with their babies. I couldn't admit that I was the only one who didn't feel that way. I thought I was the only one who wondered if I had made the wrong decision, if I should not have had children, if I was some kind of genetic freak with no maternal instincts. I want people who might be experiencing PPD to know that they are not alone. Since I have started talking to people about my experience, lots of moms have told me stories about their own struggles, from baby blues to true post-partum psychosis (a much more severe form of PPD). I think our society has a tendency to whitewash parenthood, to tell only the lovely things about it. Since I have shared my experience, I hear others talking about the not-fun parts of parenting, the PPD, the regrets, the doubts, the weariness, the loss of self. Not everyone has a bad experience and some people recover to go on into happy parenthood (like I did), but it is important for us to tell the truth about what happens so that parents can be prepared.
It was really cathartic to write all of this, and if you made it this far, I thank you for listening. I am including some resources in this post so that anyone with friends or family or a partner who might experience PPD can know where to find help.
The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists pamphlet on PPD
The Resource page of The Postpartum Stress Center (includes resources from specific states)
Article from La Leche League
FAQ from the Royal College of Psychiatrists
And if you have questions or comments that you don't want to share in the open comments section, feel free to email me.
According to the Mayo Clinic, the risk factor for PPD are the following:
- You have a history of depression, either during pregnancy or at other times
- You had postpartum depression after a previous pregnancy
- You've experienced stressful events during the past year, including illness, job loss or pregnancy complications
- You're experiencing marital conflict
- You have a weak support system
- The pregnancy is unplanned or unwanted
We had planned a homebirth that ended in a transfer to the hospital. Livy's birth was fairly normal for a hospital birth, but to me, apprenticed to a homebirth midwife, it was incredibly traumatic (epidural, pitocin, short separation from the baby). I believe that the transfer was not medically necessary, and I blamed myself for not making better decisions. We had a horrible time breastfeeding. Though my husband was helpful with the baby, I did not have family in the area and didn't have friends close enough to help much with the baby. Honestly, I didn't know how bad I was and didn't ask for help. I didn't realize until it was too late how much I needed it. Livy didn't sleep for more than an hour at a time; she nursed round the clock; she was incredibly fussy much of the time; and I was a zombie.
That may all sound like normal parenthood, and it might have been if it wasn't for the PPD. I didn't have any energy. I didn't want to do any of the things I liked. I didn't even love my baby. That sounds horrible, but it was true. I felt protective of her, and I felt bound to take care of her, but I didn't feel any of the happy feelings about her that make so much work worth it. I remember the day when she was 14 months old when I looked at her and thought, "Oh my God, I love her. This is how mothers feel about their children." During the worst of the depression, I had violent daydreams about doing terrible things to Livy; I find that even now I can't write them down. I didn't do anything horrible to her, but I thought about it. And then I felt guilty and somehow wrong as a person, like I wasn't capable of loving a child like ordinary women could. Once, I yelled at her because she wouldn't stop crying. She was about 8 weeks old maybe, and I couldn't believe I had yelled at that tiny infant. But I was completely unable to emotionally handle her care.
I did all the right things, and I am still proud of not letting my emotional state affect the things I wanted to do for her. We pushed through the breastfeeding, though my nipples bled nearly every time she nursed. We did not nurse without pain for nearly a year. I thought about quitting. Looking back, I wouldn't have blamed me for switching to formula then. But, I wanted to do something right. If I couldn't give her (and me) a normal birth and the emotions I knew I ought to be feeling, I would at least succeed at the breastfeeding. And it did give me a kind of productive lifeline, a way to be successful and hang on to a little of myself. I managed to present a fairly normal front; my friends didn't know that I was not okay. My husband knew that I wasn't okay, but I don't think he knew what to do. He was just afraid and angry. Why wasn't this like it was supposed to be?
I don't really know what caused the PPD (some mix of hormones and psychological problems I suspect), and I don't really know what ended it either. At about 14 months, a lot of things changed. Nursing became easier; Livy started to sleep more; and I felt a kind of hormonal shift (no cycles yet, but something about my body felt different). I was myself again. Now I was tired and overworked and sometimes frustrated, but I loved my baby and felt awake. I don't remember a lot about the time before that; I think I was living in a kind of fog. In a way, I missed Livy's infancy. I don't remember her first step or word or any of that kind of stuff. It makes me sad to know that I will probably never get a chance to have another child and experience infancy as it should be experienced.
Part of the reason I wanted to share this is to help Objectivist moms who might experience PPD. I had trouble asking for help, partly because I was too "sick" to know that I needed it, and partly because I thought I should just be able to think my way out of it. If I was just rational enough, if I just worked hard enough, if I just did the virtues to the best of my ability, I would be well. How could this have happened to me, I asked myself, when I am supposed to be all rational and productive and happy? I wish that my ex-husband had been able to get me help. I wish that he had just made me an appointment with a cognitive therapist and driven me there. I was too weak to do that myself. I want partners of pregnant women to read this and have some ideas for how to help. Lots of the advice people give new moms is great, but it wasn't enough for me. Sleeping when the baby slept, take some time for yourself, use the sling to be more mobile with the baby - those are good advice, but I needed real professional help. I was afraid to go to a psychologist because I was afraid of the drugs. But, they might have helped me, and I needed my partner to let me know that he would support me if I decided I needed that. (And yes, there are drugs that are safe for breastfeeding babies.)
The other reason I wanted to share this was because of how alone I felt when I was so depressed. I looked around me, and all the moms seemed so happy, so in love with their babies. I couldn't admit that I was the only one who didn't feel that way. I thought I was the only one who wondered if I had made the wrong decision, if I should not have had children, if I was some kind of genetic freak with no maternal instincts. I want people who might be experiencing PPD to know that they are not alone. Since I have started talking to people about my experience, lots of moms have told me stories about their own struggles, from baby blues to true post-partum psychosis (a much more severe form of PPD). I think our society has a tendency to whitewash parenthood, to tell only the lovely things about it. Since I have shared my experience, I hear others talking about the not-fun parts of parenting, the PPD, the regrets, the doubts, the weariness, the loss of self. Not everyone has a bad experience and some people recover to go on into happy parenthood (like I did), but it is important for us to tell the truth about what happens so that parents can be prepared.
It was really cathartic to write all of this, and if you made it this far, I thank you for listening. I am including some resources in this post so that anyone with friends or family or a partner who might experience PPD can know where to find help.
The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists pamphlet on PPD
The Resource page of The Postpartum Stress Center (includes resources from specific states)
Article from La Leche League
FAQ from the Royal College of Psychiatrists
And if you have questions or comments that you don't want to share in the open comments section, feel free to email me.
8/10/09
Rachel's Boob (and without a baby, even!!)
For my grand finale, a breast without a baby on it. Not even lactating. Just a breast. Oh, the shock, the horror, the desire, the despair!!! No, not really. Well, maybe some desire. But anyway, baby or not, people need to get over the idea that the sight of a breast will somehow corrupt the youth and cause the elderly to keel over.
See less of Rachel at her blog, Brass in Pocket.
Why I Love Homeschooling
My little baby girl, if we were doing school, would have had her first day of kindergarten today. Instead we:
- went to the Yellow River Game Ranch, where we petted deer, rabbits, chickens, goats, sheep, cows, and a burro and threw crackers into the open mouths of black bears.
- rode the sky lift to the top of Stone Mountain and hiked down.
- walked a long way back to our car, stopping every 30 feet to rest (you parents know what I mean) and to write words in the sand with a stick and sound them out.
- listened to Johnny Cash, the Dixie Chicks, Bad Religion, Billy Joel, and Joan Baez and talked about what we like and why.
- ate lunch at Moe's, where Livy decided she loves tomatoes and cilantro.
- discussed many different plants, how seeds grow, acorns, apple ripening, and the age of trees.
8/7/09
Nikki's Boobs! Both of them!!
Is everyone starting to be desensitized? Do boobs just seem like another thing in the world yet? Pretty, yes. Sexy, even. Incredibly useful. Nothing to be afraid of.
A Big (and exceeding lovely) Portrait of LB's Breast (and baby)!
My first submission is this lovely portrait of LB (of 3-Ring Binder fame) and baby. It is kind of discrete, but I have waived the indiscreet rule because her husband painted this! How cool is that?!
A big picture of a breast!!
Announcing . . . (drum roll) . . . my breast!!
In honor World Breastfeeding Week, I am starting a new feature on my blog. I'm going to post pictures of breasts (with children on them and without) so that people can see them and get over it. If you would like your breasts (and child, if you want) to be featured here, just send me a picture. No discrete pictures, please. I'm done with breastfeeding discretion. I only want pictures that actually show a good part of your breast. People clearly need to be desensitized to the sight of boobies.
8/3/09
Take the Words Right Out of My Mouth: "I guess you disagree."
I've decided to start a series of posts where I talk about some words I use in lots of parenting situations. If I have some phrases stored up, often I will use them instead of the poor parenting that plays in my head sometimes. So, I hope these phrases will be helpful to you in the same way.
The phrase of the day is: "I guess you disagree."
You'd think this was a throw away phrase, one you'd use in some touchy- feely corporate meeting about how to get along with your team. You'd think any two reasonable persons would know when they clearly disagree. Here is where children often completely miss that reasonable thing.
An example:
I hear an altercation in Jenn's playroom (where our two daughters are playing together), so I go to investigate. The two are clearly getting more and more worked up.
Me: Is there a problem in here?
Morgan: (mournfully) She says ponytails hurt!!!
Livy: (yelling in agony) They do hurt!!! She says they don't!!!!
Me: I guess you two disagree.
There is a pause while they look at each other, deciding if I am making any sense. Then the tension dissipates, and they tell me (slightly more politely than this, but not much) to get lost.
I think this situation happened because little children take their opinions and feelings and the things they know about the world so seriously. This is a good thing; they know what they know and won't be swayed. What they do not know is that people can disagree and still be friends. A parent pointing out that they disagree in a nonchalant way shows them that disagreement is not a disaster. They learn that their own ideas do not have to change because someone else thinks differently. They learn that other people have minds of their own and that others have the right to their own ideas and opinions. Sometimes it is hard for me not to just tell them what I think, but the fact is, they didn't ask, and if they care what I think, they'll let me know. My goal is not to teach them the truth about ponytails or whatever other thing they are arguing about. My goal is to teach them to discuss things with each other civilly and to be first-handed in their acquisition of knowledge.
The phrase of the day is: "I guess you disagree."
You'd think this was a throw away phrase, one you'd use in some touchy- feely corporate meeting about how to get along with your team. You'd think any two reasonable persons would know when they clearly disagree. Here is where children often completely miss that reasonable thing.
An example:
I hear an altercation in Jenn's playroom (where our two daughters are playing together), so I go to investigate. The two are clearly getting more and more worked up.
Me: Is there a problem in here?
Morgan: (mournfully) She says ponytails hurt!!!
Livy: (yelling in agony) They do hurt!!! She says they don't!!!!
Me: I guess you two disagree.
There is a pause while they look at each other, deciding if I am making any sense. Then the tension dissipates, and they tell me (slightly more politely than this, but not much) to get lost.
I think this situation happened because little children take their opinions and feelings and the things they know about the world so seriously. This is a good thing; they know what they know and won't be swayed. What they do not know is that people can disagree and still be friends. A parent pointing out that they disagree in a nonchalant way shows them that disagreement is not a disaster. They learn that their own ideas do not have to change because someone else thinks differently. They learn that other people have minds of their own and that others have the right to their own ideas and opinions. Sometimes it is hard for me not to just tell them what I think, but the fact is, they didn't ask, and if they care what I think, they'll let me know. My goal is not to teach them the truth about ponytails or whatever other thing they are arguing about. My goal is to teach them to discuss things with each other civilly and to be first-handed in their acquisition of knowledge.
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